


Motion Sickness

by oscarwildechilde



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, Complicated Relationships, F/M, Family Dynamics, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mental Health Issues, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Sirius Black's Prank on Severus Snape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:08:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 46,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27238579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oscarwildechilde/pseuds/oscarwildechilde
Summary: The Lupins are moving again, and Remus is determined to be miserable following his disastrous fifth year and the fallout of Sirius' prank. Not speaking to any of his friends, he's resigned to go at it alone. That is, of course, until he finds out that he's moved to the same town as Lily Evans.-Centered around Remus and his family dynamic, his friendship with Lily, and his growing realization that he might be in love with Sirius Black.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 159
Kudos: 531





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Before we begin- I'm a trans writer, JK Rowling is a TERF and I do not support her at all. The characters belong to the fandom. 
> 
> This will be multi-chapter and go into depictions of mental health issues. Any specific content warnings will be placed at the top of each chapter. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Remus is the first off the train as it screeches into the station. Craning his neck, he scans the crowd of parents and little siblings waiting on the platform until he spotted his mum. Short as ever, she had climbed onto the edge of a column near the back in order to see. Quickly, Remus gathered his things and rushed to meet her. Hope Lupin grinned and hugged him from her elevated spot, where she still didn’t reach the top of him.

“Stop growing.” She said “I’m going to need a ladder one of these days.”

“Can we get going?” Remus asked, glancing over his shoulder at the stream of students pouring out of the train.

“Where are the boys? I was going to say hi.” She said

“They’re… Somewhere. I’m just feeling claustrophobic.” 

Hope frowned and scanned her son’s face, but she nodded- letting him cut through the crowd with his trunk dragging behind him on its’ broken wheel. He seemed to relax a little once they stepped into the parking lot. 

“Where’s Da?” Remus asked, letting her lead them to the car. 

“He’s got that new job, remember?” She said “He had to work.”

“Right.” 

“He wanted to be here. But he wanted to be able to take the full moon off this month.” Hope explained. She quickly turned one direction and then another and frowned “Where the fuck did I park?”

“You’d forget your head if it wasn’t attached to you.” Remus said 

“Yes, well. You’re not wrong.” She said, turning around again “I’m certain it’s this way.”

Remus stood on his toes “Is that it?” He pointed down the lot to a grungy, heap of a car that his parents had owned since before he was born. 

“Ah! Yes. Good boy.” She said “What do I do without you all year? It was a pain in the arse to move without you.” 

Remus shoved his trunk into the boot of the car and frowned “I don’t see why we had to.”

Hope opened her door and set her chin on the roof as Remus moved to the other side “Your dad was worried. The neighbors might have heard something.” 

“He’s always worried.” Remus grumbled, stepping into the passenger seat.

Hope shut her door and pulled out of her spot “What’s up with you, today?” 

“I’m fine.”   
“It usually takes me an hour to drag you away from your friends at the end of the year, and now all of a sudden we’re in a hurry to beat the traffic?”  
“It’s been a long day, mum.” He rolled his eyes “Can you drop it?” 

“Are you fighting?” Hope asked 

“Mum! I don’t want to talk about it, okay? Can you just leave me be?” Remus groaned. He slumped down into his seat 

“Alright then, Jesus. Somebody pissed in your cornflakes this morning.” She rolled her eyes back at him and let out another round of creative swears at the other drivers. 

Hope let Remus sulk for a while, staring out the window as they made their way out of the city and towards their new house. When they finally left the thick of it, she rolled down her window and lit a cigarette. She sneaked a few glances at Remus, who was deep in his own thoughts. 

“Well,” She said finally “If you’re not going to talk, I’m going to talk.” 

“Do what you want.” 

“Your aunt wants us to come visit them this summer.” She said 

“Why would we do that?” He asked. 

“Because she’s my sister and I love her. Besides, you haven’t seen your cousins in years.” 

“I remember.” He had been ten, his two older cousins were 11 and 12. Remus was going through a phase of not talking, and had been tormented by the others, who thought he was incredibly strange. “Do I have to go? You always go on your own.”

“What, do you have tickets to the opera or something? An internship I don’t know about.” 

Remus frowned “I don’t particularly fit in with any of them.” 

“I know that.” She said “But I think it’d be nice. Your grandfather isn’t getting any younger.”

“Didn’t he give Dad a black eye last time we went there?”

“Your father isn’t invited.” Hope winced “In his defense, he thought you were being abused.” 

Remus’ lips curled into a slight smile at that, but quickly returned to his moping. 

“It’s going to be a hell of a long summer if you’re like this the whole time.” Hope complained

“I told you, I’m just tired.”

“Is it the moon?”   
“Mum!” Remus snapped 

“Fine! Jesus Christ, you’re in a mood.” 

They drove in silence for the rest of the way. Remus felt a twinge of guilt at how he’d snapped at her. She got a little lost towards the end of the drive, but they finally pulled into a gravel road surrounded by wheat fields. At the end of the drive was a stone farm house, a little worse for wear, but it was nice. There were large windows and a second story, and a small overrun garden out back. 

“It’s cute.” Remus said 

“It’ll do.” She said, stamping out her second cigarette of the drive “Have we decided to have a better outlook on life?” 

Remus sighed “I’m sorry.” he said “It was just a long trip and exams took it out of me.” 

“I’ll let you off this once, but if you act like an arse the whole summer, I’m locking you in the basement until you come of age.” 

He smiled a little “Okay.” They stepped out of the car and Remus pulled his trunk out of the boot and surveyed the area “We don’t have to like, tend to the crops, do we?”

She laughed “That would be a horrible decision on the farmer’s part. No, the guy was retiring and the kid taking over didn’t want the house so he rented it out.” she took Remus’ shoulder bag from him and locked the car behind them. Not that anybody would want to steal it. 

“Fair enough.”

Hope pulled out a rusty key and unlocked the front door. Remus had to duck into the entryway after her. 

“We figure it’s far enough away from the neighborhood that we’ll be safe from prying ears. Dad’s been working on securing the basement.” She gestured to a thick wooden door of the front hall. 

“Lovely.” Remus frowned.

“Come on, leave your trunk by the door and I’ll have your dad bring it up when he gets home.”

The house was bigger than it seemed, with narrow corridors and exposed wooden beams that looked half-ready to crack after holding their weight for so many years. There was a large kitchen that would be lost on all of them- each Lupin a more hopeless cook than the last. His parents had already unpacked their books on a big shelf in the living room- an eclectic mix of his dad’s books from his various niche magical interests and both of their respective beat up paperbacks from charity shops and church sales over the years. Their old floral sofa sat in the corner, its seats still sunken and lumpy. 

Hope showed him upstairs, where they had clearly spent some time setting up the attic bedroom for him. His metal framed twin bed lay in the corner, covered with a large green quilt his late grandmother had made. There was a simple wooden desk situated under the one window that overlooked the fields and the neighborhood beyond them. His own bookshelf was stacked precariously high in the corner, and one of them had tacked up his pictures and posters next to his bed. Remus suddenly felt incredibly embarrassed for acting so petulant the entire way home. 

“Thanks, mum.” He said “I love it. I’m glad I’m home.”

“Yeah, me too, kiddo.” She said, giving him a gentle slap on the arm “Alright, get yourself settled. God help us, I’m going to try and cook.” 

Remus gave her a look and she pointed at him to shut up. He raised his hands up “I’m sure it’ll be delicious.”

“You’re damn right.” She said

Hope disappeared down the narrow staircase and Remus perched himself at the edge of the bed, the groan of the metal springs complimenting the creaky staircase. 

Remus was grateful for his prefect duties on the train today, as it would be difficult to ignore Sirius if he was sitting in the same car. Nor did he want to deal with the gossiping first years or looks if he decided to sit alone. The past month at school, he had barely seen any of them at all. James kept trying to seek him out, but Remus would make an excuse and rush off to the library. He ate his meals quickly if he ate at all, essentially adjusting his entire schedule to ensure he was only in the same room with Sirius during classes and while asleep. Dumbledore had not been amenable to his request to just take his exams and leave a few weeks early, nor had McGonagall who had given him a sympathetic sigh but nothing else. 

Any time he came face to face with Sirius, his face grew hot with a bitter anger that put a lump in his throat. He wasn’t sure what he was more angry about, the fact that Sirius had betrayed his trust and nearly made him a murder weapon, or the fact that Sirius so readily assumed Remus would forgive him with a simple apology. As the term drew to a close, Sirius got more and more impatient and frustrated with him and had finally cornered him in their dorm as he packed. 

“I said I was sorry, Remus, how many times do I have to tell you?” Sirius said, getting in his face. James was trying to pull him away 

“Mate, stop.” James said “Give him space.”

Remus felt the anger bubble in him again as Sirius continued to yell, but instead of yelling back, he punched Sirius in the nose. His knuckles were still sore. James and Peter gaped at him, and all were speechless even as blood spouted from Sirius’ nose. They had never known Remus to retaliate with words, let alone actual violence. They’d seen Remus be backed into a corner by 7th years, taunted by anybody who would try it, belittled by more than one professor, but nothing in the moment. He would rant about it to them afterwards, pacing the dorm back and forth, but never in the five years they’d known him had they seen Remus pull a punch. 

The anger Remus felt towards Sirius was nothing, however, compared to the aching guilt and shame that crept into his chest when he had to be near Severus. The Slytherin had been sworn to secrecy by Dumbledore, threatening expulsion if he told anybody else Remus’ secret, but that didn’t stop the look in his eyes. He was afraid of Remus, but more than that, he looked at him as if he were something fowl. Remus tried to apologize to him when he was on patrol one night, explain that he had no control over what he was doing, but Severus pulled out his wand. 

“Don’t even think about coming near me ever again, half-breed.” He sneered.

Remus didn’t push the issue. 

James and Peter had both been trying to find a happy medium between the two sides and keep the peace as best they could. Remus knew he was hurting them in his efforts to distance himself from Sirius. But Sirius was like a brother to James, and it would be cruel to put James in the position to choose. Peter would go along with what James was doing in any case. It just became easier to leave them all behind.

Remus groaned and slumped back on the bed, letting his head hit the pillow and dug his palms into his eyes until he saw sparks. His self-loathing was reaching a point Remus had never felt before, and now he was staring down three months alone with only his parents for company. He loved them, of course. And they loved him, would do anything for him. His relationship with them was… Complicated. Messy. Particularly with his father. Lyall was a good man, but Remus imagined his father looked at him and felt exactly what Remus did when he saw Severus. He didn’t know if they would ever be able to break through all that had happened. 

Remus begged Dumbledore the night of the incident not to tell Lyall what happened. He would be furious, he would blame Remus for being careless with his transformations and put everyone at risk. Lyall would have an aneurism if he ever found out about the others becoming animagi for him. Dumbledore reluctantly agreed as he didn’t believe Remus deserved to be punished for something that was out of his control. 

There was a creak from the bottom of the stairs and Remus heard the familiar, uneven footsteps of his father on the wooden floors below him. With the door open, he could hear his parents in the doorway.

“Hi, Love.” Lyall said. He heard them kiss quickly 

“How was work?” She asked

“Oh you know.” he sighed “Boring, mostly. Admin work.”

“Welcome to my world.” She said “Listen, can you please promise me you won’t go in on Remus tonight?”

“I don’t ‘go in on him’” Lyall argued 

“You’re a lot tougher on him than you need to be. It seems like he’s having a rough go of it right now, is all. So just- be nice, okay?”

“Fine, fine. You know everything I do is to keep him safe.”

“I know that, but you could be just a tiny bit more emotionally available.”

He said nothing, but Remus could picture the look on his face. 

“Remus!” His mum yelled “Your dad’s home, come down for dinner.”

Remus sighed and made his way downstairs, ducking to avoid a wood beam that threaten to brain him. Lyall stood in the doorway, hanging his cloak on the coat rack by the door. He gave Remus an awkward wave. 

“Welcome home.” He said “How was the train?”

“It was fine.” Remus said, putting his hands in his pockets. They stood in silence for a moment and Lyall coughed, trying to come up with something to keep the conversation going.

“Er- good. Good. I always like the trip back more than the way there. Though I suppose you were busy, Prefect and all.” he mumbled

“It wasn’t bad.” Remus said “Just a few first years causing problems, nothing we couldn’t handle. 

“Ah.” Lyall said “Typical.”

“Come eat.” Hope called from the kitchen. Lyall pulled a face at Remus and he laughed. They pulled out dishes and set the table and Hope set down what was- presumably- some kind of roast “If that’s a dig at my culinary expertise, you’ll never know if it’s poisoned or not, so watch yourself.” 

Characteristically, it was in fact very dry, but Remus ate it happily anyway. It tasted like home. 

“Speaking of dinner, I’m working late tomorrow- can you fend for yourself?” Hope asked, spearing a soft carrot on her fork.

Remus shrugged “Yeah, sure.” 

“I’m sure there’s things to explore in the village.” She suggested “I haven’t gotten out there much, but it’s not much of a walk.” 

“I’m sure I’ll find something.” He said. They ate quietly for a while before Lyall spoke up

“How were your exams?” he asked

“Fine.” Remus shrugged “I got the top spot in Defense Against the Dark Arts.” 

“Oh that’s great, kid!” Hope said “I’m proud of you.”

Lyall nodded “And how about Potions? I know you’ve struggled with it before.”

“I did fine.” Remus frowned, poking at what was left of his food “Not the best, but not the worst.”   
“‘Not the worst’ isn’t the standard by which you should hold yourself.” Lyall said. He laced his hands together in front of him. 

“I’m not!” Remus argued “I’m one of the best in my year.” 

“Lyall.” Hope warned

He ignored her “I’m just saying, you will be held to a much higher standard than you peers. Especially your friends.” Lyall said “I don’t have the connections that they have, on top of everything else.”

“Jesus Christ, do you think I don’t know that?” Remus snapped. “Can I ever make a single mistake?” 

“There are mistakes, and there are choices, Remus.” Lyall said

“Not being great in Potions is a choice now?” Remus asked 

“You could choose to spend more time studying than galavanting around with your friends. Merlin knows we get owls from your head of house every other week.” 

“Yeah, well, I don’t think you’re going to have to worry about that next term.” He threw his fork down and stood up “May I be excused?”

“We’re not done speaking.” 

Hope gave Lyall a stern look and Remus turned heel and stomped upstairs anyway. Remus slammed his door behind him and kicked the edge of his bed, wishing he could just scream as loud as he could and break something. Instead, he put his back to the wall and slid to the floor. The tears he’d been holding back for weeks finally came flooding forward, and Remus let them come, forcing himself to be silent. 

—  
Downstairs, Hope practically threw the dishes into the sink while Lyall turned on the faucet.

“I didn’t mean to set him off.” Lyall said, rolling up his sleeves 

Hope turned heel “I told you not to antagonize him today!” she fumed

“I was just-“

“I know! Okay, I know. But would it kill you to just tell him you’re proud of him? Or let him off the hook for once?” 

“No, Hope!” he hit his hands against the counter “Listen, I appreciate that you want to support him like that, and tell him he can do anything he wants, but you don’t understand the reality of this world.” 

She glared at him and crossed her arms “Oh, I don’t understand? A silly little muggle couldn’t possibly understand the complexities of your fucking world? You don’t think I understand what he has to go through having lived it alongside you for 12 fucking years?” 

Lyall sighed “That’s not what I meant.” 

“Then explain it to me.” 

He closed his eyes “I need to push him. He needs to understand that he needs to work twice as hard to get anything that the others get for free.”

“He’s sixteen years old. He doesn’t have to be constantly reminded how much his world hates him.” Hope said 

“Yes. He does. Because at Hogwarts, he’s protected. He’s safe and he has his pureblood friends and Dumbledore, and a place to go and be taken care of during the full moon. What happens when he leaves school, Hope? What happens when he’s out in the world alone and has to survive?” 

She pinched her nose “He won’t be alone, Lyall.”

“We won’t be here forever. Things are changing, do you understand? Thinks are getting worse. Every day I hear new whispers everywhere, people talking about how half-breeds are a danger to society and hiding out in plain sight, how muggle borns shouldn’t be trusted. He’s a werewolf, and is a half-blood on a technicality. I’m terrified of what could happen.” 

“All you’re doing is hurting him more, do you understand that? You’re just making him think he’ll never be good enough for you. From where I’m standing, all that’s doing is driving him out into the world a lot sooner.” 

“I’m doing what I can, Hope.” 

“Try harder.” she said “Unless you want to have the same relationship with him that you have with your own father.”

She turned around and went to their bedroom, slamming the door behind herself and leaving Lyall in the kitchen alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Remus awoke to an empty house the next morning. Lyall and Hope both left for work early, and had opted to let him sleep in after the long day yesterday. His mum left him a note in her neat, blocky writing on the kitchen table.

“There’s food in the kitchen, and a couple pounds in case you need something. Be back late, I love you.” She attached a five pound note to the letter, which Remus pocketed and went back to his room without eating anything. His restless body wouldn’t let him sit still for very long and allow him to read the battered copy of Cat’s Cradle. He ended up reading the same page four times without processing anything at all before tossing the book aside and stretching with his back against the floor. The hard pit that had formed in his stomach last night hadn’t left. The last time he felt this horrible was his first few weeks of his first year. He had spent the better part of their first term hating himself and feeling like he was an imposter in the great hall. But once he’d made friends… Remus shook his head, trying to move his mind off school and his friends. 

Perhaps going on a walk wasn’t a terrible idea. Then he’d at least have a small task to do. He picked up his book and set off down the gravel road. There was a suburban neighborhood further down the road and Remus followed the path, winding through the fields until they let out to neatly paved roads and identical houses. He picked random directions as he wandered through the neighborhood. There were a lot of people milling about. He supposed the muggle schools were off for the summer as well, and were enjoying the first few days of their holiday. 

He finally reached a small park under a smattering of trees. A playground was set off to the side where already exhausted looking mothers sat on benches, one or two bouncing a baby on their laps. Remus walked until he found one that was unoccupied and sat, ignoring the odd glance one of the suburban mothers threw his way. He cracked the spine of his book- largely because he knew how much it would bother his father- and began to read, enjoying the slight breeze on his face. An hour passed, the playground growing more crowded, and Remus got the strangest sense that he was being watched. He glanced up at the mothers, but most of them had left and two of them were talking amongst themselves. He went back to reading just as someone slid annoyingly close beside him on the bench. He looked up to say something and was stunned to see Lily grinning at him. She was dressed in a pair of short shorts and an embroidered floral top. It was almost jarring to see her looking so different from her usual school outfits. 

“Lily!” He said “What are you doing here?”

“Uh- I could ask you the same question? My house is right over there.” She pointed down the street a ways “You aren’t stalking me, are you? I mean, I know I’m irresistible.” 

Remus smiled despite himself “No, I- My parents moved into the farm house down the road a ways.”

“You’re kidding!” She gasped “That’s amazing, what a small world.” 

“Yes, I suppose so.” He said

“Come on, I’ve got to tell my mum about this.” She said, grabbing him by the hand  
“Oh, Christ, Lily I look terrible.” He said, glancing down at the wrinkled button up he had thrown on this morning over an old t-shirt. 

“Nonsense, she doesn’t care.” She insisted. Against his will, she lead him down one of the suburban streets to a brick building with white shutters. It looked more or less like every other house in the neighborhood, with their identically manicured lawns and neat driveways. 

Lily watched him take the house in “I know, it’s awful, right?” She said

“No! No, it seems lovely.” Remus said “Just not how I expected you to live.”

“And you were picturing how I live?” She cocked an eyebrow 

“You’re insufferable.” he said “I just mean, I pictured something a little more… Chaotic.” 

“I’m going to choose to take that as a compliment.” Lily said

“Really though, It’s a beautiful house.”

“You’re too nice for your own good.” She said, stepping through the unlocked front door and into the house. The entryway had a family portrait from several years back framed above a coat rack, with an individual spot for every family member. 

“Is that your sister?” Remus asked, pointing at the tall, severe looking girl in the portrait.

“Unfortunately.” Lily grumbled “Consider yourself lucky, she’s off doing something annoying this morning so you don’t have to deal with her.” 

A voice came from further into the house “Lily? You’re back early.” 

“Mum, you’ll never guess who I ran into.” Lily said, leading Remus inside.

An older woman with light brown hair neatly pinned into place and a hair of glasses perched on her noise came out of the kitchen, drying her hands on a tea towel.

“And who is this?” She asked

“Mum, this is my friend Remus from school.” She said, gripping his arm as if he were about to bolt.

“Oh! Yes I’ve heard a lot about you- you’re the other prefect, isn’t that right?” 

“Er-yes.” Remus said, holding out his hand “It’s lovely to meet you, Mrs. Evans.”

“Goodness, please call me Jane” she said, shaking his hand with both of hers. “So what brings you to our little part of the country?” 

“His parents just moved to that farm house down by the fields.” Lily said “How cool is that?”

“What a funny little coincidence!” Jane laughed “I suppose you and Severus have another school friend to hang out with.” 

Remus felt an unexpected pang of shame. He had forgotten the two of them were friends before.

Lily frowned “Mum, I told you I’m not friends with him anymore.” she said darkly 

“Right, sorry.” She said, raising her hands up. “Well I’m in the middle of a cake right now, I’m sure you’d love to show Remus around. It was lovely to meet you, dear.”

“You as well, Mrs. Evans.” Remus said, giving her a wave

“It’s Jane!” 

“He’ll never cal you that, Mum.” Lily said “Come on, i’ll show you my room.”

“Door open, Lily.” Jane said

Lily went red “Mum! He’s a friend.”

“Those are the rules.”

Lily groaned and dragged Remus up a set of white carpeted stairs up to her bedroom. It was fairly large, a twin bed pushed in the corner with a teal comforter. Every bit of the wall was covered in a hodge lodge of posters and pictures, some of them moving and some of them still. 

She flopped down on her bed while Remus studied the wall. “Have you lived here your whole life?” he asked 

“Yep, since day one.” She said “It’s horribly dull, There’s literally nothing to do.”

“It’s nice though.” Remus said “I don’t really have a hometown, we’ve always sort of bounced around.”

“Why’d your family move here?” She asked

“Oh, we- my dad got a new job.” Remus said 

“That’s cool!” She said “He’s a wizard, right?”

“Yeah, he’s half like me.”

“What does he do?”

Remus shrugged “I don’t really know much about this new one. He doesn’t stick to one thing for very long, it’s hard to keep track. He did work for the ministry for a while when I was little, but he left.” 

“I always wished I got to travel more as a kid.” She said “Other than the occasional holiday, we didn’t see a lot.”

“There’s still time.” Remus said “What does your dad do?”

“He’s a weatherman.” Lily said with a slight smile

“You’re kidding.” He said

“Nope.”

“How did I not know that?” Remus asked

Lily shrugged “I tried to explain what it was to so many people at school, I eventually just stopped trying. I think a few people are still sure he’s some kind of muggle psychic.” 

“They can be a little dense something.” Remus said 

“Your mum’s a muggle, right?” She asked.

Remus nodded “She’s a secretary for a barrister.” 

“Wow, she still works while she's sick?” Lily asked.

“Hm? Oh, yes. Well, we need the money. And she’s been a lot better recently.” he lied 

“Remus, that’s great.” She said “You know Dorcas and I were just talking about how little we know about you the other day.”

“You know plenty about me.” He said, shifting slightly where he stood

She shook her head “I know you’re a half-blood, that you’re good at defense against the dark arts, that you are accident prone, and that your mum is sick. Oh and you like Kurt Vonnegut.” 

“Yeah that’s basically all there is to know.” he said 

“Bollocks.” She said. 

Remus leaned over to her bookshelf where she had stacks of records in no particular order “I love Lou Reed.” He said “I don’t think I’ve heard this one yet.”

Lily grinned “He’s a genius.” She stood up and took the record from Remus and set up her turntable in the center of her floor, replacing the record already inside and setting the needle to drop. “Once we leave school, I’m going to run off to New York for a year and get in with everyone in that scene.” 

Remus sat on the floor across from her “That’s a hell of a career plan.” he said 

“Well it’s not forever.” She said “I just want to go see something cool before I start… Whatever it is I end up doing.” 

“I think that’s a wonderful idea.” Remus said “You can send me a post-card.”

She chuckled and leaned back to listen to a bit of the song blaring through the speakers “Hey can I ask you something?”

He furrowed his brows “Yeah?”

“What happened with you and Severus towards the end of this year?” She asked

Remus frowned “Do you mind if we don’t get into it right now.”

Lily studied his face for a moment and resigned “Okay.”

“Thanks” He said, relieved “I’m sorry, it’s not that I don’t want to tell you, it’s just… a lot.” 

“Hey, I understand.” she said “He’s an arse, anyway.”

“It was my fault. But, he is an arse.” Remus agreed “A lot of people are right now, unfortunately.” 

Remus hadn’t intended to spend the entire day at Lily’s house, but once they had started sifting through her record collection, the day passed in a flash and the sun was begging to go down. 

“When are your parents coming home?” Lily asked, he back now flat against the floor with her feet on her bed- which did not look comfortable. 

Remus shrugged “Probably late. They’re taking some extra shifts.” Remus said 

“Do you have something to eat? You should stay for dinner.”

“Oh, no, Lily. I’m fine.” he said “I appreciate it.”

“You have to eat something.”

“I was going to make myself something at home, I’m fine.” He insisted 

“Nonsense. Literally if I have to sit through another dinner with my sister I’m going to scream.”

“You’ve been home for a day.” Remus pointed out “You’ve had exactly one meal with her.”

Lily groaned “I know but she's the worst.”

Remus mulled it over “Are you sure your parents won’t mind?” 

“They’ll be thrilled/. They love hearing about school.” 

“Alright. Fine, but only if they’re alright with it.” He said 

“Brilliant.” she said. she turned towards the door “MUM”

“Yes?” Jane called back 

“Remus is staying for dinner, okay?” 

“That’s fine! It’ll be done in 15 minutes or so.” Lily turned back to Remus and grinned 

“What would you have done if she said no?” Remus asked

She shrugged “Bring you anyway.” 

Lily’s door swung all the way open, and the sister from the portrait downstairs walked in “Can you turn this noise down? It sounds like a blender and I can't concentrate.” She said 

“Could you be more of a killjoy, Tunie?” Lily asked

Petunia eyed Remus and sneered “Who are you?”

“Er- I’m Remus, I’m a friend of Lily’s from school.” He held out his hand, which she did not take.

“Of course you manage to pick up another freak on the first day of break.” 

“Piss off, Petunia.” Lily groaned 

“Mum says dinner is almost ready.” 

“Fine, we’ll be down in a moment.” Lily said “I’d highly suggest you get that stick out of your arse before you eat. 

Petunia huffed before walking out 

“She’s a pain, I’m sorry.” Lily said 

“No, it’s alright. I’m an only child, I think it’s fun watching siblings.”

“I’m always surprised when I remember you’re an only child. You certainly don’t act like an only child.” Lily said, standing and stretching

“And what do only children act like?” Remus asked

“James Potter.” she said with a grin, offering Remus a hand to stand up.

“Yes, well. You’re not wrong there.” He admitted.

A man with shockingly red hair stepped through the door as they were trading down the stairs. He set his hat down and smiled at Lily “Hey Lily-Pad” he said, kissing the top of her head and hugging her. Mr. Evans was short and slightly plump, his red hair flecked with grey “Is this young man yours or Petunia’s?”

“Mine. He’s a friend from school, just moved nearby.”

They shook hands “Remus Lupin, sir.” he said 

“Well it’s always exciting meeting one of Lily’s school friends! What an unusual name, is that common for wizards?” he asked

“Only the ones obsessed with Roman mythology.” Remus said “It was my dad’s idea.”

“You too seemed to have fun” Mrs. Evans said, coming out of the kitchen with a steaming dish “I don’t want you spending your whole summer indoors though, Lily.” 

“I wont.” She said 

“Can I help you with anything?” Remus asked Jane

“Oh no, please have a seat!” She said “You’re very polite.”

“It’s why the professors are obsessed with him.” 

He laughed “You’re one to talk, Slug Club.” she said 

“Well I can’t help that one, I’m a delight.” She said. Petunia came downstairs and gave Remus a sideways glance. He dad kissed the top of her head the same as he’d done to Lily. 

“How was your day, Tunie?” He asked

“It was fine.” She said, sitting down “Or it was before the freak show came to town.”

“Petunia.” Jane warned “Let’s be kind to our guest.”

Jane served out Shepherds Pie onto everyone’s plate, and Remus realized just how hungry he was. He forced himself not to eat as fast as he could. 

“So how did the term treat you, Remus?” Mr. Evans asked

“Oh, er-“ Remus swilled a bite “You know, it was up and down. Mostly good though.” 

“Do you play that sport Lily’s always telling us about? Quidditch?” He asked

Lily laughed so suddenly that she choked on her potatoes

“Oy, I could if I wanted to.” Remus said

“Remus, you’ve had more broken bones than anybody in our year combined.” Lily pointed out “You’re the only person Madame Pomfrey calls by their first name.”

“Fair enough.” Remus said 

“No, it’s that other boy she’s always going on about who plays.” Jane said, snapping her fingers to remember “James?”

“Oh really?” Remus grinned, turning to look at Lily, who’s face was the same color as her hair 

“I’m not always going on about him.” She insisted “He gets under my skin.” 

Remus kept grinning at her “Oh, shut up.” 

“Petunia, where do you go to school?” he asked

She sniffed, as if being addressed directly was beneath her “You won’t have heard about it.”

His mum is a muggle, Petunia.” Lily rolled her eyes 

“Tunie goes to an all girl’s school outside of London.” Jane said

“Do you like it?”

“It’s fine.” She said, turning back to her food with her nose in the air. Remus glanced at lily and raised an eyebrow. She snorted. 

Jane forced another portion on Remus before the meal was over, and tried to make him take cake home “You’re just so skinny.” she said

“I really should be going. Thank you so much for having me, it was too kind.” He said

“You’re welcome any time.” Mr. Evans said with a grin, slapping his shoulder affectionately “Get home safe.”

Lily and Petunia began clearing the table “So is that your new boyfriend?” 

“He’s just a friend.” Lily said

“Why do you only mange to bring home boys who look like they sleep on the street?” She asked

“Why do you only manage to bring home the ones who look like they kick dogs for fun?” 

“Girls, be nice.” Mr. Evans warned from the sofa, looking over his newspaper

“Seriously though, what happened to his face? He looks like he’s been through a shredder.”

Lily glared at her “Can you ever just shut up? Even once?”

“You just can’t stand when I don’t find your weird little wounded birds as charming as you do.” She said 

Lily’s temper was quickly rising and the dish petunia was holding shook and shattered into pieces, sending leftover shepherd’s pie all over her dress and onto the floor. 

“Ugh! Mum, she’s done it again!” Petunia cried

“It was an accident!” Lily said “Maybe if you didn’t act like such a bitch, we wouldn’t have this problem.”

Jane sighed as she came into the dining room “Girls, I’m not doing this all summer.”

“But-“ Petunia began

“Both of you. Just go to your rooms. 

——

Remus got back to an empty house and curled up on the sofa, reading until he heard the door creak open and his mum walked in. She came up behind him and ruffled his hair “Hello, love.” she said, setting down her bag and kicking off her shoes. 

“Good day?” Remus asked, dog-earing his page and setting the book down.

“Oh you know, holding my tongue so I don’t yell at these bastards every second of the day.” She said, pulling a cigarette out and lighting it in one motion “If one more man calls me sweetheart, I might commit a crime.” 

“I’m sorry.” Remus frowned. 

She waved it of and slumped down beside him. “It is what it is.” she said “Anyway, what’d you get up to? Explore at all?”

“Yeah, actually.” Remus said “Turns out my friend Lily from school lives in the village.”

“Really?” Hope asked “Well that’s lucky.” 

“Yeah, it’s nice. Her parents had me over for dinner.” 

“How nice of them.” Hope smiled “We’ll have to return the favor.”

Remus frowned “We probably can’t.”

“Oh?” Hope said “Because we can make your father cook.” 

He smiled “No, it’s not that. She just thinks you’re sick.” 

“Shit.” She said , taking a drag of her cigarette ”You’re right, I forgot about that one. That does complicate things. Well, I could always come down with a life-threatening illness very suddenly.”

“You should get on that.” Remus said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lily was the most punk rock of all of them and you cannot convince me otherwise.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warnings- Underage drinking, smoking

As the summer went on, Lily and Remus began spending pretty much every day together. They spent their days wandering the village or listening to records. After a few weeks, Remus finally invited Lily to come to the house. 

“Are you sure it’s alright I’m here while your parents are gone?” She asked “You wont get into trouble, right?”

“They really wont mind.” Remus said, holding the door open for her “Or at least my mum wont.” 

Remus showed her around, feeling a little sheepish about the scuffs on the walls and the state of the furniture compared to Lily’s. But she didn’t care, she was fascinated with his dad’s books and the old pictures they had hanging on the walls. Remus managed to nick one of his mum’s spare packs of cigarettes. Lyall was constantly trying to get her to stop smoking, so much so that she had stashed spare packs in different parts of the house in case he threw out her current one. On one occasion he had just levitated them to the top of the cabinets in one of their old houses that were too much tall for Hope to reach. 

He and Lily lounged in the garden, smoking and staring at the sky “Aren’t these incredibly bad for you?” Lily asked, tapping the ash into a flower pot

Remus shrugged “If I live long enough for this to be the thing that kills me, it’ll be a miracle.” 

“Remus!” Lily shoved him “That’s so morbid.”

“It’s not morbid if it’s realistic.” 

“You’re not allowed to die, what would I do all summer? Or on patrol?” Lily asked

“Alright, fine, for the sake of your entertainment I’ll stay alive.”

“Good.” She said

Remus lay back on the grass, feeling the nice light-headed feeling come over his head and the slight ache in his lungs. The sun was lazily descending in the sky, casting long shadows over them and a warm summer breeze was drifting by. Sitting still, Remus could ignore the growing ache in his joints as the moon grew closer.

“Can I see your room?” Lily asked after a while 

Remus sat up on his forearms “There’s not much to see, but sure.”

He lead her upstairs and stood awkwardly by the door as she looked around, looking over his books and the few records he had “The Carpenters, Remus, really?” She said with a grin

“Hey, they’re actually very underrated!” He insisted 

“Not by everybody’s mum.” She teased. She wandered by his desk and noticed a square envelope from James that he hadn’t opened yet. She frowned “Listen, I know you don’t want to talk about it, but it’s just a little weird to me that you’re suddenly not speaking to any of your friends. I mean, you guys are usually concerningly co-dependent.”

Remus bit his lip and opened his mouth before closing it again, trying to come up with something to say. 

“Whatever it is, I promise I’ll understand.” She said “I just… It seems like you need somebody to talk to right now.” 

He sighed “I know. And I trust you. I’m just- finding the words is hard. It’s really complicated and messy, and I really don’t know how to begin.” 

“Take your time. You don’t have to tell me today, I don’t want to push you or anything.” 

“No, I-“ He paused “I want to tell you.” 

He took out the stolen pack of cigarettes and lit another one, giving himself a moment to think the same way his mother did. Lily sat cross legged his bed while Remus paced a little bit.

“When I was-“ He stopped again “I-“ 

“Remus, it’s okay.”

“I know. I- Er- Right. It’s just hard. I’ve never actually told anybody this before. I mean, James, Sirius, and Peter know but they all kind of just figured it out after a while. And the teachers know, I suppose. But that’s it.”

Lily furrowed her brow but nodded “Alright.”

“And if you don’t want to see me anymore, I understand. I just-“ he stared at his feet “Just please don’t tell anybody else? Even if you hate me, just don’t tell anybody.”

“Yeah of course.” Lily said “I don’t think there’s anything you can say that will make me hate you. Unless you say you’re a Tory or something.”

He laughed a little “No, nothing that drastic.”

“Well then, good.” She said

Remus took a deep breath and said “I’m a werewolf, Lily.” 

Lily blinked at him, taking it in “Oh. Oh wow.” she said “I was not expecting that.” 

“Yeah.” Remus said “I’m sorry I never told you before.”

“No! Don’t be sorry. I- thank you for trusting me with that. Remus, it doesn’t bother me at all. Actually it explains quite a lot.” 

“It doesn’t bother you?” 

“Of course it doesn’t.” She said “You’re still the same person. Well, most of the time.”

Remus couldn’t help but laugh “Thank you.”

“So what does this have to do with you and the others not speaking? Are they giving you shit about this? Because I swear I’ll find them and curse them until they don’t know their own names.”

Remus smiled a little “No, it’s nothing like that. They’ve known since 2nd year. It’s… It’s a long story.”

“I’ve got time” She shrugged. Remus sat on the other side of his bed 

“Okay. Well… they’ve been great about it, really. They help me so much, and they’ve never treated me like i’m a monster. They started helping me during the full moon as much as they could pretty early on.” He avoided going into detail about how they helped him exactly 

“Oh, wow. Severus was so interested with where you were going.” Lily said 

“He was.” Remus looked at his hands, worrying his thumb over a scar that crept out of his sleeve. “During the last full moon, he was sneaking around and trying to figure it out. You know the shrieking shack?”

“In Hogsmede?” She asked

“Yeah. That’s where I go. Dumbledore started the rumors about it being haunted by dangerous ghosts to help explain all the noise.”

“And screaming?” Lily said 

Remus nodded “It… It’s quite painful. Changing. And being locked up is safe, and it’s the best option I have, but it’s not exactly natural. The problem was, Sirius knew about the tunnel and told Severus how to get through.” 

“Oh fuck.” Lily said “So he went after you, didn’t he?” 

Remus nodded “Yeah. When I’m alone I’m not really a danger to anybody except myself. I’ll tear myself to shreds but there’s no harm done to anybody else. But if there’s somebody else there, I will kill them. I- I could have… I would have killed him. James got to him, just in time, and dragged him away. But it was so close.” 

Lily looked at him, green eyes filled will sadness “God, Remus. That’s a lot for you to hold onto.” 

He put his palms to his face for a moment “I know everyone is okay, and I’m so grateful that James got there in time… I just- It could have been so awful, I could have killed Severus, or ruined his life. I just.. Hate Sirius so much for this. That he would make me complicit in this- use me like that. I know he didn’t mean for it to get that far but-“

“No, that’s fucked up.” Lily said “That’s incredibly fucked up. Are the others taking his side on this?”

“No, I just-“ Remus sighed “I didn’t give them the chance. I didn’t want to force them to choose, especially James. Sirius is like a brother to him. Sure, we’re all close, but I can’t make him choose me over him. It’s… It’s better this way.”

“Better for who, Remus?” Lily asked softly

“Maybe it’s…” He stopped “Nevermind.”

“What were you going to say?”

“Maybe… Maybe it’s the price I have to pay.” Remus said 

“For what? Existing?” Lily asked

Instead of answering, he took a drag of his cigarette. Lily’s face fell as she studied his

“Fuck, Remus, you’re breaking my heart thinking like that.” Lily said 

“Lily, not everyone is as forgiving of this as you are.” He argued “I’m not… I’m not supposed to have this life, I’m not supposed to be happy. You don’t know… If you saw me like that you’d think the same thing.”

“Fuck that.”

“What?”

“Fuck that!” She said “I’m serious. That’s not true. You’re not a monster, Remus. You’re a good person.”

Remus closed his eyes “Weren’t you just saying that you didn’t know a lot about me?” 

Lily sighed “I meant, I don’t know what your favorite color is, or your pet peeves. I know that you’re kind, and clever, and funny. I know that you stayed up all night with that third year whose cat died, even though you were exhausted. And that you sit in the library with Peter every week to help him review. And that half the time you get into trouble it’s not because you actually get caught but because you don’t want the others to be alone. I know that when Henry Bowman made fun of my hair first year, you were the only person to tell me I looked pretty.” 

“Those are just… Things that you do. They don’t mean anything about who I am on the inside. Even if I try to be good, and to do good things, It’s not going to make a difference if i’m rotted on the inside.” He ran his hands through his hair “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be burdening you with all this.”

“It’s not a burden.” Lily said, putting her hand on his knee “I just wish I could convince you how wrong you are.” 

Remus swallowed down the lump forming in his throat and pushed his palm into his eye “Fuck. Sorry, you-you’re a really good friend Lily.”

“I’m just returning the favor.” She gave him a soft smile. Remus looked up as he heard a crack at the front of the house. Remus quickly stamped out the remaining cigarette in a teacup by his bed 

“That’ll be my dad.” Remus said, hearing the door creak open “Don’t tell him you know, he doesn’t like me telling people.”

He went downstairs, narrowly avoiding the wood beam “Hey Dad.” 

“Hello.” He said, taking off his cloak and looking up. He spotted Lily coming down the stairs and raised a slight eyebrow “Oh. You must be Lily.” 

She smiled and held out her hand “It’s great to finally meet you Mr. Lupin. I’m a big fan of your work” she said, gesturing to Remus. He rolled his eyes 

“Nice to meet you.” Lyall said stiffly “It’s nice to have friendly faces in the village.”

“Definitely! Although my sister, not so friendly. My parents would love to meet you, though.” Lily said 

“Ah, well. I’m sure we’ll figure something out.” Lyall said “Remus, I brought home something to take.” 

“Right.” Remus said, knowing the bag was full of some awful potion that was supposed to help his transformation but would likely just make his mouth taste like sand. 

Lily got the hint and turned to Remus “I should get home for dinner. I’ll see you in a couple days, yeah?” 

“Yeah, I’ll see you soon.” 

She pulled him into a hug and squeezed “It was great to meet you, sir!” 

Lyall gave her a quick smile and she left out the front door. Remus followed his dad back into the kitchen while he busied himself with this latest potion. The company he was working for right now was trying to find some sort of cure for lycanthropy, which is why Lyall had gone after the job. Personally, Remus had given up on all these nonsense solutions his dad always wanted to try. None of them had ever really done anything. One gave him blue spots, and another made him hiccup bubbles for a week. But Lyall was obsessed with fixing him, so he just kept his mouth shut and swallowed whatever vile concoction he brought home every month. 

The latest one was a small cup full of black sludge that smelled like broccoli that had been left in the fridge for a little too long. Remus nearly gagged looking at it. 

“It’s supposed to be taken 24 hours before the transformation.” He explained

“And what’s it supposed to do, stop it?” Remus asked

“They haven’t quite gotten that far. Yet.” Lyall said “It’s supposed to shorten the effects though.”

Remus sighed and drank the entire thing as if it were a shot of fire whiskey. He made a noise as it went down his throat as slow as syrup. “That is truly vile.” He said

“Yes, well, I’m feeling good about it.”

Remus didn’t say anything, but propped his head up on his elbows and watched Lyall fuss about in the kitchen to make dinner. 

“You’re seeing Lily quite often.” Lyall said 

“Yeah, she’s cool.” Remus said

“Are you two… Involved?” Lyall was trying to sound casual, which was not congruent with his personality in the slightest

“‘Involved’?” Remus smirked “Dad, this isn’t a Jane Austen novel.” 

“I’m just asking.” He said

“No, we’re not involved. She’s just a friend.”

“Hmm.” Lyall hummed. Remus gave him a look and rolled his eyes 

“We’re not seeing each other. I can be friends with a girl and not date her. Historically, that’s been my strong suit.”

“I was just wondering. You are 16, things… Happen.”

Remus screwed up his face “God, can we not talk about this?”

“Okay, fine. You shouldn’t be dating, anyway.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Remus asked

Lyall sighed “Not everything needs to be a fight between us, Remus.”

“Not everything needs to be passive aggressive, either.” 

“I just mean that you have more things to worry about right now than girls.”

Remus fought back a bark of laughter “I know.”

“Well as long as you understand. Go get washed up while I make dinner. You smell like cigarettes.” 

Remus rolled his eyes and went back upstairs, lying out on his bed and letting his head hit the wall with a thump. Telling Lily was a good thing, he knew. More than anybody else, she understood the people involved. His father would just panic and threaten to pull him out of school, and his mother would worry he was a suicide risk. He glanced over at his desk and the letter that sat unread. He sat up and grabbed it, breaking the seal with his thumb. 

“Moony,

I missed you on the train on the way back- wish we’d had a chance to talk before the term ended. Look, mate, I know the past few months have been really difficult for you, and I can’t imagine what you must be feeling. I want you to know that I’m furious at Sirius for doing what he did, and just because we’re close doesn’t mean that my friendship with you (or Peter) means any less to me. You’re all my family. I understand that you need your space right now- so I won’t bother you to much. Take the time you need. I’m always going to be here for you when you need me.

Talk to you soon,

Prongs

(P.S. I know your furry little problem is coming up again, wish I could be there.)”

James wrote in his neat cursive. Remus took out a piece of notebook paper and a pen and tried to think of something to say, but could only get as far as writing James’ name at the top. Everything he thought of sounded cheesy or insincere. The problem was, he desperately wanted things to go back to normal. He wanted to forgive Sirius and go back to the way things were, but he couldn’t get over it. 

His mind kept drifting back to a few days before the incident. Gryffindor had just won the Quidditch Cup, narrowly beating out Ravenclaw by a hair. Naturally, a massive party was in order. Every Gryffindor was milling around the common room, Sirius had smuggled in some fire whiskey he nicked over the holidays and they passed it around. Unusually uninhibited, Remus kept drinking even as others had tapped out, ignoring the calls for more shots. He and Sirius, however, kept egging each other on, drinking more. Remus enjoyed the warm, hazy feeling in his body. He felt loose and relaxed in a way that was hard for him to get while sober. 

Sirius handled everything as cool as he always did. He was more liberal than usual with his casual touch- an affectionate punch, an arm around the shoulders. Remus was glad for the fire whiskey for giving his cheeks an excuse to be tinged with pink, otherwise Sirius would have made fun of him. James was off in the corner, showboating with some other members of the team and being fawned over by a group of third year girls, and Sirius was turned to Peter, talking about something Remus wasn’t paying attention to. His arm was draped casually over the back of the sofa, and his long fingers kept casually brushing through the shaggy curls on the back of Remus’ neck, making it very difficult for him to concentrate on anything. Remus realized Sirius was explaining muggle politics to Peter, and was doing so completely incorrectly.

“That’s not how parliament works.” Remus said. Sirius swung his head around and gave Remus a toothy grin 

“Alright, then tell me how it is then.” 

And he let Remus talk, for a long time. He wasn’t even really sure where he was going, he just kept talking longer than he usually let himself go on. Peter had inevitably gotten bored and left to join James, but Sirius kept looking at him, watching his face with steel grey eyes. 

Eventually he stopped “Does that make sense?” 

“How’d you get so smart?” Sirius asked “It’s incredible.” 

Remus stared at him, mouth suddenly dry. Sirius’ attention was borrowed by someone else and Remus spent the rest of the party trying to hide a dopey grin. He wasn’t really ready to process these feelings in any real way- in fact they scared the shit out of him- but the alcohol and the euphoria of the moment was allowing him a rare moment to just enjoy it instead of overthinking everything.

Eventually, the party dwindled down, more and more people stumbling to their dorms. Or, like Peter and James, falling asleep in front of the fire. Sirius and Remus remained on the sofa, just talking about nothing. Sirius was trying to get a piece of popcorn in Peter’s mouth from the sofa as he snored.

“You’re a chaser, you should be able to get his.” Remus giggled, 

He kept missing, trying for a dozen times before handing the bowl to Remus “My hand-eye coordination is fuzzy.”

Remus took a piece and closed one eye, launching it straight into Peter’s mouth.

“OOH!” Sirius cheered, throwing his arms up and ruffling Remus’ hair. Peter simply rolled over and continued snoring. James mumbled something in his sleep. Remus laughed and when he looked back, Sirius was staring at him again, studying his face.

“Can I help you?” He asked. Sirius didn’t say anything, just brought a hand up to Remus’ face and gently ran his thumb over his jaw. Remus felt the air in his lungs hitch, and he just gaped at Sirius for moment before the other boy leaned in and kissed him. Remus was stunned, his brain so overwhelmed that he waited a moment before remembering that he should kiss back. Every one of his nerves was set on high and he had to stop himself from shaking from adrenaline. 

Peter suddenly let out a loud snore and they both jumped, splitting apart. 

“Fuck, that scared the shit out of me.” Sirius said “We should take them up to bed, huh?

“Er-yeah. Yeah, definitely.”

“I’ll take Peter.” 

It took a while to heave both of them up the stairs and into their beds. Remus gently untied each of their shoes and set James’ glasses on his bedside table. Sirius watched him do it and gave him one last grin 

“G’night Moony.” 

“G-goodnight.” Remus said, flustered as Sirius disappeared behind the curtains of his bed.

Remus got into his own bed and stared at the curtains, feeling the room spin as he replayed the night in his head over and over again. 

They didn’t speak of it again before the incident, and Remus felt humiliated, knowing that Sirius probably saw right through him. Saw his silly little crush and assumed Remus would let him do whatever he wanted. After all, that’s what Remus did best, wasn’t it? Easily manipulated, easily persuaded into half-baked plans and dangerous schemes. All any of them had to do was smile at him and talk about what a good friend he was and doormat Lupin would just roll right over. Think of what you could get him to do if you kissed him? Throw the little pouf a bone and see what happens. 

And as awful as it was, Remus couldn’t help but wonder what he was angrier about- that Sirius had tried to use him to hurt Severus, or the fact that he had kissed Remus. And what did that say about him?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short and sad, I'm sorry
> 
> Content warning: abortion, some violent imagery

Hope would often wonder just what people would think if they wandered into the cellar of her house and found it fitted with a heavy steel cage the size of an elephant. Nothing good, to be sure. She would sometimes picture her sister’s face if she ever saw it, it was good for a laugh at least. 

Among her small family, Hope was the most naturally inclined to be carefree. Happy-go-lucky. She was always quick to laugh, quick to smile, and she never found much comfort in melancholy. The full moon tested her every time, however. There was no way for her to explain the uniquely horrible experience of a mother watching her child contort and twist into something unrecognizable, and then for that thing to do its best to destroy itself. And then picking him up off the floor in the morning and patching gaping wounds and broken bones and do it all over again in a month. 

These days, she and Lyall never stayed in the room. Lyall had done all he could to sound proof it and make sure Remus was as safe as was possible, and they would wait throughout the night, neither one of them sleeping. They just waited. Lyall would pace, and think, and hate himself. Hope would sit with her back to the door to whatever room Remus was in, chain smoking and humming softly to the wood as if he could hear her. However silly, she liked to think that some part of him could still tell that his mother was just outside. The hard floor left her aching more than it used to, but she never left. 

Having a family was never a dream of Hope’s when she was young. She was headstrong, independent, and threw herself head first into the working world unknown to her mother and sisters. She didn’t change once she met Lyall. She made it clear when they started dating seriously that she wasn’t setting out to quit her job and dote after him like he couldn’t take care of himself. 

“If you’re expecting a hot meal on the table when you get home from work, you best find yourself another girl.” 

He was head over heels for her, though, thrilled to find someone who made him fight with her and challenge her. They started planning their future together, each hoping for a different life than the one they had grown up in. She wanted kids, for sure. She always knew she did. Hope adored her big chaotic family, surrounded by cousins and sisters. It was a loud, happy home, but she was always frustrated with their contentment to stay in their tiny Welsh town, never venturing anywhere or changing. Her father would go to the sitting room after supper and leave her mother to clean the meal she had prepared. She didn’t mind it, but nothing was less appealing to Hope. 

Lyall had grown up with only his father- a bitter and angry man who was content to drink himself to death sitting across from his single son in resentful silence. School had been the one escape he had, and he admitted early on that he dreamed of having a home full of books and music and laughter. 

When Remus came, he was such a happy baby. One of her sisters had a boy around the same age as him, and she would lament to Hope that he was so slow to smile and laugh. But Remus would giggle at everything, and light up with a smile whenever they picked him up. She would often just stare at him as he slept, amazed that they had made something like him. Letting herself daydream, she thought of their life in the next few years. Another baby, a place in the city with enough space for them to grow- her own office for her to write. They were well on their way. 

Nobody was lucky forever, she supposed. She was never bitter about the way her life turned out. She was happy, she loved her life and her family. Those first few weeks had been the worst of her life. Even when her mother died, she had never felt the kind of grief she now did, standing watch over her son’s bedside. She didn’t leave. She spent every hour by his side, willing him to wake up- to be okay. And he would smile at her and let this fade into an unpleasant memory. When he did finally wake up, he woke up screaming and fighting. It took her and several of the strange wizard doctors to finally calm him down. They hardly wanted to touch him, would barely look in his direction. Hope knew they had kept him alive, but she hated every one of them. 

Lyall would flit in and out of the hospital. He was a complete wreck, alternating between pacing around the hospital room and going to his old office to try and find anybody who would help them. He came up with dozens of plans that he immediately scrapped. Hope didn’t listen to him. She hated to admit it, but in that moment she hated him, too. She hated that he had brought her into this world, and that he put a target on their backs. All she wanted to do was to hold her child and take him home with her, away from this world neither one of them belonged in. 

It was then that she found out she was pregnant again. She had begun to suspect before the attack, but when the test finally confirmed it, she knew immediately what she had to do. Her plans had changed in the way they only can when something devastating happened. The idyllic life she’d imagined for herself didn’t matter anymore. The house in the city, the spare room for her to write, everything left her mind immediately. Nothing else mattered to her anymore, save for Remus lying in his hospital bed. She didn’t think twice, just called a friend of hers’ from school who knew where to go and one day, quietly left Lyall with Remus and had the procedure done. It was easy, and she felt nothing but relief as she left the clinic and went straight back to St. Mungo’s. Lyall would never know. It wasn’t that he wouldn't support her decision, but he didn’t need another thing to feel guilty over. She would never tell Remus, either. Once he asked why they hadn’t had more children and she just laughed 

“I got it perfect the first time. Why jinx it?” 

She meant it, too. Against all odds, Remus came home. He didn’t smile much anymore, and she missed the sound of his laughter, but he was alive. That was all she ever wanted. 

Lyall handed her a cup of tea in her favorite cup, the one with a slight chip on the bottom. She rubbed her ring finger over the rough ceramic and gestured for Lyall to sit down. He groaned as he lowered himself down with his back against the door. Hope let her head fall against Lyall’s shoulder and he put his arms around her shoulders, rubbing her arm in slow circles. 

“Do you want to get some sleep?” He asked, as he did every time they did this 

“No. I’m alright.” She said, putting her hand on his knee 

——————————

The early dawn light was peeking through the tiny window in the cellar when Remus finally came to. He felt worse than he had in a long time, and already knew he was bleeding. He forced himself upright and immediately wretched next to him. Lyall came down the stairs quickly and fumbled with the lock on the door. 

“Are you alright?” He asked

Remus nodded slowly and Lyall helped him up, practically carrying him up the stairs and lying him down on the sofa. Spending so many full moons running around the forbidden forest, he had forgotten just how painful the transformations were on his own. His throat felt raw from use and there was a sharp pain in his mouth from struggling against the bars. Blood was oozing slowly from where he’d gouged his torso from his collarbone to his stomach, and he had bitten himself pretty badly on his wrist. His father got to work patching him up. His healing spells were never quite as good as Madame Pomfreys, but it at least stopped the bleeding. 

He must have passed out after that. When he woke up, the afternoon light was coming in through the window, and Lyall had pulled up one of the kitchen chairs and was sitting beside him, reading. As soon as he saw Remus open his eyes, he set it aside. He strained to sit up.

“Hey, take it easy.” Lyall said. He handed him a glass of water and Remus drank a bit 

“What time is it?” he asked, his voice gravely 

“Around 11.” 

Remus nodded slowly and rubbed his eyes “That was a rough one.” He said

“Seemed to be. How are you feeling?”

“A little nauseous.” he admitted “But not terrible. My jaw is killing me, though.”

“I think you may have cracked a tooth.” Lyall explained “It should be fixed now. 

“Thank you.” Remus said 

“Do you think you can eat? 

Remus shook his head and made a face “Not now. Later.”

“I should let you get some more rest.” Lyall said, moving to stand up.

Remus stopped him “Oh, er-“ he felt a little embarrassed, but he hated being alone the morning after the full moon “Can you maybe stay for a bit?” 

Lyall’s face softened “Of course.” he said “Do you want a book?”

“What are you reading?” Remus asked him 

“Proust.” Lyall said “It’s a little dull.”  
“Could you read aloud for a while?” 

“Of course.” Lyall smiled


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: Underage drinking, recreational drugs, smoking

Remus spent the next week recovering from the full moon. Lyall insisted he stay at home to be sure he didn’t strain himself. After a few days, he was persuaded to allow Lily to come up and hang out with him. She brought over records and her mum sent treacle tart- which ended up eating with their hands while they listened to a Stooges album, which successfully got his dad to stop lingering around. 

“If I wanted to listen to Americans screaming at nothing, I’d turn on the news.” He once said to Hope when she tried to get him to listen to a record she liked.

When he left, Lily turned to him “How are you feeling?” she asked

“Not bad.” Remus said “He’s just being paranoid.” 

“It’s cute! He’s like you.” She said “Seriously though, you look like hell.”

“You’re too kind.” he glared at her “I’ve had worse.”

“Wha- Nope, sorry, almost asked a rude question.” She said 

“I hate to break this to you, but you are often a rude person. What was the worst one?” 

She nodded enthusiastically “Yes, please. If you don’t mind.” 

“I don’t understand your passion for people’s gross stories about their broken bones or worst time they hurt themselves as a child.” Remus said “I heard you ask 3 different first years this term.”

“I’m a naturally curious person.” Lily shrugged 

Remus thought for a moment and glanced to the side to make sure his father wasn’t lingering around and rolled up his sleeve to his shoulder, where he’d gotten himself stuck on the bar of a cage and tore off a significant part of the underside of his arm, where the skin was now strange and red with scarring. “Fourth year.” 

“I remember that!” She said, wincing in sympathy “You were out with ‘suspected dragonpox’ for an entire two weeks. We all thought you were dead.” 

“Oh yeah, I remember the cards.” Remus grinned 

“I’m glad you’re alright.” She said 

“I always am.” He insisted “I’m going to be away all of next week, actually” 

“Remus, they cant keep us apart like this, how will I cope?” She dramatically flopped down on the bed and Remus shook his head “Why are you going out of town?”

“Visiting my mum’s family in Wales.” He said 

“Oh, cool.” She said “Do you see them often?” 

“No, not really.” He said “It’s always hard to find a good time to go over there with my… Schedule. My dad will be here though if you have an emergency situation or killed your sister” 

“Why is Lyall staying here?” She asked

“It’s a little weird that you keep calling my parents by their first names.” He said 

“Why is ‘Mr. Lupin’ staying home?” 

“He and my mum’s family don’t get on much. My grandfather hates him. They will only speak Welsh around him because he’s the only one who doesn’t speak it.” 

“What did he do?” she laughed 

“Well, they got on for a little while when they first got married- they lived in Cardiff and could see them fairly often. But once I got the bite, we started moving around a lot. Dad lost his job and they didn’t understand why we didn’t just come live with them for a while, which of course they couldn’t because of me. And when we did see him, I had a lot of bruises we couldn’t really explain. So my grandfather became convinced that he was abusing us, which is laughable if you’ve ever spoken to my father, and he gave him a black eye.”

“Jesus Christ, that’s absolutely mental.” She said

“Oh yeah.” Remus said “Mum had to swear on her mum’s grave to make him believe that we weren’t being battered. They’ve been on the outs since then.”

“Your family sounds fun.”

“I’d go with ‘diagnosable’” Remus said 

She ate for a moment and nodded “Wait, you can speak Welsh?”

“Gallaf.” He said “Mum wanted to make sure I could speak it so I’d feel connected to her side of the family. Since me and dad have magic.”

It wasn’t that Remus disliked his mother’s family. They were lovely to him, but he always felt incredibly out of place when he went to visit. Likely because he’d grown up so distant from his family and didn’t have friends, it had always overwhelmed him when they went into a house that was stuffed to the brim with chaos, and everyone is still just drinking and talking over the din, interrupting each other to yell. Hope got right back into it as soon as she crossed the threshold of her sister’s house, the three of them screaming like schoolgirls again. They began rapidly talking to each other, as fast as possible. 

His Aunt Gwen put Remus’ cheeks between her hands affectionately “Goodness look at him! I could barely recognize you.”  
“When did he get tall?” his other aunt, Mary said, her arm draped over Hope’s shoulder

“Lord knows. I send him off to school and he shoots up like a weed. I don’t know what they feed them.”

Gwen put her hands up “You can hardly keep them clothed, can you?”

They were used into the house, where Mary’s and Gwen’s husbands were standing, drinking and loudly discussing something a mutual friend of theirs had done. A few younger kids, Mary’s, were running around without a care, almost crashing into the wall at several moments. 

“Christ, you’ll bash your heads in!” Mary yelled after them

Gwen leaned over the stairs and yelled “Dai, Edwin! Come say hello to your cousin.” 

A moment later, two boys around his edge came down the stairs. Dai was the oldest, newly 18 and was thin with a long mop of dark brown hair. He was applying to Uni soon for some science course that Remus didn’t quite understand. Edwyn was younger, not much older than Remus. His hair was darker than Dai’s, and was cropped closer to his head. The only thing Remus really knew about him was that he played rugby for his school. 

“Alrigh?” Edwyn said, shaking his hand 

“Alrigh.” Remus answered “Good to see you, it’s been a while, yeah?” 

“I don’t think you talked the entire time you were here last time.” Dai said 

“Yeah I figured it out since then, you have to move your mouth and make the sounds. Took me a minute.” 

Edwyn laughed a little and punched his arm a little. The night continued, everyone chattering amongst one another for hours. Remus milled about and kept getting swept into conversations with his uncles who would inevitably get into an argument with one another about some minor detail of the story one of them was trying to tell, and Remus would get lost in the casual rapport. They did hand him a beer, however, and waved off his aunts when they objected.

“Oh, let him have it. He’s sixteen.” He took it happily and cooly as he could walked away from their conversation, only to be sucked into his aunts’ orbit.

“Remus, tell us about school! We never get to see you.” Mary said 

“Yeah, do you have a girlfriend?” Gwen said 

“Oh come off it, don’t interrogate him.” Hope said, leaning back on her chair and sipping her beer. 

“Oy, you’re one to talk.” Remus said “You pestered me for 20 minutes about Lily the other day.” 

“Ooooh, Lily?” Mary said

“She’s a friend.” Hope waved them off “They treat one another like they’re siblings.”

Remus managed to extract himself from his aunts as well, slipping into the garden. Dai and Edwyn were huddled away from the door, smoking by the garden gate. 

“Can I bum one?” Remus asked. Dai obliged, cupping his hand around the end of it and lighting it for him. “Thanks.”

“Never thought you’d be the type” Edwyn chuckled “Always thought you were a bit uptight like.” 

“To be fair you haven’t seen me since I was 10. And you chased me around the entire week.”

Dai laughed “Sorry, mate.” 

“Nah, you’re good.” He said, taking a sip of his drink 

Edwyn tapped his shoulder with his glass “Oy, you should come to this party with us tonight.”

He waved them off” Oh, no that’s fine. You don’t have to bring me along.” 

“It’s cool, Sian’ll be find with it. I think she’s sick of all the townie boys at this point.” Dai said. 

They went back to the kitchen and Dai put his head on his mother’s head “We’re taking Remus out with us.”

“Oh you are, are you?” Gwen said, crossing her arms “And what does Remus feel about this.”

He shrugged “Seems fun. Mum?”

She studied the three of their faces skeptically “Don’t do anything stupid, yeah?” 

“Course not!” Edwyn said, finishing his drink “We’ll keep an eye on him, Aunt Hope.” 

“Oh this one is a beacon from trouble, don’t let him fool you.” Hope said “Go. Have fun.” 

The path to the party went through a wooded trail and when they were far enough from the houses, Dai looked around and pulled something from his pocket 

“Ever been high, Remus?” he asked

“No, I can’t say I have.” Remus said, thinking it best to not try and lie to play it cool 

“Oh tonight will be fun.” He grinned. He lit the end of what looked like a long cigar wrapper and inhaled, holding it for a moment and exhaling thick smoke

“Careful hitting it, yeah?” He said, handing it to Remus “It’s not like a cigarette.” 

Despite himself, Remus inhaled and immediately began to cough, eyes and nose watering as they kept walking. Dai laughed, slapping him on the back

“It happens to everyone. Go on.” 

He had more success this time, and offered it to Edwyn who shook it off 

“Mr. Athlete doesn’t poison his body with this stuff.” Dai said, taking it instead 

“Edwyn, I’ve seen you smoke cigarettes and drink beer tonight.” Remus said “How is this different?”

A light, bouncy feeling was starting to hit him as they walked, passing the blunt back and forth. and Dai giggled at him “You feeling it?” 

Remus couldn’t help but laugh “Oh yeah.” he coughed. Edwyn rolled his eyes and Dai stamped out the last half-centimeter out and chucked it into the woods as the path let out to a dark street with a single house with a few teenagers milling about on the lawn. A young blonde girl waved them over.

“Who’s this then?” She asked

“This is our cousin, Remus. He’s in town for a bit.” Edwyn said “This is Sian.” 

She cocked an eyebrow at him and looked him up and down “How tall are you?” 

“Oh, uh- I’m not really sure to be honest.” 

She smiled a bit “Nice to meet you.”

“Alright, keep your knickers on.” Dai said, following her inside.

The house was close to full, different groups circled around each other, people running back and forth getting drinks. It was strange to Remus, being faced with a party full of people he didn’t know. Every other time he had been at a party, drinking, he was with people who had known him since he was 11, longer than anyone save for his parents. These people had no idea who he was- would never know the frail little kid who flinched when people spoke to him. He felt… Liberated. Not just because of the drugs. 

If just for the night, he became a different Remus, in another life. One who had never met Fenrir Greyback. Perhaps he would come visit over the summer, on Christmas. He imagined this other Remus would be happier, confident. Walking into a room of strangers was nothing to him, he navigated them with ease. Remus spent the night drinking with his cousins, chatting with their friends, told jokes. 

He meandered around the room, accepting drinks and hits of a joint when they were offered, his head pleasantly hazy even as the party began to calm down a little bit. After a while, he ended up in the kitchen, leaning against the fridge and staring at the gaudy wallpaper that was very fashionable right now.

He ran into that girl- Sian- again when she walked in to get a drink.

“And what are you doing, then?” She asked, smiling and crossing her arms

“I’m staring at your wallpaper.” Remus said, pointing at it. 

She leaned against the fridge with him and stared as well “It’s like its dancing, isn’t it?” 

“Exactly.” Remus said “This is a lovely party by the way.”

“Thanks.” She said

“Your parents, they let you do this?”

She shook her head “They’re out of town, just me for right now.”

“Mine do that too. Never done anything like this though.” 

“Why not?” She asked “Afraid of breaking some rules?”

Remus smirked “No, but I don’t like people in my home past a certain hour.” he said

“So you’re an old man, then?

“I-“ He paused, thinking “I might be an old man, yes.”

He took a sip of his beer and Sian laughed. 

“You don’t look anything like Dai and Edwyn, I’d have never guessed you were related.” 

“Yeah, I take after my dad.” He said “Which is probably good because my mum is about 5 feet tall.” 

“I can imagine how that’d be difficult, yeah.” She said “I look exactly like my mum. Like, exactly. It’s horrifying. It’s like I’m Dorian Gray.” 

“Well, as long as you don’t end up in an Opium Den.” He said. 

“Do you want a cigarette?” She asked suddenly

“Yeah, sure.” 

She lead him back to the garden, where the noises from the party were dimmed. Everything was dark until she flicked her lighter, illuminating her soft face with orange. She lit two cigarettes between her lips and then handed one to Remus.

“Thanks.” he said 

“So why’d your family move away from here?” She asked 

Remus shrugged “My dad, mostly.”

“He’s not Welsh?” 

Remus shook his head “Just mum. He liked it here though, we just ended up moving around for a while for his work.”

“What does he do?” 

“He’s an insurance adjuster.” Remus lied 

“Ah.” She said, pausing for a moment “I was trying to think of something to say, but that actually sounds really boring, I’m so sorry.” she laughed 

“Oh no, you’re absolutely right.” 

She turned towards him, shoulder against the stone fence “So how’d you cut your wrist?” she asked, gesturing to his sleeve. Remus glanced down, forgetting about the healing wound just covered by his sleeve 

“Oh- uh- had a bit of an accident.” He said “Tried to cook, not my strongest suit.”

She winced a little “Yikes. That sounds painful.” 

“Yes, well, it’s definitely not the worst I’ve done.” He gestured vaguely to his face

“I was going to ask, but I thought it’d be rude.” 

Remus shrugged “Every kid I’ve seen in a grocery store for the past ten years has asked in about as many ways you can imagine. I don’t mind. It was a car accident when I was little.”

“Oof.” She said “Was it bad?”

Remus cocked his eyebrow and she laughed “Okay, I know, it was probably bad.”

“It could have been worse,” Remus said “I almost died, so at least I got a cool story out of it.” 

“Do they feel any different? She asked “Than your normal skin?”

Remus shrugged “I never really thought about it before.” 

Sian reached over and touched his face, running a thumb over the scar running down his cheek. Remus blinked in surprise, his brain trying to come up with the appropriate response. Was he supposed to kiss her? He should kiss her. That was what you’re supposed to do when faced in this situation, he reasoned. Feeling bolder than he normally did, he leaned in and kissed her on red painted lips. 

It wasn’t bad. It was quite nice, actually. Despite his claims of being better off alone, Remus actually liked being touched, feeling someone’s skin against his own and feeling the small movements their bodies made. She was soft, and beautiful, and her thumb was still rubbing against the hair on his jaw. After a moment, Remus pulled away and closed his eyes, and Sian looked embarrassed.

“Sorry, sorry.” She said “That was dumb- uh”

“No! No, that was great.” He said “I-“

There was a noise from the door and Dai took a step into the garden and quickly vomited on a lawn gnome. Edwyn followed him and groaned “Fuck, there you are!” he said, seeing Remus “We’ve got to go, mum’ll kill us if we aren’t back by midnight. Help me drag him back?”

“Right, yeah” Remus quickly helped Edwyn hoist Dai up to his feet 

‘Right. See you, then.” Sian said, her blush visible even in the dark 

“Er- yes, you too. Give me a shout, yeah?” He said, simply because it seemed like what he should do.

She smiled a little “Yeah okay.”

“Come on, Casanova.” Edwyn said “And you might want to wipe that lipstick off before you go back inside.”

They managed to get back to the house in time and hauled Edwyn up to his bed. The two of them shared a room and Gwen had set up a cot on the ground for him. Each of them crashed immediately, not bothering to change. The bed spun with him as Remus replayed the night over again, unable to sleep. 

He thought of kissing Sian and wondered briefly what was wrong with him. She was beautiful. She was beautiful and wanted to kiss him. He drifted off and imagined lips on his and the tickle of hair against his cheek, but the eyes he thought of weren’t kind and brown, the hands on his cheek soft. They were steel grey, and a little cruel, but they looked directly at him like he was something worth looking at. 

——

“Did you hear them coming in, middle of the night, trying to sneak in like we don’t know they’re out of their heads?” Gwen said, setting the kettle on the stove early the next morning.

Hope was still groggy from sleep and wrapped her robe tight around her “Oh come on, they’re young. It’s good for them to have a little bit of fun.”

“Well my boys could stand to have a little less fun. Lord knows I worry about Edwyn going into his A-levels.

“Lyall’s been all over Remus about it.” Hope said, although she was sure her nephews weren’t worried about casting spells and making potions for their A-levels.

“I can’t imagine there’s much for you to worry about with him.” Gwen said

Hope cocked an eyebrow at her sister “You’d be surprised.”

“He hasn’t gone all girl crazy on you, has he? I swear Dai sneaks a new one up to his room every other day.”

“Perhaps the universe is getting revenge for you sneaking boys up to your room as a teenager?”

“You make me sound like a slag! It was only once or twice.”

“A week. “

“Oy, don’t be a bitch.” Gwen laughed, giving her a light smack on the arm. “Has Remus talked about anybody?”

“No, not really.” She said “He’s never really gone out with anybody. If he has, he hasn’t told me about it. There’s that girl in our town who goes to school with him. but I really don’t get that sort of feeling about them.”

“Well that makes sense.” Gwen said, turning to grab two mugs from the cupboard as the water began to boil. 

“What d’you mean?” Hope asked

“I don’t mean anything by it. I’m just saying, he’s always been a little bit… Sensitive.” 

“Oh come off it.” She frowned “He’s a late bloomer is all.” 

“Love, you were a late bloomer too, but you have to admit there’s something different about him.” 

“Come on Gwen, you’re better than that. Just because he prefers reading to rugby doesn’t mean anything.”

“Now don’t be cross with me because it was Carwyn who brought it up. Not that I have any sort of problem with it, there’s plenty about these days. I’ve just always wondered is all.” She filled up each cup with tea and slid one to Hope

“He’s not a homosexual, Gwen.” Hope said in a hushed tone.

“Okay! Okay, sorry” she said, holding her hands up “You’re always so defensive about him. It’s because you only had the one.” 

“I’m not defensive.” Hope said “I just… I don’t know, alright? He’s never said anything. The thought has crossed my mind once or twice, I’ll admit it. Frankly, it doesn’t matter to me one way or another.”

“How do you think Lyall would react?” Gwen asked

“What d’you mean?”

“Well you know how men get.” She said “And with him being the only son and all that.” 

“I don’t think it would make much of a difference for him. The idea of Remus dating at all makes him break into a cold sweat.” 

“I suppose it’s natural to be a little overprotective, given the accident and all. And how sick he was as a kid.”

Hope gave a non-commital noise and sipped her tea, “Anyway, he’s so sullen these days anyway, It’s impossible to get a read on anything with him.” 

“All teenagers are the same in that way.” She sighed “We really all ought to apologize to Da at some point. Gwen said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a general note: since this is roughly 1975, I'm using terms and attitudes for queer people that were common at the time, because I don't think it's realistic or interesting to do otherwise.
> 
> Don’t do drugs, kids! Wait until your prefrontal cortex has finished developing and then maybe try them a little. (For legal reasons that’s a joke)


	6. Chapter 6

The rest of the visit passed rather uneventfully- save for Remus and his cousins suffering through a service at his grandfather’s synagogue hungover. Their mothers laughed at them standing groggily in the pews with their faces green. Remus spent some time with his grandfather, a kind yet quiet old man who adored his daughters more than anything. He was a history teacher before he retired, and now spent much of his time working to preserve the Welsh language as best he could. The day before they left, he took Remus on a walk throughout the woods and told him stories of his time in the war in his low, melodic Welsh. 

As they made their way back to the house he sighed and clapped Remus on the back “Mor ifanc i fod mor drist.” he said with a sigh ‘so young to be so sad’ 

Remus didn’t get a chance to ask what he meant before the old man turned back towards the trail.

On the long drive home, Hope was uncharacteristically quiet, gripping the steering wheel and biting her thumbnail as she did when she was thinking.

“Do you miss it?” Remus asked after a while

“Hmm?” She said, brought out of her thoughts “Oh, sometimes. I get nostalgic, you know?”

“You could always move back, now that I’m older. I’m gone most of the year anyway.” 

She smiled but shook her head “No, I romanticize it, but I was always meant to leave the village. I never could have stayed for very long.” 

“That’s fair. It was nice though, I had a good time.”

“I’m glad.” She said “I heard you were a regular socialite at that party. Could hardly believe it when Dai told me.” 

He laughed “I wouldn’t go that far, I was just having fun.” he said “It was kind of nice, pretending to just be normal.” 

Hope looked at him with sadness in her eyes and tried to hide it by turning straight ahead “Your grandfather was happy to spend time with you.” 

“He’s cool. Told me a lot of his war stories.”

“Oh he loves to go on about that.” She laughed “Did he tell you the one about the can of Spam?” 

“That can’t be real.” Remus shook his head

\-----

The sun was setting by the time they pulled up to the cottage. Lyall met them at the door and Hope stood on her tip toes to kiss him. 

“I missed you.” She said 

“It’s been quiet here without you two.” He said, helping bring in their bags “How were your sisters?”

“Same as always.” Hope said “Da actually asked how you are.”

“Well that’s progress, at least.” 

“He was disappointed to know you were doing fine.” she said with a grin. 

Lyall shrugged “Par for the course. Did you have a good time, Remus?” 

“Yeah, it was fun. Went to a party with Dai and Edwyn.” He said, leaning on the threshold of the sitting room as Hope flopped down on the sofa. 

“Oh?” Lyall asked, glancing at Hope 

“It was fine, just some kids from their school.” She rolled her eyes

“Well, so long as you were safe.” Lyall said

“What’d you get up to without us?” Hope asked

“Kept the house tidy for more than twenty minutes.” Lyall said happily “I’m fully prepared for that to not happen again.” 

“Not while I’m alive.” Hope said. Much of their relationship was Lyall following behind Hope and closing kitchen cupboards she forgot she opened and finding cold cups of tea lying on random surfaces. He did so without complaint, as much as Remus knew he preferred things to look tidy. 

Remus smiled at them and went to the kitchen to find something to eat. He grabbed a packet of crisps and absently picked up the latest copy of the Daily Prophet that was lying on the counter where Lyall left it. Under the top headline about the playoffs for the Quidditch League finals, the headline read in bold letters “Department of Magical Law Enforcement Announces New Legislation for Werewolf Registry” 

He felt his stomach flip and quickly folded over the paper to read. 

“In conjunction with the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, the Department of Magical Law Enforcement announced Thursday that they would be going forward with a controversial piece of legislation regarding werewolf regulation within the Ministry. The legislation, expected to go before the Wizengamot for approval in June, would designate funds from each department in order to establish a national registry for those afflicted with lycanthropy. 

The registry is expected to function under the Beast division of the Department for the  
Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures- sparking controversy among advocates who say that the Beast classification adds false stigma to werewolves who have yet to harm anybody else. 

A representative of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and co-author of the bill, Harold Minchum released a statement saying “The creation of a National Werewolf Registry is necessary to combat the rise of Werewolf-related attacks and keep innocent Witches and Wizards safe from harm. In no way is this an attempt, as some have accused, to restrict the rights of those afflicted. We have a responsibility to ensure that all werewolves are taking the necessary precautions to protect themselves and others from the danger they present to society. Law abiding werewolves will have nothing to fear if they have nothing to hide.” 

At this moment, the registry is expected to be voluntary, save for those already convicted of a crime with their lycanthropy on record. Reports from staff members at St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, who have been on the forefront of treatment and support for werewolf bites, have stated that Ministry representatives requested their records for those who sustained injuries and were treated there for the past 20 years- a request that they denied. 

A statement was released following the announcement of the registry stated that under no uncertain terms would they be releasing confidential patient data unless compelled by law to do so. The Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures refused to comment on the statement.

Reports indicate that the legislation is expected to pass the Wizengamot and go into effect later this year.”

Swallowing, Remus reread the article over again and he heard a sigh from the doorway. 

“I was hoping you wouldn’t see that.” Lyall said 

“What does this mean?” 

Lyall thought for a moment, bouncing his head back and forth as he mulled it over “In many ways, nothing.” he said “It’s unlikely they will have very many people coming forward. It’s a rather transparent attempt to have people’s information on file.”

“Then why do it at all?” Remus asked 

“Politics.” Lyall said “There is legislation that is written to do things, to solve problems. And then there is legislation that is created to make a statement.” 

“This statement being that they’re paying attention to us.” 

“Or settling up a convenient scapegoat, yes.” Lyall nodded “Minchum is ambitious and a little too radical on the law and order side of things right now, but people are starting to be afraid at things happening in the background. Giving them more things to fear will only help him.” 

Remus felt a little ill and glanced over it again “What if they make St. Mungo’s turn over their records?” 

Lyall looked at his shoes “I don’t know.” he said “It’s unlikely.”

“But it could happen?” Remus asked

“Yes.” Lyall said. He shook his head “I don’t know. I really don’t. I thought I understood politics, i’ve certainly studied it enough and worked in that department, but… Things are changing. People don’t act rationally in times like these.” 

As if it were a bomb, Remus set down the paper slowly and stared blankly at the page. Lyall sighed and put a hand on his shoulder awkwardly. 

“We’ll be alright, okay?” He said “I’ll never let anything happen to you, you know that, yes?” 

“I know.” Remus said, although he wasn’t quite sure what Lyall could do in the face of the entire Ministry. 

——————————

The article was still running through his mind as he walked the winding path to Lily’s house the next morning. He bit the inside of his cheek while mulling it over, wondering what would happen if everyone suddenly found out all at once. Could he finish school? He knew Dumbledore would let him, although the other students might take issue. He would certainly have a target on his back. And once school was over? He couldn’t get a job, that’s for sure. It would be difficult enough as it was. Perhaps he would join Lily on her fantasy of moving to New York. 

He shook the thoughts out of his mind and knocked on the door. Jane answered the door and smiled kindly at him, giving him a hug and a peck on the cheek “We’ve missed you around here, love.” she said 

“Yeah, me too.” Remus smiled “It’s been a while.”

“Are you feeling alright? You look a bit peaky.” She said 

“Oh i’m fine, that’s just my face.” He said 

“Nonsense, you’re a very handsome boy. Lily’s upstairs, you can go ahead and go up.” Jane said. Remus went up to Lily’s room, taking the stairs two at a time. Lily was lying on her bed with her head dangling down so her dark red hair was falling around her. She was holding one of their school books and slammed it shut when she saw Remus.

“Oh thank Christ, you’re back.” She said, sitting up quickly 

“I’m here to brighten up your dull existence” he said, sitting on the ground with his back against the bed “Bored without me?”

“To tears.” She complained “I actually hung out with Petunia. So clearly i’ve gone mad.” 

“These really are desperate times.” He quipped “I missed you, too.”

“How was Wales?” 

“Bendigedig.” He said 

“There’s no way that’s a real word.” 

He laughed “It was nice. My cousin’s are surprisingly cool. They took me to a party and I did drugs.” 

“Remus Lupin, I am loving this new side of you. The bad-boy vibe suit you.” 

He let out a snort “I’m hardly a ‘bad-boy’, I just have awful coping mechanisms. I’m actually quite boring.” 

“Impossible.” She said “Tell me about the party, was there anything exciting.” 

Remus paused and shook his head “Nothing really.”

“Oh come on, I’m starved for good gossip.” She said 

“Lily, I literally told you I was a werewolf like two weeks ago.” He said “I think that’s a fair bit of gossip.”

“Yes, but that’s actually a significant life event with actual consequences in your life.” She said “I’m only interested in silly teenage nonsense that doesn’t matter. It’s why I read Petunia’s diary.” 

“Lily!”

“Oh, she’ll never find out.” Lily shrugged “Spill.”

“I mean it really wasn’t much different than the parties in Gryffindor Tower.” he said “Except I didn’t know anybody.”

“Well, did you meet anybody interesting?”

Remus bit his lip a little and gave her a look. She studied him and then gasped 

“Wait, did you snog someone?” 

“A little.” he said, his face beet red “It was quick.”

“Oh my God, Remus!” She said “You are full of surprises, lately. So what was it like?” 

“I mean… Nice. It was nice.” he said 

“‘Nice’? Sounds hot.” she said, cocking an eyebrow

“I dunno, I was high so it felt weird. She was very pretty.” He sadi 

“But not what you expected?” She said

He shrugged “I don’t mean for it to sound bad, it wasn’t bad.” 

“To be fair, my first kiss was also incredibly disappointing.” She said 

“Who was it with?” Remus asked 

“Oscar Dillanger. He’s a year above us, in Ravenclaw.”

“Oh.” He frowned “Ew. He’s a bit of a prick, isn't he?”

“So pretentious.” She confirmed “Also very much a bad kisser, but thinks he’s god’s gift to women. So don’t feel bad, it does get better after the first time.” 

Remus bit his lip again “It wasn’t my first kiss.”

“Wait, who was the first then?” She said, furrowing her brow. Remus paused and glanced at the door, knowing her sister and mother were within ear shot.

“Let’s go on a walk.” He said 

She raised an eyebrow “Okay, yeah.” 

They said goodbye to her mum and set off, Lily eyeing him the entire time “Was it one of my friends and that’s why you’re being weird about it? I’ll forgive you if it was Marlene or Dorcas.”

“No, it wasn’t any of them.” Remus said 

“That girl in Hufflepuff with the weird nose?” She asked

“No.” he said. They set off down one of the quieter roads and Remus put his hands in his pocket “You can’t say anything, alright?” 

“Have I not proven you can trust me by now?” Lily groaned 

“I do, just-“

She raised her right hand “I swear on Dumbledore’s left pant leg that I will never repeat your snogging exploits to anybody.” 

He laughed “Okay, okay.” he said, lowering his voice “It was Sirius.” 

Lily stopped in her tracks “I’m sorry, what?” she said 

Remus stopped and looked at her sheepishly “After the Quidditch cup.” he said “When everyone had gone to bed.”

“Woah. That’s not what I was expecting.” She said “And you meant to do it, it wasn’t like a drunk dare or something.”

“No, it was definitely intentional.” Remus said

“Well did you kiss him, or did he kiss you?” Lily asked

“I don’t really know? We kissed each other?” 

“Wow.” They kept walking and Lily blinked “Wait, so this was before-“

“Yep.” Remus said. 

“Did you ever get a chance to talk about it?” Lily asked 

“No.” He said “He just didn’t mention it so I didn’t mention it?”

“Why not?” 

Remus groaned “I don’t know. I don’t know if he meant to do it or if it was for a laugh? I just don’t know how he felt about it.” 

“Well how did you feel about it?” Lily asked 

Remus paused for a moment, trying to put his thoughts into coherent sentences “I just- processing all of this is way too much for me to handle. I can hardly think about Sirius without being furious, so imaging how I feel about kissing him is… Complicated” 

“No, that’s fair.” She said, thinking “So are you… Gay, then?” 

Remus looked around and shifted uncomfortably “I don’t know.” he let out a frustrated sigh “What is wrong with me? There are a thousand girls at Hogwarts. Not that any of them would actually want to date me, but still. And am I interested in them? No. God, or the universe, or whatever, decides to just throw another thing my way to make things just that much more difficult.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Remus.” Lily assured him “Except perhaps having bad taste in men.” 

He let out a bitter laugh “Oh yeah, then there’s that fun little aspect of the one boy I’m interested in is a pompous, self-centered, overprivileged arse who may actually be a sociopath, we just don’t know.” 

“Okay, I don’t think he’s a sociopath.” Lily said “I think he makes stupid decisions and has bad impulse control. Look, I know you’re angry at him now, but a kiss is not a terrible thing. It’ll pass and you can find some other arsehole to moon over.”

“Moon over? Really?” 

“Bad phrasing.” 

They turned down another street and Remus sighed “I just- I wish there was one normal thing about me. I have accepted the reality that I will be alone forever. It doesn’t bother me much, but I thought maybe there would be something good in there somewhere.”

“You’re not going to be alone forever.” Lily insisted “I’m sure there are plenty of nice young wizards who would be happy to have you. If not, we’ll go to London and find you a nice muggle boy.” 

He scoffed “Oh yeah, that’ll be a fun conversation for a date. Hello! Nice to meet you. Just a quick heads up, not only am I a wizard, but I also turn into a monstrous beast once a month and given the chance, I will kill you and everyone you love. Anyway, have any siblings?”

Lily laughed despite herself “Okay, I wouldn’t lead with that. It’ll work out, Remus.”

“Whatever you say.” He said “What about you, what’s been going on since Oscar Dillinger?” 

“Oh you know. A date here and there, but then they figure out that I’m stubborn, and difficult and let’s be honest, smarter than them. And they get intimidated.” 

“Not everyone is intimidated by smart women.” Remus said

“Let me know when you find one who’s a 16 year old boy.” She said “Perhaps marriage isn’t for me. Maybe i’ll have a string of short but passionate affairs, leaving behind lovers that will remain obsessed with me and write songs and novels about me.” 

Remus laughed “I have no doubt. If that falls apart, let’s just have a nice 1950s marriage when we’re older to get our parents off our backs.” 

“You’ve got yourself a deal, Lupin.” She said “I’m keeping my last name, however. The alliteration doesn’t suit me.”

“Well then, can I take yours?” Remus asked “Remus Evans has a nice ring to it.” 

“I’ll allow it.” 

“We can live in the guest house that James insists he’s going to build me when I’m old. He says I can live there for free in exchange for teaching his children life lessons.” 

Lily laughed “Okay, that’s actually kind of sweet.”

Remus smiled “He can be.” 

“Why doesn’t he act that way all of the time?” 

He shrugged “I dunno. He’s more of a private person than you’d think. He puts on a show for everyone else, but he’s actually a very nurturing person.” 

Lily groaned “Please don’t make me ponder the complexities of James Potter.” Remus gave her a smirk and she pointed at him “I do not like him.”

“Whatever you say.” 

“I just think he’s slightly less annoying and big-headed than he used to be.”

Remus grinned at her and she gave him a hard shove off the sidewalk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not speak Welsh so I am horribly sorry if google translate fucked it up. 
> 
> Also my biggest pet peeve is that we have NO idea how the wizard government works. It makes no sense. I have no idea why the Wizengamot is both the highest court AND the legislature but that's incredibly problematic and you start to see why they have a dark wizard problem! How do the elections work?? Are there elections?? I have a degree in poli sci and it makes me furious. 
> 
> Anyway, feel free to leave a comment if you're enjoying the fic!


	7. Chapter 7

“Dear James,

I hope your holiday is going well so far, I-“

She frowned and crumpled up the paper, tossing it in the general direction of the bin

“James Potter,” she began on another. Fuck, why was she using his full name? She abandoned this one as well and stared at a blank page

“James,

I know it’s weird i’m writing to you. Don’t read too much into this and let it go straight to your ego. Listen, I know you and Remus aren’t talking right now, and I also know why (Remus moved here, and he told me everything- even the thing you’re thinking of). I don’t want to push him, and I know you want to give him space but he misses you, all of you. And I know you miss him. As much as it pains me to ask you for help, you seemingly never run out of dumb plans that work in your favor. I really think we need to figure out a way to get Remus to at least talk to you. Frankly, I don’t care if he ever speaks to Sirius again because what he did was horrible, but that’s between them. 

Anyway, think it over and get back to me. I hope your holiday is going well. 

-Lily Evans.” 

Lily read over the note a few times and frowned. She leaned back in her chair and thought about if she should really meddle in things that weren’t her business, per say. She was worried about Remus, though. She knew he missed his friends, all of them. And the way he was talking lately… It made her nervous. It seemed like he was resigned to let himself be miserable forever if it was less of an inconvenience for other people- letting anybody take a bite out of him until there was nothing left of him. 

James Potter was a lot of things- arrogant, narcissistic, a show-boat, too clever for his own good- but Lily had to admit, he was a really good friend. Before she and Remus became closer, she never thought about him like that. She supposed she always saw the four of them together and assumed James sort of just lead them around and caused them trouble. And then Remus would mention something in a story- about James spending Wednesday nights learning healing spells from Madame Pomfrey so he could help Remus if he needed it, or missing Quidditch practice so he could coach Peter before a transfiguration exam, or how he was the one who snapped Sirius out of the blood-purity propaganda his family had fed him growing up. 

Perhaps there was more to him than she initially thought. Besides, since he stopped his obnoxious joke of asking her out all the time, they could actually get along and have a decent conversation these days. She folded up the note and slipped it in an envelope that came with a stationary set some relative had bought her years ago and handed it off to her little spotted owl (who’s name was Dave), who flew out the window and disappeared. 

A few days later, Lily received a response from James’ barn owl. 

“Lily, 

Sorry this took a few days, I genuinely thought Peter or Sirius sent me a letter using your name as a weird joke. Anyways, hello! 

First of all, how is Remus doing? I’ve been really worried about him, but i’m glad he at least has you to talk to while he’s there. It makes me feel a little better about it. The situation is really messed up. I’ve been wracking my brain trying to think of something that would fix it, but I don’t know if theres a way to do that. Sirius has also kind of gone MIA, but that’s typical for him over the summer. His family doesn’t usually let him write much. 

Remus is stubborn, and if he has the chance to ignore confrontation, he’s going to. I don’t think sending any letters is going to help at all. You kind of have to corner him to get him to talk about something that’s bothering him. I’m going to keep trying to come up with something to do. Thank you for letting me know where he is, at least. It helps.

Besides galavanting around with Remus, how has your holiday been? I hope it’s more exciting than mine. I’ve been so bored that I’m now nearly done with all my school work. Except for the charms essay, which I do not understand and it’s killing me. Any advice you have would be excellent. 

All the best,

James Potter” 

“James, 

Sorry to hear that you’ve been cooped up all holiday, no Potter family holidays? I always imagined you galavanting across mountains or jet skiing over the holidays. Seems right up your alley. 

Remus is fine- at least physically. I’m a little worried about him, though. He acts all happy and carefree and as soon as he thinks you’re not looking, he goes all sad. I think he’s having a harder time of it than he tries to let on. I think you’re right about the direct confrontation, but I’m not sure i’m the one to do it. He tends to just wave me off and change the subject, honestly. How does Peter feel about the whole situation? I’m sure he must miss them, too. I am sad to hear about Sirius not being able to write, as much as I think he’s a dick, he doesn’t deserve for his family to be like that. 

My holiday has been pretty boring as well, but maybe not that boring. The Charms essay isn’t as hard as it makes itself out to be, I found that reading over the chapter on the Confundus Charm again helps break it down a little bit. Let me know if that makes sense 

I know the you-know-what is coming up again, so maybe we should plan for sometime after that? 

Best, 

Lily Evans” 

“Lily,

Well that was fast, you really are bored. No family holidays, my parents are getting older and they claim to be too tired to travel these days. Which would be fine if we didn’t live in the middle of nowhere with nobody around us. I’ve got to see if Remus’ parents will move out here next summer so I can have a little company, it seems to be working for you. 

Peter is anxious about it (he’s also anxious about most things, to be fair), but doesn’t know what to do. He’s sent a few letters to Remus but also hasn’t heard anything back. I read that article in the Daily Prophet a few weeks ago and I bet he did too, I know it’ll be bothering him. The Ministry need to get their act together, honestly. 

What are you suggesting? That I come down there and force him to listen to me? I mean, i’m not opposed, but logistically a little difficult. I’m certain your house isn’t set up to the floo network. Remus’ usually isn’t and even if it was, I don’t know if jumping out of his fireplace and confronting him will work. Not to mention, his dad might actually murder us if he knew we know. I’m not sure if you’ve met him but he can be a little intense. 

You’re an actual saint for the charms help, I’ve been stuck on it for a week and convinced myself I’m actually an idiot who has no place in wizarding society. Turns out Flitwick can’t word essay questions. 

-James” 

“James,

‘Logistically’, you know there are little things called trains, right? That go to most places in the country? You really should try it sometimes. Perhaps Flitwick isn’t entirely at fault here. There’s a station in town, if you can manage to find one near (what I imagine) is your large country estate, you could just get on the train and I’ll meet you there. 

Lyall is so intense, I don’t think he blinks. Mum and I ran into him at the market once and he looked like he wanted to sprint out of there. I think if he could keep Remus in a tower like Rapunzel, he absolutely would. 

Anyway, if you think it’s a good plan, let me know when you think we should do it and I can buy you a ticket. And give you step by step directions on how to board the train so you don’t get sent to Austria by mistake. I’m sorry to hear about your lack of travel destinations, maybe once you leave school you’ll be able to go out and see a bit of the world beyond your mansion. 

-Lily.”

“TRAINS. I forgot about trains. No, you’re right, I’m actually an idiot. The truth finally comes out. I asked my mum and she said there is a train station nearby, and that she’ll have our legion of servants carry me there at a moment’s notice. I kid. You know I don’t actually live in a mansion right? We’re not that rich. Or maybe we are, I actually have no idea. My parents like to keep it modest. 

I’m not sure what a Rapunzel is but Mr. Lupin would absolutely keep him locked away if he could. In any case, if we go while he’s at work, it should be fine. Are you sure you want to do this? I don’t want Remus getting angry at you as well. 

If you are sure, I think two days after the moon should do it.

-James”

“Here are the tickets. See you soon. -L”

————————

Rain slightly flooded the road from Lily’s house to the train station, but she put on her yellow wellies and huddled under her umbrella the entire way there. Nerves began to creep in as the stood on the platform, waiting for the train to arrive. She didn’t know how Remus was going to react to their plan, really. Lily really hoped he would be happy to see James and actually listen to him, but she didn’t know for sure. 

A loud horn filled the air and Lily looked down the track and saw the train approaching the station just on time. It was the middle of a weekday, so only one or two people stepped off before James appeared, a backpack slung over his shoulder and wearing a black rain slicker. He looked around the platform and raised a hand to greet her, jogging over. 

“Nice to finally see you, co-conspirator.” He said with a grin. He gave a twirl “As you can see, I successfully made it here without getting horribly lost in the alps.”

“I’m glad my directions helped.” She said. The rain was coming down harder and Lily lifted up the umbrella for James to step under. 

“Er- would you like me to hold it for you?” James said, Lily realizing he was crouching at an uncomfortable level to reach under it. She let him take it and he held it over their heads.

“Right then.” Lily said “Er- Remus’ house is this way.” 

“Lead on, Evans.” He said. The silence was a little awkward while they made their way out of the station. Lily realized they really hadn’t spent a lot of time actually alone. They were partners on a few projects and spent enough time together, but there were usually other people around.

“So… How are your parents doing?” Lily asked, trying to think of something to say. 

“They’re good.” James said “Well, dad keeps getting weird coughing fits for some reason.”

“I didn’t realize they were older.” Lily said “I guess I haven’t seen much of them.”

“Yeah they waited to have kids for a really long time.” James explained “They wanted to live their lives first- which they did. And I came along rather unexpectedly but they decided ‘what the hell, we’ve done everything else’ and kept me around. Sort of wish they had more kids, though.” 

“If you knew my sister, you would be grateful.” Lily said 

“Well that’s fair.” James said. They continued on and Lily noticed half of his head was getting soaked as he held the umbrella over her, but he didn’t complain “Your town is adorable.” 

“It’s just a suburb, not much to look at, really.”

“No, really, I think it’s great.” He said “I love how muggles just have little play areas for kids outside, that’s fantastic.” 

“You mean a playground?” Lily said, pointing to the empty one as they passed by 

“Yeah, that’s excellent.” said James “We live so out of the way that there were never any kids around to play with when I was little.”

“That’s kind of sad.” she said. 

He shrugged “Nah, it’s not too bad. I had mum and dad, and we’d go visit friends and stuff a lot. But, if I had a playground, that would have been perfect.” 

Lily shook her head as they made their way to the gravel road towards Remus’ house. The rain seemed to be dying down a little bit, and James took down the umbrella as they walked along. 

“Can I ask you something?” Lily asked

“Go for it.” said James, taking off his glasses and rubbing them against his t-shirt 

“How did you find out about Remus?”

James paused and thought for a moment “Well,” he began, putting his hands in his pockets “We got through first year, and obviously I realized there was something up with him, but I still believed him about his mum being sick. And It seems obvious now when you look at everything laid out in front of you, but we were eleven, and even in our world you don’t just automatically assume someone’s a werewolf because they act a little funny and have some scars.”

He gestured a lot when he talked, Lily noticed. He would periodically put them back in his pockets but take them out to make a point. 

“Anyway, it got to second year, and we all spend so much time together that things kind of contradicted themselves, you know? And Remus is so cagey about everything and it felt like he was about to explode keeping himself in check. He just wasn’t happy and I couldn’t figure out why. And then he had a bad full moon. Like really, really bad. They almost had to go to St. Mungo’s for it before Madame Pomfrey got it under control. This was like, right before the holidays. And something just didn’t really feel right. McGonagall told us that he had to go home early because of a family emergency but I dunno, something in the way she said it confirmed to me that there was something else going on. So I snuck out that night and sort of just… Followed her. She went to the hospital wing and I saw her talking with Madame Pomfrey before they went in, and there was Remus. He was asleep but he looked awful, like half-dead, entire torso bandaged up, his face was just bruised like he’d been in a cage match.”

Lily winced “That sounds horrible.”

James shuddered thinking about it “I left before I overheard anything from either of them. I didn’t… I didn’t think it would be fair to him like that. I did tell Sirius, though, and we both decided to stay at Hogwarts for the holidays and just dig around in the library and see what we could find. And eventually, I just remembered something my dad telling me about werewolves. I had read some dumb kids book and told my dad I thought they were scary. And he just sat me down and went into this long talk about how poorly werewolves were treated and how we shouldn’t be afraid of them, because they ended up hurting themselves a lot more than they did anybody else. And it just clicked, everything made sense. And then I checked out every single book on the subject that I could and read all of them so I could try and help as best I could.” 

“And what did he say? When you told him you knew?” 

“At first he was scared.” James explained “Like genuinely afraid, nearly had a breakdown before we told him that we didn't care, that we just wanted to help him. Then he had a breakdown. A good one, though. A happy one.” 

“That’s… Actually really sweet.” She said “You really… Care about him. About all of them.”

“Of course I do.” James said with a shrug “I don’t really think there’s a point to going through life not giving a shit about anybody else, don’t you?” 

“No, I agree.” she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear to try and hide her face 

“I-“ He began “Listen, I just wanted to say… I am really sorry for everything that happened before. I know I acting like a dick around you.” 

“It’s-“ she looked at him “I appreciate your apology. And I’ll forgive you on a probationary basis.” 

James smiled at her “I’ll accept that.” 

They finally reached the stone house and James took a breath

“Do you know what you’re going to say to him?”

“Er-“ He said “Kinda. I have a vague outline.”

“Good to know there’s a plan.” Lily said 

“Hey, It’s how I roll.” He shrugged. 

Lily stepped up and knocked on the door before stepping back and waiting. A long moment later they heard a shuffling and the door opened to Remus in his pajamas, holding a cup of tea with a bandaged hand. He had a large purple bruise creeping up his face and blackening one of his eyes, only just starting to go slightly green around the edges. 

He noticed Lily first “Oh- Li-“ he looked behind her “James?” 

“Hey Moony.” James said, waving a little 

“W-What are you even doing hanging around together at all, let alone here?” Remus said, turning to Lily. His voice was hoarse and straining.

“I’m sorry I didn’t check with you first, but you two need to talk and you wouldn’t agree to it if I did.” Lily said, folding her arms 

“I don’t need some kind of intervention.” Remus pinched the bridge of his nose 

“Remus, please, I just want to talk to you.” James said.

Remus shut his eyes and let out a sigh “Okay. Fine, get in out of the rain.” 

He held the door open and ushered them into the living room. He stood by the door with his arms crossed and strained against a leg that was clearly bothering him 

“You should sit.” James said

“I’m fine, James.” Remus said. He didn’t sound angry, just exhausted. 

“Look, I understand why you’re distancing me and Peter in this, I get it. And I know i’m not entirely blameless in all that happened, I know I egged Sirius on about Snape more than anybody. And I knew he would escalate it…”

“James, it’s not your fault, Jesus.” he said

“I know. I know, but…” James sighed “I know you’re trying to save me from having to choose between you and Sirius, but I don’t need you to spare me pain by taking it on yourself. Sirius is like a brother to me, but I love you too, mate. All you’re doing is isolating yourself. Just please don’t shut me out, I couldn’t really imagine life without any of you.”

Remus opened his mouth and then shut it again “I- I’m sorry, James. I know this isn’t fair to you, and it isn’t fair to Peter… I really want to forgive him, James, but I just cant right now.” 

“I know that. I’m not asking you to forgive him, Remus. I know what he did was horrible and you don’t owe him anything.” James insisted. He noticed Remus grip onto the side of the door jam. “Remus will you please sit down so you don’t faint?” he said. 

Remus frowned and slunk into the nearest arm chair. James sat facing him 

“I fractured something.” he explained. 

“You fractured your leg and you were trying to stand and talk?” James said, cocking his eyebrow

“I mean it’s not fully broken, and it’s mostly healed.” 

“Merlin I forgot how thick you can be sometimes.” he shook his head “It’s like that time you came to class for an exam because you were only “partially concussed”. 

“You’re one to talk, you once played a Quidditch match with the flu. And subsequently gave the entire Gryffindor and Hufflepuff teams the flu.” Remus said, crossing his arms 

“I did do that, yeah.” James laughed “Madame Pomfrey nearly sent me a howler.” 

They laughed for a moment and Remus ran a hand through his hair “I-I’m sorry I’ve been pushing you away.”

“I get it.” James said “And look, I know that there will be things that me and the others will never understand. I’m never going to really know what this is like for you. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to try, yeah? And for what it’s worth, I know Sirius feels horrible for what he did.”

“What the hell is he talking about, Remus?” The three of them whipped their heads around to see Lyall standing in the hallway, cloak still on his shoulders and eyes fixated on Remus.

“Dad! What are you doing home?” Remus asked

“I got off early to come- That doesn’t matter.” Lyall shook it off and looked from Remus back to James and Lily, who seemed to be trying to come up with a good reason for why they were there.

“They were just-“ 

“We heard Remus was sick, you see, and-“ James began

“Do they know?” Lyall cut them both off

“Dad-“

“Do. They. Know?” he repeated 

“No, they were just-“ Remus stammered

“Why are you lying to me, I just heard you talking about it!” Lyall said 

Remus gaped at him and Lily stood “Mr. Lupin, this is my fault, I-“

“James, Lily, I appreciate you coming to see Remus, but I think it’s time you went home.” Lyall said “We need to have a conversation.” 

“Sir, Remus didn’t do any-“

“James, go.” Remus said, looking at him and trying to communicate what he meant with just his face, like they did when they were caught in a corner by a teacher “It’s, I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

Lily and James glanced at each-other and for a moment everyone stood in a heavy silence before Lily grabbed James’ jacket sleeve and led him towards the door 

“I’ll call later, okay?” she said. Remus gave her a nod and they left the house, shutting the heavy door behind them.

James ran a hand through his hair “That’s not good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief Lily and James interlude because it's Halloween and we're all sad. 
> 
> Thank you all for your lovely comments and kudos, they all mean a lot! More coming soon.


	8. Chapter 8

The door shut behind them and the house was eerily quiet. Remus watched with anxious anticipation as his father paced around the living room. Not since he was a child had Remus seen Lyall look this angry. Once, not long after he recovered from the attack, Remus snuck out of their new house and went to a playground nearby without telling them. He got lost on the way and couldn't find his way back, and when his dad finally found him he was furious, thinking Remus had been taken or attacked again or worse. 

“How long?” Lyall finally said, his voice bone-chillingly calm 

Remus clenched his jaw, making the decision to double-down “he doesn’t know.” 

“Do you think I’m stupid? Honestly, do you?” Lyall snapped “Because what else could he have been talking about? And why else would he have come to the house now?” 

“I-“ Remus searched his brain. Lying usually came so easily to him, most of his life was built around them at this point. Now they had abandoned him and he had no choice. “Since second year.” he admitted

“Since-“ Lyall was floored and gaped at him in disbelief “What-How- How could you be so stupid? You knew our agreement!”

“I didn’t tell them, dad, they figured it out.” 

“You’re reckless!” Lyall said “If you just kept your head down and minded your own business, these things wouldn’t happen to you.”

“I wasn’t reckless, I-I” he stammered, lost 

“You know how dangerous this is! Do you understand how powerful the Black family is?” Lyall demanded “Do you understand what they think of people like you? People like us?”

“Sirius isn’t like them.” Remus insisted. He didn’t know why he felt the compulsion to defend Sirius so strongly. 

“Oh? Then what did he do?” Lyall asked “What did he do to you that he feels so awful about? Because you’ve been moping around since you got back, and apparently aren’t speaking to him anymore, so what did he do?”

Remus crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, keeping his mouth shut.

A vein bulged in Lyall’s throat at that “I’ll write to Professor McGonagall if I have to. Don’t think I wont. Hell, I’ll write to Dumbledore if I bloody have to-“

A creak from the door interrupted his tirade and Hope walked through the door, letting her hair down “Oh, hey, I didn’t think you’d be home…” She took in the scene of Lyall standing over Remus “What’s going on?”

“Do you want to tell her, Remus?” Lyall said. He shook his head “His friends know. His friends have known since second year.” 

Hope gaped at him and looked back at Remus “Is this true?”

Remus nodded and avoided eye-contact from both of them

“Jesus Christ, Remus.” Hope said, rubbing her temple “What were you thinking?” 

“Well clearly he wasn’t thinking! You just think you can run around like every other teenager, not a care in the world, don’t you?” Lyall demanded

“Mum, really?” Remus said, hoping she’d be on his side

“Remus, I’m sorry, but this is serious. We’re just worried about you.”

“Oh that’s bullshit.” Remus muttered

“I’m sorry?” Lyall demanded 

“I said that’s bullshit!” He finally snapped “This isn’t about me, this is about you! You just care about your own fucking reputation. You just don’t want people to know that you’ve got a werewolf for a son.” 

“Hey, kid, that’s not fair.” Hope said 

“Isn’t it?” He said “You both go around acting like you’re the ones suffering, like you’re the ones who have to go through this every fucking month and go around with the evidence all over your face every. Single. Day. But you’re not, you have no idea what this feels like.”

“No. No I don’t have any idea what it feels like, but that doesn’t give you any excuse to gamble away everything like you are now. Do you understand how much people have put on the line for you? Forget about what me and your mother have done for you, do you know how much trouble Dumbledore would be in if the ministry found out?” 

Remus turned away “Don’t you think I know that?” He said “I’m so sick of feeling like I have to be grateful to everyone who doesn’t spit at me when I walk by. Why am I the only one who has to grovel at everyone’s feet because they let me go to school?”

“So what?” Lyall said “You’re pissed at the world so you’re going to sacrifice all of it? Give up your future on what? A few school friends?” 

“They don’t-“ Remus felt white hot rage bubble under the surface “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Well that’s too fucking bad.” Hope said. She sat in the chair James had left beside him “Listen, I respect your right to be a pissed off teenager and slam doors and yell at us about whatever else, up until you start putting yourself in danger.”

Remus stood, ignoring the pain in his leg and moved to walk away. Lyall stood in the door frame, blocking his way 

“Sit down, we’re not done.” Lyall warned “I haven’t even gotten into what Sirius apparently did.”

Hope furrowed her brow “What did Sirius do?” she asked 

Remus paced to the other side of the sitting room so he had distance from them “I don’t understand why I’m being interrogated here. I didn’t do anything wrong.” He ranted “they found out on their own because I gored myself half to death. You really want something to be pissed off about, I told Lily! She knows too, why don’t we just get all of my fuck ups out of the way.” 

Lyall hit his hands against the door frame “What the fuck is wrong with you?” 

“Oh I’m sure you can figure out a few things and take your pick.” Remus said

“Don’t try and be bloody clever with me. “ Lyall said “What did Sirius do? I’m not asking again.”

Remus’ rage finally bubbled over and he yelled “He told someone, okay?” Angry tears followed and he rubbed his arm over his face “He told someone where to find me, and he followed me. And I almost killed him- I would have killed him if James hadn’t dragged him out at the last second.” 

Lyall’s face blanched and they both stared at him in shocked silence 

“So go ahead, say whatever it is you want, tell me how I’m reckless and i’m ungrateful, but there’s absolutely nothing you can tell me that will make me hate myself more than I already fucking do.” he said “I can’t even stand to look at myself in the mirror. I never- I never thought he could do this.”

Lyall looked like he might faint and he resumed his pacing “I’m pulling you out of school.” he said

“What?” Remus said 

Hope put a hand on her husband’s arm “Lyall, let’s not be drastic here.”

“No, it’s too dangerous!” He snapped, pulling his arm away “Who did he tell?” 

“This-“ Remus rubbed a palm over his face “A kid in Slytherin.”

“That Severus boy?” Hope asked. Remus nodded and Lyall ran a hand through his hair “Fuck, Remus, why didn’t you tell us this?”

“Oh! Lovely, the boy who’s running around with the blood purists, knowing everything about you. Just the absolute best-case scenario here.” he said, turning away from Remus 

“He- If he tells anybody he’ll be expelled, he’s not going to tell anybody.” Remus insisted “You can’t do this”

“Oh can’t I?” He whipped back around “Can’t I? We had a deal. We had a deal when you started school, that this remains between you and your teachers. We trusted you, I trusted you.” 

“Why do you get to decide who I tell and when?” Remus demanded “It’s my fucking life, not yours. It isn’t up to you.” 

“You are a child, Remus.” Lyall said “You may think you’re an adult, but you’re a child, and while I’m responsible for your safety, it is my decision. How bloody naive are you that you think this boy isn’t going to tell anybody simply because he’ll be expelled? What does school matter to these people? You have no idea- no idea what they’re capable of.” 

“I’m not stupid, okay? Do you think I don’t think about it every fucking day of my life? It’s all I think about every minute of every day.” Remus said “I am just so exhausted. I’m tired of this, I’m tired of being like this and I’m tired of everyone telling me what I should be and how I need to act.”

“I’m very sorry for that, Remus, but that’s the way this works. The world isn’t fair to people like you, and that’s just the way things are. You want to be a revolutionary when you’re 17 and put a target on your back, that’ll be up to you, but right now, you follow my rules.”

Most people who encountered Remus knew he was quiet, polite. They would get the impression that he was shy, perhaps. But Remus was the type of quiet person who noticed things, and who remembered things. Normally, he would never say the silver bullet he knew about an individual that he knew would hurt them the most. But suddenly he found himself unable to bite his tongue.

“Just because it’s your fault I was attacked does not mean you get to spend my entire life trying to use me to make up for your own failure as a father.” his words were like venom, and he knew they hit exactly where he wanted them to. 

The anger that was in Lyall’s eyes was replaced with hurt and he looked at him in stunned silence.

“Remus.” Hope spoke up “Go to your room, now.” 

“I-“ Remus began

“Go!” She yelled

He didn’t push it further, just shoved past both of them and slammed his door behind him, sending shudders though the house. 

—————————

The ceasefire had made the house eerily quiet. Hope pulled a bottle of gin she stashed in the cupboard and poured a little into two glasses and set one in front of Lyall, who was sitting at his spot at the table. He hadn’t moved in quite some time, just staring absently at the wall. She kissed the top of his greying hair softly. 

“He didn’t mean it.” She said, sitting next to him and putting a hand on his

“Yes. Yes, he did.” Lyall said “You know our son, he doesn’t mince words.” 

Hope shook her head “You’ll both cool down and apologize.” She said, sitting back and lighting a cigarette, holding it in the same hand as her glass. “I don’t, however, think we should take him out of school.”

Lyall sighed “I don’t want to, Hope. But what choice do we have?” he asked 

“I know it’s bad.” She said “That boy knowing is… Possibly the worst case scenario.” 

“What else do you suggest we do?” He said, taking a sip of his drink and rubbing his temple “I just- I don’t know how to keep him safe.”

“Maybe…” She sighed. She handed him her cigarette, knowing he only smoked when he was upset “Maybe it’s time we start worrying more about making him happy more than keeping him safe.” 

“What do you mean?” He took a drag and handed it back

“I mean-“ She said “Things are going to get worse no matter what. There’s nothing we can do to keep the world from changing the way it is.” 

“No.” He said “I suppose not.”

“So we could either keep him locked away until he comes of age, ensuring he’s miserable the entire time, or we could just… Let him be a teenager. And hope that we’ve endowed him with enough knowledge that he stays as safe as he can while trying to live his life.” 

“When did these become our options?” He said 

“Somewhere in the ICU.” She shrugged “I know it’s not perfect, but… God, Lyall, do you remember how lonely he was before he met those boys? How sad?” 

“I know.” Lyall said. He glanced at a picture of the two of them from when Remus was 8, Remus on his birthday, as stoic as if he was at a funeral “I remember when he came home from 1st year… It was the first time I heard him laugh in… Years.” 

“Yeah.” Hope agreed “I don’t want it to be like that again.” 

“I don’t either, but… I don’t know how to ease up on him. I don’t know how to let go of all this fear.” Lyall said “He just doesn’t understand.”

“I think he understands more than you give him credit for.” Hope said “Look, he’s a little more reckless than we’d like him to be. But he’s 16. He may have more to deal with than a lot of his friends, but he’s still 16. And I think we forget that sometimes. We either see him as that wounded little boy in a hospital bed, or an adult who can take care of himself. And I don’t think that’s fair to him.” 

“Why can’t I do this, Hope?” He asked, frustrated “I just- I look at him and I think ‘wow, who is lucky enough to get a kid like this?’ and I see his potential and what he can do. But then I stop, and I wonder: What if I ruined it? And what if the world takes all of that potential and all of that kindness and everything else that makes him special and beats it out of him until there’s nothing left? And it’ll be my fault. It is my fault.” 

Hope put her hand on his hand and rubbed his thumb with hers “I think you need to tell him some of these things.” 

“I-I just can’t. I can’t find the words. Or I try and it just comes out wrong.” he sighed “I feel like I’m becoming my father.”

“You’re nothing like him.” Hope assured him 

“I’m not so sure.” Lyall said, thinking about the look on Remus’ face while they were fighting, and imagined what he must have looked like yelling at him. 

“Look, whatever you say doesn’t have to be perfect. But I think he thinks you’re ashamed of him, and I know that’s not how you feel.” Lyall shook his head “But me telling him for you isn’t going to do anything. I can’t act like a spy funneling information from one of you to the other, it isn’t going to work like that. You have to stop being so bloody English and speak to one another.” 

“No, you’re right.” He said “You’re right.”

“Yes, I am.” she said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saturday night's alright for fighting ~


	9. Chapter 9

The rain picked up again, drenching Lily and James as they ran back to her house. Lily unlocked the door and they stood in the entryway for a moment, panting and catching their breath. 

“Well I think that went extremely well, don’t you?” James said, taking off his glasses and trying to shake the water from them with little success.

“Exactly according to plan, actually.” she groaned “Poor Remus.”

“Lily, who is that?” Jane asked, coming out of the living room “Oh goodness look at the state of you! Where is your umbrella?” 

“I, Er- we left Remus’ in a bit of a hurry, must have left it at his.” Lily asked “Mum, this is James.”

“Ah! Nice to meet you, young man.” She said, giving Lily a cheeky grin “You two stay here, I’ll get you some towels.”

She came back and handed them both faded beach towels. James’ attempt to dry off his hair made it stick up in every direction, even more so than it usually did, and Lily tried to muffle a laugh as he tried to smooth it out again. Jane came back a moment later and handed James a pair of sweats.

“They belong to Lily’s father so they might be a little big on you, James- but let me dry those clothes for you.” She said

“Oh!” James said “Er, you don’t have to do that, I can just go wait for the train-“

“Nonsense, you’ll catch your death out there.” She pressed the clothes into his hands and pointed him to a bathroom for him to change.

Lily sprinted up to her room and changed her clothes while furiously tidying the mess she had left behind. She just managed to shove her clothes into her closet just before James came up. He had to roll the sleeves of his sweatshirt up four times for them to reach his wrists. She always forgot how skinny he really was.

“Your mum showed me the dryer. The things muggles come up with is fascinating.”

He stood awkwardly in the threshold, bouncing on his heels, his hands shoved in his pockets.

“Are you gonna come in or what?” Lily asked 

“I was just waiting, I didn’t want to assume you want me looking around your room.”

“Come on.” James walked around, examining her walls with a puzzled look

“They haven’t taught us any of these bands in muggle studies.” He said

Lily let out a laugh “I wouldn’t think they would.” 

James lowered himself to the floor and crossed his legs with a sigh “I shouldn’t have gone over there.”

“I know.” Lily said “It was my fault, I came up with the dumb plan.”

“To be fair, this was a surprise to everyone.” James said “We couldn’t have known he’d come home from work.” 

“What is his deal, anyway? Lyall, I mean.”

“I hate to say it, but it’s kind of understandable. I would be terrified too, if it were my kid.” 

“This may be a stupid question, but I really don’t know: How bad would it really be if people found out?” Lily asked “Like I know there are some backwards views, but this seems excessive.” 

James mulled it over “I mean, it would be bad. They’d definitely call for Dumbledore’s resignation, especially if he refused to expel Remus. Which he would. They’d possibly even threaten to come after the teachers who knew… You have to understand, a lot of pureblood wizards don’t even consider Remus human.”

“That’s just so bizarre to me.” Lily said “It makes no sense.” 

“Not really, no.” James said “We’ve treated them horribly over the years, there’s packs of them who’ve just decided that they’re sick of being mistreated and go off to live on their own, off the grid.” 

“Okay so I guess it’s not as irrational of a reaction as I thought.” She said 

“I dunno. I don’t think he gets how much Remus overthinks everything he does. There’s nobody I know who understands the ramifications of his actions more than Remus does.” James said “I mean, it makes him great at making up plans because he’s thought of every outcome, but it can’t be good for him. He probably hasn’t stopped obsessing about Severus since it happened.” 

Lily hugged her knees to her chest “I guess I haven’t thanked you, really. For saving him. I mean, he’s a dick, don’t get me wrong- but he doesn’t deserve that.”

James frowned and bit his lip, thinking carefully.

“What’s that look for?” 

“Listen, I really like this friendship thing we have going on. And you have no idea how much I want to keep it going.” James said “So I’m saying this at the risk of you never wanting to speak to me again. I just think it’s really important.” 

Lily furrowed her brow “Okay? What is it?”

He took a breath “I didn’t do it for him. At all. I did it for Remus, and I did it for Sirius. Neither one of them would have survived the consequences of it, and I didn’t want them to be labeled as killers. And I know that makes me sound like an awful person, and it’s not because of some stupid school rivalry, or because he’s a Slytherin, or because he was friends with you. It’s because I genuinely think the world would be a better place if every Death Eater, and every person who thinks like them was dead. I’m not condoning what Sirius did, but… Snape is not a good person.”

“Wow, that’s… Intense. I know he’s not a good person, but… Why are you telling me this?” She said

“I don’t know. I’ve just… I’ve been thinking a lot about everything that’s happening, and everything I’ve heard from my parents… Things are changing. Fast. And I don’t really know what the future looks like right now. But I know they’re not going away, and as long as they’re out there, I’m not going to stand for it, you know?”

She mulled this over “I get it. You want the people in your life to know where you’re headed.”

“Does it make you hate me?”

“Honestly, Potter, it might make me like you more?” 

Jane gave a little knock on the side of the door “James, dear, are you staying for dinner?” she asked

“Oh, er-“ He looked to Lily 

“He’ll stay.” She decided for him 

“I guess I’m staying.” He said 

———————————

The morning light was breaking through Remus’ window. His eyes were still red and puffy from the fight last night and he somehow felt more tired than when he had fallen asleep. As hungry as he was, he wasn’t going to go downstairs. His father had the day off, and Remus knew he’d be in the kitchen, where he would be faced with either silence or round two of the row. He wasn’t quite sure which was worse. 

He was surprised, instead, to hear a knock on his door. Puzzled, Remus called out “Come in?” 

Lyall opened the door and raised a cup “I- er- made you some tea. Thought you might like some.”

“Oh.” Remus blinked. This was new. Typically, his and Lyall’s blowout fights lead to complete silence for about three days before one of them just started acting like nothing had ever happened. They didn’t sit and debrief things, and they didn’t bring each other tea in the meantime “Er- thanks.” 

His father was still lingering in the doorway, clearly uncomfortable. “Listen, I- I thought you might like to take a drive. With me. Today.” he muttered “It’s a nice day, and… I don’t know. You don’t have to.” 

“Er-“ he stammered “Sure. Right, yes. That sounds nice.” 

“Right.” Lyall nodded “I’ll let you get dressed then.” 

Fifteen minutes later, Remus was no less confused as they sat in the car, heading out of the village and to the winding roads through the country. This was strange. If he didn’t know any better, Remus was sure he was taking him out to the middle of nowhere to murder him. Lyall's hands braced the steering wheel and staring straight ahead as if he were taking a test. He hadn’t said a word since they got in the car, so Remus stayed quiet too. He kept glancing over at his father, who seemed to be mulling something over, his lips occasionally twitching. Once or twice he opened his mouth to start talking but closed it again. 

“My-“ He began after a while, and stopped again. Remus looked over at him and Lyall clutched the steering wheel hard “My father taught me to drive, did I ever tell you that?"

Remus shook his head. Lyall didn’t speak much about his family at all, Remus really only knew the most basic information about them. 

“He always thought- Well, he had a lot of ideas about how men were supposed to act. He thought they should have practical skills, even if they were wizards.” Lyall said, gesturing at the window “I hated it. He would get so angry, he’d smack me upside the head anytime I made a mistake... Which only made me more nervous, naturally, so I’d mess up again, and… You get the idea. He wasn’t a kind man. It’s why you never met him.” 

Remus nodded and watched him intently, trying to think about where he was going with this. It was clearly difficult for him to speak like this. 

“He never did tolerate much. He barely tolerated me, to be honest. He hated it when I would cry, or laugh. He liked a quiet house, and he’d get it however he needed to. I never fought him. The funny thing is, I think he would have respected me more if I fought him. He was always disappointed that I was more interested in school than I was Quidditch. He- well- he didn't really put a lot of stock in the value of education.” Lyall furrowed his brow as he looked out the window, shaking his head 

“What- er- what did your mum think?” 

“Well, she was dead by then. She got sick when I was at school. I don’t know if things would have been different if she were alive, if I had stuck around. I left as soon as I could, really.” 

“I didn’t know that.” Remus said "Any of it."

“No, I didn’t want to… I felt it was better to just leave him be and get on with my life. He didn't have much interest in being a father, and I didn't have much interest in watching him slowly drink himself to death. I just tried not to think about it. I never fought with him. I never got my last word in and yelled at him for treating me or my mum the way he did, or threw a punch back at him. I never did it to anybody, either. It drove your mother crazy when I first met her. You know her, she’s always ready to throw a punch or fight you over the tiniest thing. Pretty soon after we started dating she set me down and told me “Listen, you’re sweet but if you don’t start fighting with me, I’m going to leave.” he chuckled.

Remus smiled “Yeah, that’s mum.

He exhaled again “I tell you this because I swore to myself- I promised that things would be different when I had kids. I swore they could come to me with anything, and they would always feel loved.” 

“I do.” he said quietly “I really do.

Lyall gave a sad smile “I appreciate it, but I haven’t been holding up my part of the bargain. God, when the doctor handed you to me for the first time, I was just in shock. Actual shock. I very nearly dropped you. It just hit me like a wave that I had never loved anything the way I loved you. Before then, I didn’t know you could feel love like that. And you’ve scared the shit out of me ever since.” 

“You don’t have to be afraid for me.”

“No, I don’t. I’m not just talking about your condition. Even as a child you were just so different. In the good way, not the bad. You were clever, and kind, and brave, and a beacon for trouble. And you would just smile all day, at everyone. And watch what they did- notice things. Even after the bite. Seeing you in the hospital that day… It was the worst thing I have ever experienced. I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. They were so certain you wouldn’t make it, kept telling me and your mother about how few children survive a bite like that. But I knew you were different, you were special. And you woke up. And I could feel myself change.” Lyall still had his eyes glued to the windshield, but his eyes looked far away 

“I’ve never… I’ve never been a brave man. I mean, there is a reason I was not sorted into Gryffindor like you were. I just… Let my fear overpower everything else. Everything I wanted for you, and what I thought was best for you, just went out of the window. I thought… I thought if I could keep you protected, that would be enough. But you deserve to be happy. More than anybody else, after all that's happened, you deserve to be happy. And I’m sorry for not realizing that.”

Remus swallowed hard. Lyall had never spoken to him like this before “I-I’m sorry for what I said to you.”

“You don’t need to apologize. I… I deserved it.”

“No. No, you didn’t. I- I’ve never blamed you, I hope you know that. It’s not your fault. I just… I knew it would hurt you. It was an awful thing to say.”

“It’s okay.” Lyall said “I know I wasn’t exactly being reasonable last night.” 

“I should have told you. About everything. I just-“ Remus closed his eyes, trying to force himself to speak “I was so lonely. And afraid. I thought that anybody who ever found out wouldn’t stay around or care about me, so I tried to stay away from everyone. But my friends… They liked me, they cared about me enough to want to know what was going on. And I knew it was safer to keep them apart but they knew something was holding me back, was stopping me from being really there. And when they found out, they didn’t leave- they just loved me. And I just… I never thought I would be that lucky.” 

Lyall glanced at him through the side of his eye and let out a sad sigh “I should never have expected you to… To hold back like that. You deserve to be able to show up exactly as you are, and I can’t hold you back from that.” 

“That doesn’t mean… It doesn't mean I’m just going to run around and tell everyone, Dad.” Remus said “I know it’s important. Especially now.”

Lyall nodded, still gripping the steering wheel tightly as they wound around the country roads. “I trust you. I want you to live the life that you want to live. I just want you to be happy.”

Remus looked at his hands “I just want to be the son you can be proud of.” he said quietly

He smiled a little bit and turned to him “Remus, I’ve never cared about having a Quidditch star, or needed you to be the best in your year. All… All you ever had to do was come home at the end of the day. There has never been a day since you were born that I wasn’t proud of you.” 

They sat with this for a moment, both feeling incredibly awkward but glad for the change of pace 

“So, about school-?” Remus asked carefully

Lyall sighed “I’m not pulling you out. Your mother was right, it was an overreaction.” he said “However, I am… Concerned. About Sirius, and about this other boy.” 

Remus paused “I know what his family is like. And I know what he did was awful. I don’t forgive him for it, but… He’s not like them, Dad. He just… Made a really stupid choice.” 

“I’ll say that’s an understatement.” Lyall said “And this other boy?”

He thought for a moment, unsure on how to characterize Severus “I think he’s more afraid of having to leave school than anything else. I know his family isn’t the best.” 

“Which pureblood family is he apart of?” 

“He’s not.” Remus said “He’s a halfblood, too, I think his dad is a muggle.” 

“You’re kidding me.” Lyall said, furrowing his brow. Remus shook his head “And yet he’s running around with the Malfoys and the Blacks? Somehow it worries me more.”

“It’s not great.” he said “I don’t understand it, to be honest.”

“People will go to great lengths to belong.” Lyall said “Sometimes they’ll make their beds with the devil and hope that’ll keep them safe, hope they choose somebody else to hurt.” 

Lyall turned off down another winding path and they watched the scenery for a while. Finally, Remus spoke “I feel horrible about what happened with him. Everyone keeps saying it’s not my fault, and I know it’s not, I just… He’s not a good person, and I know that. But the thought that I could do this to another person scares me more than anything else. I don’t know how to live with it.” 

“I know it must be difficult to hold, but…” He thought for a moment “We can only ever do the best we can with what we have, yes?” 

“I guess.”

“You’ve been dealt a shit hand with this one. But you’re doing your best. Torturing yourself with ‘what if’ scenarios isn’t doing anybody any good. Is it going to happen again?”

“No.” Remus said definitively 

“Then, there you go.” Lyall said “That’s all you can do, is learn from it.” 

“Thanks, Dad.” 

“Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's that? Men dealing with their intergenerational trauma in order to work through their issues to have a healthy and loving relationship with their sons?? We love to see it.


	10. Chapter 10

A man in a business suit on his way to his car gave Remus a sideways glance as he walked by the next morning. The bruise taking up a large portion of his face had dwindled a little bit, but he still looked like he had come off worst in a fight. He stepped up to the Evans’ house and gently knocked on the door. 

A moment later, the door opened and Petunia answered. She turned up her nose at him and made a disgusted noise “Good lord, what happened to your face?” 

“Morning, Petunia.” Remus said “Is Lily there?” 

“She’s still asleep.” Petunia said “What, did you get hit by a bus or something?” 

“Just a bit of a fall.” he said 

“Remus!” He heard Lily from the top of the stairs. Petunia rolled her eyes as Lily raced down the stairs and hugged him “Fuck, Remus, I am so sorry.” 

“Lily Margaret Evans, watch your mouth!” Jane said, arms folded 

“Sorry!” Lily groaned “Won’t happen again.”

“It better not.” Jane tutted. She frowned at Remus “Remus, dear, what did you do to yourself?” 

“Oh, it’s not a big deal, Mrs. Evans.” Remus assured her 

“It certainly doesn’t look like no big deal, have you put something on it?” She stood on her toes and took Remus by the chin

“Yeah, I did.” He said “It looks worse than it is.”

“How did you get it?”

“I fell down the stairs.” Remus lied “I’m a terrible klutz.” 

“Mum, he’s alright, leave him be.” Lily said 

She tutted but let him go “I don’t want you two sitting around all day again, Lily. It’ll be good for you to get some air.”

“Fine, we’ll go take a walk, yeah?” she said 

“Thanks Mrs. Evans.” Remus said as Lily pulled him back out the front door 

Lily put her hands on Remus’ arms “Jesus, Remus, I’m so sorry, I never should have meddled, I feel like such an idiot.”

“Lily! It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not, I really fucked things up with your dad.”

“You didn’t, actually.” Remus said “I mean, yeah, we had a massive fight and he did threaten to pull me out of school-“

“What?” Lily said. She released him 

“BUT, the next day we actually talked. Like, a lot.” He said

“Wait, really?” She said. They started walking towards the empty playground “About what?”

“A lot of stuff, actually.” Remus said “He told me about his dad and.. It doesn’t matter. It was good. I was glad we kind of brought things out into the open, you know?” 

Lily released a breath “Oh thank God.” she said “I’m still so sorry, I shouldn’t have tried to force it.”

“It’s okay, Lily. Really.” He said “I’m glad I got to talk to James. I was… Being stubborn. And I know it must have been hard for you to reach out to him”

Lily blushed a little bit and didn’t say anything 

“Wait, hang on.” Remus stopped “Did something happen?”

“No!” she said “Shut up.” 

“Oh come on!” Remus insisted “You get to know literally all of my secrets. Spill it, Evans.” 

Lily took a step ahead of him and sat down on one of the swing sets “Nothing happened!” 

“Oh yeah, and I’m Professor Flitwick’s long lost nephew.” He put a hand on either of the chains 

“It didn’t, okay! We just… Hung out.” She said “We had to wait for our clothes to dry before he went home, so we just…. Talked.”

“And?” 

“And he stayed for dinner!” Lily groaned 

“You like him.” Remus said 

“I do not!” She said “He’s still arrogant. And rude.” 

“And you like him.” He grinned, sitting on the swing beside her

“You’re so annoying!” 

“The heart wants what it wants, Lily Margaret.” 

“Okay I’m going to break the statute of security and I will obliviate you.” 

“Obliviating me will do nothing to stop your feelings for James Potter.” Remus said, moving out of the way 

“Now that you’re speaking again, you better not say a word to him!” She said “I don’t like him.”

“You, my dear, are in denial.” He said, standing up on the seat of the swing 

“Excuse me, you’re one to talk.” Lily said, slapping his leg 

“Well, no.” Remus said “I suppose I don’t, but I so rarely get something to hold over someone else.” 

“Okay, fine, you can leverage your traumatic childhood to make fun of my slight crush on James Potter.”

“As is my right.”

“So what about your dad? Is he just going to chill out a little?” Lily asked

“I dunno. I think he wants to. I don’t know how good at that he’s going to be, but he says he trusts me to use my own judgement to tell people as I see fit. He looked about ready to vomit when he said that, but he means it.”

“That’s great.” Lily said “So, who all knows now?”

Remus thought “Besides my parents, there’s you, James, Peter, Sirius. Severus now, I suppose. Dumbledore, a few of the professors: McGonagall, Slughorn, Flitwick, Sprout, mostly. Madame Pomfrey, obviously, then our first and fourth year Defense Against the Dark Arts professors.” 

“Not all of them?” 

Remus shook his head “Dumbledore typically will just make a judgement on if he thinks they’re likely to cause me any problems if he tells them. The rest just think I have an unspecified medical issue. Then just a couple healers at St. Mungos, but I haven’t been back there since I was a kid so I don’t know if they would know me if they saw me.” 

“Hang on, I think I’m finally realizing why you aren’t in the Slug Club.” Lily said 

“Because it’s a pretentious, elitist, and exclusionary club?” Remus said. He jumped back down, feeling a slight twinge in his ankle and regretting it. 

“It really didn’t make sense until now.” Lily said “Oh that sucks.” 

“Slughorn’s a nice guy, I can’t really blame him.” Remus said “Besides, I have never shown that much promise in potions in any case.” 

“You’re not that bad.” Lily said 

“I almost killed James with my mid-term practical last year.” Remus said 

“He was unconscious for like ten minutes, it wasn’t that bad.” 

A few kids began to trickle into the playground, so the two of them left and began wandering around the fields on Remus’ side of the village. 

“So what do you want to do when you leave school?” Lily asked 

Remus shrugged “I haven’t thought of it much.” he said “Never saw much of a point.” 

“You must have some idea.”

“I mean, really, we don’t know what the world is going to look like in three years.” he said “Who knows, maybe i’ll be dead by then and it won’t be my problem anymore.”

Lily frowned “I really hate it when you say things like that.”

“Sorry.” Remus said “I don’t mean it, really. What I mean is that things are changing. It’s going to be hard enough for me to get any job I’d actually want as it is, and the world is going to hell so it doesn’t feel important.” 

“You’re way too young to have this much existential dread.” 

“People keep telling me things like that.” Remus frowned “What about you then, what’s your plan? After you return triumphant from New York, that is.”

“It’s going to sound silly.” She said 

“It won’t, I promise.” Remus assured her 

“I think I want to be a journalist.” She said “Maybe not for the Daily Prophet because it’s a little too in deep with the ministry, but somewhere.” 

“Look at you, Annie Nightingale.” Remus said “I can see it. You’d get to travel if you wanted to.” 

“Exactly. And I would just get to meet so many interesting people and hear their stories, you know? I feel like we get to see and know about so little of the Wizarding world, and I want to know everything.” 

Remus gave her an affectionate smile “I think you’ll be great at it.” he said 

“And even when I have kids, I can report from the home-front until they’re old enough to bring with me.” She said 

“Do you really want kids?” Remus asked, wrinkling his nose

“You don’t?” She said 

“Absolutely not.” Remus twisted his face “For one thing, we have discussed how i’m likely a homosexual. Second, babies are weird, and third, my DNA shouldn’t be spread around.”

“And why not?” 

Remus frowned at her and counted off on his fingers “Bad joints, weird nose, genetic predisposition to mental illness, and oh yeah, I’m a bloody werewolf.” 

“Can you really spread your condition like that?” She asked

“They don’t know for sure.” Remus said “But it’s highly suggested I don’t try. No thanks. I’ll just steal yours.” 

“Aww, you can be Uncle Moony!” 

“Brilliant. I can teach all your kids how to do drugs, smoke, and to not trust the government.” 

“See, every kid needs that.” She said “What about adoption?” 

“It’s just not for me, Lils.” Remus said “I’m better off alone.”

“Even without Sirius?” She said 

“Lily!” Come off it.” Remus groaned

“I’m not saying I support it, I’m just saying you clearly have it bad.” 

“I don’t have it bad.” Remus said 

“Have you thought about talking to your dad about it?” 

“God, no!” he said “I think if I shared one more secret I’ve been keeping from my dad, he might actually explode. This one has to stay out of it for a while.”

“Well then, what about your mum?” Lily said 

“Can’t I just stay single and mysterious for the rest of my life?” Remus said “Then nobody really needs to know.” 

“I mean, I’m not going to push you to do anything you don’t want to, but I think she’ll be helpful.” Lily said 

——

That evening, Hope and Remus sat in the living room, Remus on the floor with his schoolwork spread around him in a circle as he worked on a Transfiguration assignment. Hope was sitting with one leg slung over the arm of the chair, tapping her foot in the air to the Patti Smith song filling the room, a cigarette perched casually between her fingers.

Remus looked over at her and smiled a little, watching her mouth the words to herself. Steeling himself, he decided that Lily was right “Hey mum?” He asked

“Hang on, let me finish this paragraph.” She held up her hand and continued reading, eyes darting quickly across the page. She reached the end and dog eared the page and looked up “What’s up, love?” 

“Did you date anybody before dad?” He asked

“A few guys.” She said, resting her head on her hand “Only one that was anything serious.” 

“What happened with him? 

“He… Wanted different things than me” She explained “Broke up with me when it became clear I wasn’t going to budge and just become a housewife after we left school. Broke my heart at the time, but it was the best thing that could have happened. Why d’you ask?”

Remus shrug “Just curious.” He turned back to his book. Hope took another drag and looked him up and down 

“You know you can talk to me, yeah?” she said

“I know that.” Remus said

“About anything.” She insisted “We don’t even have to get into a blowout fight for us to talk.” 

Remus rolled his eyes “I know. I’m just… I will try to be better about it.”

“I’m glad” She said

“I…” He shut his book and put his elbows on his knees “Dad definitely isn’t ready for this talk. I mean, he’s trying, but I think this might… Be above his head.” 

“I won’t tell him anything until you want me to.” Hope assured him “What’s going on?”

“Mum, I kissed Sirius.” he said quickly. 

“Oh!” Hope paused for a moment, and then pulled herself into a normal sitting position “Okay. Wow. Okay. So… What does this mean? For you, I mean.” 

“I don’t…” Remus frowned “I really don’t know.”

“Okay.” She nodded her head for a moment and furrowed her brow “Alright, wow.” 

“Is that… Okay?” Remus asked 

“Is what okay?” Hope asked “That you kissed somebody, that you kissed a boy or that you kissed a boy and that boy was Sirius?” 

“Mostly the last two.” Remus said 

“Of course it’s okay you kissed a boy.” Hope said “It’s not quite what I was expecting, but of course it doesn’t matter to me at all. Your aunt was right, I suppose.”

“Wait, what?”

Hope waved him off “She asked me if you were a homosexual when we were there.”

“What? Why?” Remus asked, and then shook his head “Nevermind, I don’t even… I don’t even know if I am, okay?” 

She thought for a moment and nodded her head “I’m a little lost, but I’m with you.” 

“I just- It was one time. And we never talked about it before… So I just don’t know if I just built it up in my head and I’m not actually… I don’t know.” 

“Okay.” She said “Alright, that’s fair enough. But tell me this, have you ever felt this way about a girl?” 

Remus paused and shook his head “No. No, I guess I haven’t. So if I am… Is that okay?”

“Of course it’s okay, Christ. You’re already a wizard. And a werewolf. Really there’s very little that can surprise me when it comes to you, and this is about the first thing I feel equipped to handle as a mother.” She said “I mean, at least two of the boys I was friends with were gay, and quite possibly my friend Jean.” 

“Really?” Remus asked

“How uncool do you think I am?” She asked “I was young and bohemian once, as well.”

“I know that” he laughed

“I do, however, have some concerns.” Hope said “Namely, Sirius. Can you clear up the timeline for me?” 

“Oh, er- we kissed a few days before everything… Happened.” 

“Ah.” Hope thought for a moment “Alright, that doesn’t feel great to me.”

“Yeah, that makes two of us.” Remus groaned “I just- I want to hate him.”

“But you don’t, do you?” She asked softly 

“No.” He sighed “Does that make me look like an idiot.” 

She sighed “Forgiveness isn’t a bad thing, necessarily. However, you don’t have to forgive someone just because they say they’re sorry.”

“What would you do?” 

Hope shook her head “I can’t tell you that, love. It’s not up to me. I could lecture you from here till Tuesday and you would still need to do what you felt was best.”

“That’s not at all helpful.” Remus said

“Hey, when you stop getting into weirdly specific relationship problems, I’ll be able to offer some more substantial perspective.” 

“I just don’t know what to do. I can’t stop thinking about him and I hate it.”

“Alright, let me ask you this,” she said “If he showed up and apologized today, actually apologized, would you forgive him?” 

He made a non commital noise “I just… I don’t know why he did it. It doesn’t make sense, especially after we kissed. Which he initiated, by the way.” 

Hope mulled this over, exhaling smoke as she spoke “I think that Sirius has been very hurt by people who should have been giving him stability and love. So, being able to handle having feelings like this towards someone else would be difficult for him. And perhaps, lashing out like he did was a way for him to try and regain some control over his feelings. I think for some people, hating yourself is a lot easier than loving other people.”

“So you think he tried to hurt Severus because he hates himself?” Remus cocked an eyebrow 

“I’m saying I think he did it so he has an excuse to hate himself that isn’t directly correlated to kissing you.” She said “Because then he’d have to face what that means.” 

Remus nodded and thought for a moment

“I mean,” she continued “You said his family are old fashioned, posh types?”

“Yeah, they are.” he said “They’re about as pureblood as they come.” 

“Well the, how well do you think they’d react to what you just told me?” 

“Not well, I suppose.” Remus said. Wizarding society tended to just turn a blind eye to two witches or wizards in a relationship. They would simply refer to them as “good friends” and “roommates” rather than discuss it. The Blacks, with their obsession with maintaining their bloodline, would likely not react to Sirius well. 

“I think maybe he panicked?” She suggested “And channeled his feelings into the only thing he ever got attention doing, by acting out. This is all speculation, mind you. And I certainly don’t agree that it was the right thing to do. Listen to me, If you want to forgive Sirius because you feel like it’s the best thing for you, and it’s what you feel in your heart, go ahead. But if you want to do it because you feel like you have to settle for being treated like garbage, then I’m putting a stop to it right there.”

“I-I understand.” he said “I promise it’s not like that.”

“Okay then, good. Because you deserve more than that, Remus Lupin.”

“Do you think dad is going to mind?”

“Oh don’t you worry about him.” Hope waved him off “To be honest, I think he’ll be petrified no matter who you date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again for your lovely comments, I appreciate every one of them!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: depiction of physical and emotional child abuse, underage drinking

A small legion of house elves scurried around Grimmauld Place, polishing silver and hoisting trays of food to the dining room, preparing for the latest of the Black’s ‘soirees’. Sirius was lounging on his bed, dressed in stiff dress robes his mother had forced on him. He was being forced to attend, and threatened with bodily harm if he tried to cause any problems. At the last one, he managed to catch Lucius Malfoy’s hair on fire- which Sirius maintained was an accident caused by a misplaced candle. Still, Sirius spent much of his summer so far locked in his room, so at this point he was grateful for anybody to talk to- even if it was his cousins. 

Regulus came to the door and leaned on the entryway “Mother says that Uncle Cygnus and Aunt Druella and the others are here.” he said 

Sirius groaned “Are Lucius and Rodolphus coming as well?” 

“Of course.” Regulus said. His tone betrayed the slightest bit of annoyance “Alphard is coming, though.”

He sighed “At least there’s that. I miss Andromeda.” 

“Yes, well, don’t go bringing her up at dinner. Her engagement has not been a pleasant subject.” he frowned 

“This is going to be unbearable.” 

“Just… Don’t do that thing you always do.” Regulus said “You don’t have to fight about everything.”

“And you don’t have to roll over and do whatever mummy tells you to do.” Sirius said, standing up and brushing off some dust from his robes.

Sirius’ parents had been hosting parties like this for years, inviting all of the ‘acceptable’ pureblood families and their children. It ended up feeling more like a cattle auction than anything else- most of the marriages from the past few years had been negotiated in some way or another at one of these parties. Sirius found a spot in the corner of the drawing room and leaned against the wall. He took stock of the families who had arrived. The Rosiers and their son Evan were mingling around with the Crabbes and the Malfoys, while the Bulstrodes and Lestranges were having a heated discussion with Sirius’ father. 

He wandered into the next room, where most of the “children” (who were now largely adults themselves), were talking amongst themselves. Sirius glanced at the grandfather clock in the corner and willed the hands to turn faster so they could get this over with. 

“Ah, Sirius.” Lucius Malfoy said, one arm around Narcissa “It’s good to see you.” 

“I’m sure.” Sirius said, willing himself to be pleasant “How’s working at the ministry?”

“Oh it’s all work and no play, as you can imagine.” He said, acting exasperated “But worth it in the end, don’t you think?”

“Oh I’m sure.” Sirius said. He glanced at Narcissa’s hand “Is that an engagement ring?” 

“Isn’t it lovely?” She said “It’s not official, of course. But we’re to be married once I leave school this year.”

“Wow, that’s… Early.” Sirius said 

“Well, best to get a head start, if you know what I mean.” Lucius winked “Add some more pureblood wizards to the mix. Of course, you’re the ‘egalitarian’ among us, with all your little friends. You’ll grow out of that soon, I’m sure.” 

“Once you get to work, certainly.” Rodolphus butted into the conversation, sloshing his wine around casually “What, with all those… Other sorts taking up all the jobs in the ministry. I have to work with mudbloods day in and day out. Only a matter of time before they take everything over.” 

“It’s dreadful, really.” Lucius said. Sirius clenched his jaw and extracted himself from the conversation as the two began to complain to each other. He slipped into the kitchen, knowing his mother didn’t allow it, and found the cabinet they kept the liquor. He took the stopper out of a bottle of scotch and drank freely. Someone cleared their throat from the doorway and Sirius nearly gagged. He turned quickly to see his Uncle Alphard standing there, arms crossed and looking at him with amusement as Sirius swallowed his mouthful of liquor with difficulty. 

His mouth burned and he coughed “Uncle Alphard, hi!” he winced

“That was quite a feat.” he said 

“It’s good to see you.” Sirius said, his throat still burning “You haven’t been around a lot.” 

“Yes, your mother demanded I make an appearance this time. You know me, I like my privacy.” 

“Yeah, but you don’t have to leave me to fend for myself at every one of these stupid functions.” Sirius pointed out. Alphard gestured for Sirius to hand over the bottle and he glanced at the label 

“You know this is 300 years old, yes?” he said 

Sirius shrugged “Father has like, twelve of them stashed away. Not like he’s going to miss anything.”

Alphard shook his head and took a swig himself and handed it back with a wince “How are you holding up?” 

“I’m just getting through the summer.” Sirius said “I fucking hate this house.” 

“Language, Sirius.” Alphard warned 

“Sorry.” 

Alphard sighed “I know your mother is… Difficult.”

“She’s a fascist.” Sirius said “I mean, you hear the way they talk, how can you stand it?” 

“I don’t. That’s why I don’t come round here often.” 

There was a bell from inside the drawing room “Come now, let’s go eat. My sister is a lot of things, but she plans a good meal.”

The dining room was expanded for the party, Sirius placed between Regulus and Bellatrix. Since they were underage, all of them were still expected to be “seen and not heard”, which was all the same to Sirius. Glumly, he moved food around his plate and watched his father talk about some boring Wizengamot business with Lucius Malfoy’s father, ignoring most of what they were saying.

“-All i’m saying, Orion, is that the legislation has no teeth.” Malfoy complained “What is it actually going to accomplish for us?”

“It gets a foot in the door.” Orion said “It doesn’t have to do everything all at once. However, it’s a little more palatable for some of our more… Liberal friends.”

“Cowards is what they are.” Malfoy said “Would rather the entire Ministry be overrun with werewolves than make one unpopular decision.”

“Unless it’s against purebloods, of course.” Orion lamented. Sirius listened in carefully at the mention of the werewolves, his stomach flipping 

“What we really need is to get more of our own people in the Wizengamot. If we could actually get them to vote on turning over St. Mungo's records to the ministry, we may actually be able to do something with a registry.” 

“All in due time.” Orion sighed “We do have our friend to thank for the growing support.” 

“What friend?” Sirius asked, despite himself, receiving a sharp look from his mother on Orion’s other side. He shut his mouth and turned back to the plate 

“Of course, not that I agree with his methods, but I think he has the right ideas.” Malfoy said, taking a sip of wine 

“Naturally. Somebody has got to get their hands dirty.” 

Sirius could see Lucius looking smug as he overheard the conversation. He knew Lucius’ post- Hogwarts activities had very little to with working at the ministry and much more to do with his continued support of Voldemort. He turned and muttered something to Regulus, who gave him a quick smile before turning back to his plate. 

“Is the legislation at least expected to pass, father?” Lucius asked 

“Oh, without a doubt. Not even those mudblood loving traitors can argue with an increase in attacks across the country. It will sent a strong message, at the very least.” Malfoy said 

“Well, at least we can make progress among the half-breeds. Dumbledore will have a fit about it, to be sure.” Cygnus said. He elbowed Alphard in the side and the man said nothing, just took another bite of his steak. 

Sirius was gripping his knife and fork so tightly his knuckles were turning white, and he clenched his jaw to stop himself from yelling at all of them. 

“For certain he’d prefer if they came out of the woodwork and lived among us like normal people.” Walburga said with disgust “He’d rather we send the children to school with half-breeds or house elves.” 

There was a resounding laugh around the table, and Sirius tried to picture the time that Remus beat Lucius when they had been in the dueling club, and the look on Lucius’ face if he ever realized that one of those ‘half-breeds’ three years younger than him had beat him. 

“Honestly though, it just seems like it would be a mercy to take care of all of them.” Bellatrix said from her spot beside him. Sirius noticed that nobody pointed to her to quiet down “I mean, they’re just a danger to the rest of us.” 

“You’re absolutely right” Lucius said “It’s a drain on our resources, really, keeping them alive so they tear themselves to pieces or kill innocent wizards. I don’t know why we go through the pretense of pretending they’re like us. Kill them, for all I care.”

Sirius felt a wave of hot rage “Do you ever stop talking, Malfoy?” Sirius snapped. The table went quiet and everyone looked at him. 

“Excuse me?” Lucius asked 

Sirius’ face was hot and he decided there was no way out, now “You have no idea what you’re talking about. You can’t just suggest that we go and kill every werewolf. They’re innocent people.”

Cygnus gave a laugh “You’re so naive, boy. You think one of those… things wouldn’t rip you to shreds if it had the chance?”

“They don’t-“ he dropped his knife and fork “They don’t deserve to be locked up or killed for something they can’t control.” 

“Sirius Black, you sit there and stop talking nonsense. They’re creatures of filth and ruin, I don’t know where you get these stupid little ideas in your head.” Walburga snapped 

“No, Walburga, let’s hear him- this great defender of the half-breeds.” Cygnus said with glee 

Alphard gave Sirius a look, warning him to keep his mouth shut, but it was too late for that.

“You’re not better than them, Uncle Cygnus.” Sirius said with a sneer “You’re not better than anybody. Not muggleborns, or anybody else.”

There was another resounding laugh and Sirius felt Regulus put his arm on his. Sirius shrugged it off 

“Boy, these people would take everything from you, simply because they’re jealous of how you were born.” Malfoy said “Honestly, you were raised better than this. Where did he pick this up?”

“It’ll be that Potter boy.” Walburga snapped “Blood traitors, filling your brain with nonsense and propaganda.”

“I’d have taken him out of school the moment he was sorted into Gryffindor.” Mrs. Malfoy said 

“Naturally, but who could have known he’d turn out like this.” 

“God, will you shut the fuck up?” Sirius snapped 

Walburga shot him a glance and flicked her want in his direction. Sirius felt like he had been burned by a cigar on his face. The whole dining room was silent 

“Walburga…” Alphard said

“Quiet, Alphard. You’re too soft. You go to your room, boy. If I hear one more word from you tonight, you’ll be locked there until you sort yourself out.” She yelled, “You will be punished once our company leaves.” slamming her hand onto the table. Sirius shoved his seat out, nearly knocking it down as he stormed out of the dining room. 

Sirius slammed his door shut behind him and paced, wishing he could scream but opting to punch the wall instead. He instantly regretted it, feeling a throbbing pain in his knuckles as his hand hit a wood beam. Sirius felt like an animal trapped in a cage here. He wasn’t able to leave, he couldn’t say anything or speak to anybody. Rage was bubbling under the surface of his skin since he came stepped of the train at the end of term. Somehow, leaving things the way that they were had made everything that much more unbearable over the summer. His mother’s words dug deeper, his father’s indifference more frustrating. Everything Regulus did threatened to set him off, even if he was trying to keep Sirius out of trouble. He’d even taken the blame for dropping some heirloom that Sirius had hurled at the wall and Sirius hated him for it. 

At night, he lay awake despite the deep exhaustion in his body. When he shut his eyes, all he saw was Remus’ face, looking at him with betrayal and hurt and anger. Sirius never could have pictured Remus looking at him like that before, and now it’s all he could think about. Sirius couldn’t even argue with his mother when she screamed at him, calling him worthless and a traitor. Maybe he was. He didn’t care about being a traitor to his family- he reveled in it. But he couldn’t stomach being a traitor to his friends, to Remus. 

All he wanted was to talk to him like they had before, to be able to picture Remus’ clever face looking at him right before he laughed. The first time Sirius had heard it, it was halfway through their first year at Hogwarts. Sirius made some stupid joke he couldn’t even remember, and he looked over to Remus, biting his lower lip to hide a grin before a laugh bubbled out of him and filled the dorm. That laugh, Sirius swore it could cure any illness. He would give anything to hear it again. But he knew he had fucked it up, fucked everything up because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. And now Remus would never speak to him again, never laugh at him again and he would certainly never kiss him again. As much as he wanted to blame anybody else, blame Severus or his parents, it was entirely his fault. 

That night was awful. He sat outside of Dumbledore’s office, James beside him. Seats they had been in dozens of times before, but this time there was no satisfied smile on James’ face, no toothy grin at what they’d done. Instead, James sat low in the chair, crossing his arms and staring straight forward. A stream of blood trickled out of his nose and out of a scrape on his cheek from the side of the tunnel. His robes were dirty and torn and his glasses askew. 

“James, I-“

“Sirius, I don’t want to hear it right now.” James snapped “What the fuck were you thinking?”

“I- I’m sorry, mate, I-”

“Don’t apologize to me!” he said “Think about Remus, do you have any idea what this would have done to him?”

“I-It was stupid, I know. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking!”

“Yeah, no shit you weren’t thinking.” James said “You know I love you, but fuck, Sirius! This is bad. Really, really bad. What are you going to do if Dumbledore wants to kick you out?”

“He’s not going to kick me out.” Sirius said

“Oh yeah?” James demanded “Because from where I’m sitting, it looks like you tried to kill another student.”

“I didn’t try and kill him! It just got… Out of control.” 

“Because you took it out of control!” James yelled “Remus trusted us, he trusted you. You almost made him live out his worst nightmare, and don’t tell me that i’m overreacting with that.” 

“I-“ Sirius had nothing to say “I fucked up.”

“Yeah.” James confirmed with a sigh “You fucked up, and you made me clean up your mess for you.” 

He was finally summoned into Dumbledore’s office, slipping past Severus, who shoulder checked him roughly. Dumbledore looked solemn, the usual twinkle in his eyes was gone. He gestured for Sirius to take a seat and he did so, staring at his lap and feeling the shame rise within him. 

“I trust you understand the severity of your actions tonight, Sirius.” he said 

“I-“ Sirius was going to argue but simply nodded “I’m sorry.”

“Not only did you put another student’s life in imminent danger, you did so at the betrayal of a friend's trust.” Dumbledore said, as if he didn’t know what had happened “Are you aware of what would have happened to Remus had Severus been successful in entering the Shrieking Shack tonight?”

Sirius shook his head

“Remus would likely be taken directly from the grounds of Hogwarts and into ministry custody, where he would be tried for murder. And, as it stands, would likely have been convicted and sentenced to Azkaban, at the very least. There would be nothing I could do to interfere with those consequences, his life would be ruined. If Severus managed to survive the attack, his life would have been severely altered, and Remus would have to live with the knowledge that he passed on his condition.”

“I know.” Sirius said I- It was a mistake, I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have told him.” 

“No.” Dumbledore said definitively “Sirius, was I wrong in my assumption that you wanted to take a different path than what your family has laid out for you?

“No, I don't- I’m not like them.” Sirius said 

Dumbledore nodded slowly “And how do your actions tonight reflect that desire?” 

Sirius opened his mouth and then shut it again, feeling his stomach twist with guilt “Is… Is Remus going to be alright?”

“We’ll have to wait until the sun rises to be sure, but likely he will have no injuries more severe than his usual ones. However, I expect the aftermath of this will be difficult for him.”

“You won't expel him, will you?” 

“Certainly not.” Dumbledore said 

“Am… Am I going to be expelled?” Sirius asked quietly 

Dumbledore looked down at him over his half-moon spectacles “Regardless of the fact that you informed Severus on where to go looking for Remus- and that he would not have found himself in that situation without your interference- the actions he took tonight were his own. You did not force him to go into the tunnel and find what laid beyond. So no, Sirius, you will not be expelled.”

Sirius let out a breath

“You will, however, have detention for the rest of the term, and you will be expected to issue a formal apology to both Severus and Remus. In addition, I will be taking 500 points from Gryffindor”

He nodded again, staring at his feet. 

“I must tell you, Sirius, that I am incredibly disappointed.”

“I know.” 

“You have a good heart, and a good mind. I implore you to think hard on the kind of man you want to be, and not to listen to the impulses of your lesser demons.” He said

Sirius replayed the night over and over again as he lay on his bed. His stomach growled and he wished he had eaten more before he stormed off. It was hours before Regulus slipped into his room with a napkin full of food and held it up 

“I thought you’d be hungry.”

“Piss off.” Sirius said, despite his gnawing hunger

Regulus sighed “I’m trying to help you.”

“Go save your own neck.” Sirius said 

“You don’t have to always say what you think.” 

“You’re just going to let them tell you what to think for the rest of your life?” Sirius demanded “Do you really agree with everything they go on about?” 

Regulus sighed “I don’t know how to help you, Sirius.” 

“Then don’t.” Sirius said coldly. Regulus set the stolen food on Sirius’ dresser 

Sirius heard a door slam down the hall and Regulus gave Sirius a look before ducking out of his room to get out of the way. Sirius sat up as his mother stormed in. 

“I hope you’re happy!” She boomed “You ungrateful, insolent boy.” 

“Yeah, maybe I am happy.” Sirius said 

“You don’t even have the decency to feel guilty for ruining the night. You have no idea how embarrassing it is to be treated that way in front of everyone by your own child.”

“I can imagine it’s almost as embarrassing as having a mother who takes pride in being so wrong about everything. You’re supporting a murderer and a dictator, how stupid can you be?” 

Walburga sneered at him “How dare you speak to me that way? You think another family would keep you if you acted like this? After everything i’ve done for you? You’re nothing but a disappointment. What pride you take in being brainwashed.” 

“Oh I’M brainwashed? You’re fucking kidding yourself.” Sirius stood up, fists clenched “You’re a horrible, horrible person. All of you are. I’m disgusted being related to you.”

Walburga leaned back and slapped him with the back of her hand. Sirius recoiled, feeling her heavy silver rings make impact with his cheek “You’re rotten, you hear me? You are rotting from the inside, you always have been. I knew from the moment I held you that there was something wrong with you, and you have proven me correct ever since then.”

Sirius shook with anger “I hate you. I hate every last one of you, and I hope you get everything that’s coming for you. 

“You’re nothing.” She sneered. She reached out and grabbed him by the hair, pulling hard. Sirius struggled “You’ll always be nothing. Your name is the only thing about you that’s worth anything.” 

“Let me go!” he yelled 

Walburga dragged him out of the room and summoned a pair of scissors “You have no respect for your family, or our traditions! You ungrateful little monster.” 

Sirius continued to struggle as she began to chop off his hair in chunks, screaming at him the entire time. When she finished she shoved him to the ground. Sirius sat there for a moment, surrounded by his shorn hair and steeled himself. A strange sense of calm came over him and he stood up, taking a step back towards his bedroom 

“Go! Get out of my sight!” She yelled, slamming the door behind him. 

Sirius shut his eyes and put his back against the door, hearing Walburga continue to yell and rave behind it. Eventually her voice went down the stairs again. It was time to make a decision. His heart thumping in his chest, Sirius heaved his trunk out from under his bed and began throwing in whatever he could. His school books, his clothes. He stripped off the awful dress robes and the stuffy clothes underneath and changed into the muggle clothes he was able to hide from his mother, and slipped his leather jacket on over it. He took his wand off his dresser and held it in his hand for a moment, staring at the door and back to his trunk. He could stop now. He could make a fake apology and accept whatever punishment his mother came up with, as he had done over and over and over again. But no. He was sick of this- he was tired of making himself small to please people he hated. Sirius swallowed and steeled his resolve, picking up his trunk and opening the door. 

Regulus was lingering in the hallway and looked at him “Sirius, what are you doing?” he said 

“I’m leaving.” Sirius said “I’m not doing this anymore.”

Regulus sighed “Sirius, no, just go back to your room, you don’t have-“ 

“You don’t have to do this, either.” Sirius insisted, for once feeling a pang of sadness for his brother “Come with me.”

“I- I can’t. You know I can’t.”

“Fuck that.” Sirius said 

“I’m sorry.” Regulus said. “I’m not like you.”

They stared at each other for a long while and Sirius finally nodded “I hope one day you can live your own life.” 

Regulus looked away as Sirius dragged his trunk down the stairs. 

Sirius stepped into the sitting room, where his father sat in his armchair with a glass of brandy and his mother was still pacing the room, raving. Her face reddened when she saw Sirius standing there in muggle clothes

“Do you think tonight is the night to test my patience, boy?” She demanded

“No. I don’t.” Sirius said “I’m leaving. You don’t have to worry about me anymore.” 

“Must we be dramatic, Sirius?” Orion said, cocking an eyebrow. 

Sirius turned his back on them and Walburga threw a curse at him, hitting him like a punch across the face. Sirius nearly fell, but held his ground and whipped around, pointing his own wand at her. 

“That’s the last time you ever hurt me.” He said “I’m never coming back here again.”

“Oh you can guarantee that!” Walburga screeched “Who do you think is going to take you in, hm? You think those blood traitors and mudbloods care about you at all? You step out that door, you are no longer a part of this family, do you understand me? You’ll be out on your own like your disgusting cousin.” 

“Good.” Sirius said. He turned to his father “Are you going to say anything?”

Orion rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything before turning back to his paper. Sirius turned around and his mother didn’t try to stop him this time. He caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror as he opened the front door. His face was bruised and bloody and his hair cut nearly to the scalp. Sirius stepped out into the rain, barely recognizing himself, but for the first time in months, he knew what kind of man he was going to be. 

————

James lay out on the floor of the living room, tossing a quaffle from hand to hand absently and staring at the ceiling. A letter from Lily lay open next to him, and was trying to come up with a clever response. He tried to start it at least three times but it always ended up sounding embarrassing and stupid. He tossed the Quaffle at the sofa, where it landed with a soft thud and picked up his quill again. 

“Dear Lily,-“ he began

He was interrupted by the bell to the front door ringing loud through the house. James furrowed his brow and checked his watch. It was well past midnight, his parents had both been asleep for a few hours. Perhaps it was a mistake. He decided to ignore it before it rang again and then a third time. James frowned and got up to check the door, opening it up to Sirius, battered and soaking wet, his hair chopped short in uneven chunks. It took James a moment to process what he was seeing. 

“Hey James. Er- Can I… Can I come in?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A long awaited check in with how Sirius is doing! The answer is not great!
> 
> Just a side bar, I know today is going to be long and incredibly stressful for Americans and people around the world. Hang in there, drink water, and take some breaks from the news when you need to. I'm going to occupy my brain by writing some more today, so there might be another update later today. Stay safe, friends.


	12. Chapter 12

Lily poked her head into the garden and found her mother in her spotted sun hat, rooting around for weeds in the garden. 

“Hey mum, I’m going to Remus’ for dinner tonight, is that okay?” She said 

Jane looked up and frowned a little “Who’s going to be there?”

She shrugged “Just Remus and his parents. Why?” 

“I just… I’m a little concerned about Remus.” She sighed, dusting the dirt off her hands. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean he comes over here with a new bruise or bandage every time I see him.” Jane crossed her arms “I’m not sure it’s a good idea for you to be over there all the time.”

“Mum, Remus isn’t being abused, I promise you that.” Lily said 

“Well, is he doing it to himself, then?” Jane asked "I don't know if that would be any better."

Lily gave a non-commital shrug “He’s fine, mum.”

“I just think his mother needs to be keeping a better eye on him.” Jane sighed 

“You like Remus, mum.” Lily said, ignoring her 

“Of course I like him, I think he’s a good boy.” Jane said “But he’s alone far too often, I really think she ought to stay home more.”

“She has a job, mum, there’s nothing wrong with that.” 

“I know there’s nothing wrong with that!” She said “I just think that a mother should prioritize her children is all.”

“It’s 1976. Things are changing.” Lily groaned “I hope you don’t expect me to just give up on a career to raise kids.” 

“You’ve always been strong-willed, Lily, I certainly don’t expect a traditional path for you.” Jane said 

“Okay, mum.” 

“Why don’t you find some nice girls to hang out with?” Jane suggested “The Morton’s down the way have a daughter around your age.”

“Mum, come on. I like my friends. What’s so wrong about hanging out with Remus?” 

Jane tutted “I still don’t like the idea of you two always hanging around alone with no supervision. A pretty girl running around with a load of boys, people are bound to talk.”

“Remus isn’t even- We’re friends, okay?” Lily said “Just friends. We’ve had this conversation before. Don’t you trust me?” 

“You know I trust you.” she said “But I’m a mother, I worry. I just don’t want you getting a reputation.” 

“I’m not going to get a reputation.” Lily said, her tone dry “Can I go to the Lupin’s, please?” 

“So long as it’s okay with them, I suppose.” Jane said 

“Thank you!” she said, turning heel before her mother could change her mind, tucking a few records under her arm as she walked out the door.

When she arrived at the farm house, Remus was lying on the rusty iron bench in the garden, eyes closed and a book fanned open on his chest. Lily came up behind him and ruffled his hair. He opened one eye. 

“About time.” He said

“Sorry, mum decided to lecture me on being a slag.” She said, sitting cross legged on the other side of the bench 

“Oh?” Remus asked 

“She thinks running around with you all the time is going to give me a 'reputation' in the village.” she said

Remus scoffed “Well I am a Don Juan, as everyone knows.” 

“Naturally.” She rolled her eyes “Oh, she also thinks you’re being abused and that your mum is neglecting you.”

“Jesus, she has a lot of thoughts today, doesn’t she?” Remus said “Where did this come from?”

“Sometimes she gets into these moods where she needs to tell us everything she thinks is going wrong in our lives.” Lily said “It’s best to just let her get it all out so she doesn’t get too upset that I’m becoming a man-hating feminist.” 

“Speaking of man-hating feminists, do you want to come inside? Mum is thrilled you’re coming.” He pulled himself upright 

“Am I the first one of your friends to have dinner with the Lupin family?” Lily asked, jumping to her feet and offering Remus a hand

Remus thought for a moment as he stood “Yeah, I suppose you are.”

“Wow, I feel so special.” She said with a grin 

“Yes, well, my dad’s cooking so it might at least be edible.” Remus said. He pushed the door open and they were met with his parents yelling from the kitchen.

“-definitely not what that’s supposed to look like.” Hope pointed out 

“I know it’s not supposed to look like that!” Lyall said back 

“Why did it congeal like that? How did it congeal at all?" 

“Hope, this is not helpful.” Lyall groaned “Where is the bloody recipe?” 

“Julia would be very disappointed in you.” Hope teased. Remus and Lily walked into the kitchen, where Lyall was hunched over his copy of Mastering the Art of French Cooking (the only cookbook they owned) and Hope poked at something sputtering in a pot on the stove.

“Dad, I told you you shouldn’t try something new tonight.” Remus said, leaning over the pot and turning up his nose

He frowned and looked up “It looked easy in the book!” He snapped 

Lily and Remus both bit their lip to avoid laughing at the scene. 

“You mustn’t think we’re incompetent, Lily. We’re all very gifted in other realms” Hope said, abandoning the stove and giving Lily a hug “It’s great to finally meet you.”

“You too!” Lily said “It really doesn’t look too bad.”

“You’re very kind.” Lyall groaned “But I think your parents would be a little cross at me if I poisoned you.” 

“On the plus side, my sister would be thrilled.” Lily said 

The pot began to smoke and Remus winced “I think we may have to call it on whatever this was supposed to be.” 

Lyall put the lid on it and moved it away from the burner “No, I don’t think we can salvage it.” 

Remus opened the pantry “Yeah, there’s nothing here but a couple packets of crisps.”

“Right then.” Hope said “Lyall? Market dinner?” 

He nodded “Right, I’ll be back.” He disapparated with a crack and Hope lit a cigarette 

“Sorry for the wait, kids. Remus, hand me those crisps” 

Remus threw them to her “I’ll grab the plates” 

“What’s a market dinner?” Lily asked 

“Well, when Lyall and I were first married we went to France, and the first day there, he got violently ill.” she said, taking a handful of crisps and handing them over to Lily “It was just a random flu or something, but it was awful. And then he gave it to me. So there we are, newlyweds, and we had literally only seen the inside of our hotel. Mostly the bathroom. About two days in, we finally get absolutely starving and feel well enough to leave, but just decided to skip finding a restaurant and just go to the nearest market and get whatever we could so we didn't have to get out of our pajamas. We just grabbed as much meat and cheese and bread as we could, got a couple of bottles of wine, and it was the best meal we had the entire trip." 

“Now we do it literally all the time.” Remus said "Mostly because we're all too lazy to cook." 

“Hey, it works.” She shrugged “I really did intend to learn how to cook in between then and now, but I had bigger things on my mind.” 

Lily smiled and followed the two of them into the living room and helped Remus move the coffee table off to the side of the room. Hope looked over the records Lily brought along with her.

“The Kinks! You know when Remus was little, he went through a phase were he would go around and sing Louie Louie constantly. For weeks.” 

Lily laugh and Remus frowned “It wasn’t weeks.”

Hope winked at Lily “It was weeks. Here, put on the Bowie- then Lyall won't complain about it.”

“He only goes in for jazz, to be fair.” Remus said 

‘“Sensible music’ as he calls it.” Hope laughed 

The music rang throughout the house and Lyall returned a few minutes later, a paper bag under his arms.

“Ah! Our wonderful provider.” Hope said, pecking him on the cheek and taking the bag from him, setting out everything on a blanket on the floor.

“You know you can hear the music from outside, right?” Lyall said 

“As it should be.” Hope said “Dig in, kids.” 

Lily had never had a meal at a friend’s house quite like this, strangely informal, with loud music and animated stories- largely from Hope, who spoke with her hands and seemed to narrowly avoid setting things on fire with her cigarettes. 

“Are you looking forward to the new term, Lily?” Lyall asked, clearly making an effort to try and get to know Remus’ friends. 

“I think so” She said “I’m not quite ready to start thinking about it yet, to be honest.”

He nodded “Sixth year can be difficult, I think I barely slept the entire year.” 

“That’s very comforting, dad.” Remus said 

Lyall shrugged “Better to be prepared, I think.” he said. Hope stood to grab something from the kitchen and as she walked back in, she swayed along to the music, her cigarette leaving a trail of smoke where she had been. She pulled a reluctant Remus to his feet and tried to get him to dance. He mostly stood awkwardly, his arms at his sides

“Come on Remus, you can do better than that.” Lily said with a grin 

“The Lupin men have three left feet.” Hope explained 

“I’m not that bad.” Lyall said 

“You broke my toe on our wedding day, dear.” 

“And I fixed it immediately after!” 

Lily jumped up “You have to actually move your arms.” 

Remus laughed as she took his hands and tried to get him to move with the music. Lyall stayed where he was and watched the scene with a soft smile. 

As it got dark, Lily said goodbye to Lyall and Hope and Remus walked her back home 

“Sorry dinner fell through like that, I hope it wasn’t too weird.” Remus said

“No! It was amazing, I love your parents, they’re like. Actually cool.” 

Remus laughed “I don't know about that.”

“Seriously, I had a lovely time. You’re so much like them, it’s eerie.” 

“They’re polar opposites, not sure how that works.”

“Neither do I.” Lily said “But both of them somehow remind me of you, it’s really funny.” 

“There are worse things to be, I suppose.” Remus said 

“Your dad seems more… Relaxed.” she said 

“Yeah, I think he’s really trying to be. It’s probably easier for him now that you know and he doesn’t have to pretend otherwise. He’s a God awful liar.”

They got to Lily’s door and lingered for a bit, chatting and laughing when the door opened, Petunia standing with her arms crossed.

“You’re late for curfew.” 

“I’m here, aren’t I?” Lily said "What are you, the neighborhood patrol?" 

“That awful boy was here looking for you, earlier.” 

“Boy? What boy?” she asked, briefly wondering if James had come by for some reason

“The greasy one, I don’t know.” Petunia shrugged.

Remus and Lily glanced at each other and turned back to Petunia “Severus?” 

—————

When James was a child, his parents became used to him leaving the house in the morning and traipsing home hours later, with some broken or lost animal in tow. Wounded birds, abandoned kittens, lost dogs, even a gnome with a broken arm on one memorable occasion. As rambunctious as James was even then, he would bring them to his parents as gentle as could be and ask if they could fix them. So it wasn’t too much of a shock when Euphemia and Fleamont shuffled to the kitchen in the morning to find a bruised but carefully patched up Sirius Black eating at their table as if he hadn’t seen food in years. 

The euphoria and adrenaline that shepherded Sirius out of the house and into the rain had since worn off, leaving him shell-shocked and exhausted. Even as James sat him down in the bathroom and cleaned off the cuts on his face, he found himself unable to say much. He simply told James that he ran away and needed a place to stay, which was more than enough for him. James pulled Euphemia to the side and told her what he knew and asked if he could stay. 

“This is your home for as long as you need it to be.” She told Sirius, giving him a gentle kiss on the forehead. Sirius couldn’t even bring himself to be moved by her kindness and simply nodded thankfully. 

After breakfast, they went to James’ room and Sirius sat on his bed, knees pulled to his chest. James kept looking up from his magazine to glance at Sirius, the worry on his face poorly hidden. Often, James struggled to know how to help his friends in situations such as these. He knew he was lucky, his childhood was untouched by the tragedy or pain that shaped Remus' and Sirius' lives. There was always someone there to pick him up when he fell, and he was doted on by his parents, there was no underlying trauma infecting the rest of his life. Besides being a little lonely every once and a while, James had an idyllic childhood. 

Sometimes, Sirius or Remus would tell a story from their early life, laughing at whatever horrible thing had happened at the time and James could only gape at them, unable to see the humor in it. The time Sirius' mother pushed him down the stairs or the time Remus broke his leg in three places during a full moon would bring the two of them to tears laughing, leaving him and Peter to stare at them as if they missed the joke. James glanced over at Sirius again, scanning his face for how he was feeling. 

“You don’t have to say anything to make me feel better, James.” Sirius said, as if he could read his mind 

“I’m not! I’m just… Checking on you.”

“You’re looking at me like i’m a bomb about to go off.” 

“I mean, can you blame me?” James said 

“I’m fine.” Sirius insisted “I just… Need to not think about it.”

“Are you sure you don’t just want to talk about it?” 

“No.” Sirius said “What’s there to talk about? I haven’t been apart of that family since I was eleven. All this does is change my postal address.” 

James made a face “Alright. But if you need to talk-“

“I said I was fine, Prongs.” Sirius said. He ran a hand over what remained of his hair absently “I dunno, talk about what you’ve been doing this summer.”

James shrugged “Not a lot, really. I’ve been talking to Lily, actually…”

“Wait what?” Sirius said “And she’s talking back?” 

“Don’t be a prat.” James said “Yes, she is talking back, thank you very much.”

“I literally never thought I’d see the day.” Sirius said “What brought this on?” 

“Well…” James rubbed the back of his head “Lily sent me an owl because Remus moved in to her village.” 

“Oh.” Sirius said 

“Yeah.” James said “She- er- well they’ve become pretty good friends, and she thought I should come over there and try and get him to talk to me.” 

“So you saw him?” Sirius asked. He ran his fingers over the hem of his too-short pajamas he borrowed from James last night, avoiding looking at James. 

James nodded “Yeah, we’re talking again.”

“Is he-“ Sirius started “How is he?” 

“He’s doing better. I think he was a little messed up in the beginning of the summer. And his dad found out that we know.” 

“Fuck, really?” He looked up 

“But it worked out, actually. It looks like they talked and worked some stuff out.” 

“Wow, did the world go upside down while I was trapped in that hell hole?” 

James laughed “Could have.” he said “Alternate dimensions and all that.”

“Listen, if you want Lily to think you’re cool, you can’t bring up alternate dimensions to her.” Sirius said. There was a pause and Sirius’ face fell again “I really fucked things up, didn’t I?” 

“I-“ James started. He sighed “Listen, it was bad, i’m not gonna lie. But… But I think it’s not beyond repair. Maybe you should try and apologize.” 

“What good would that do?” Sirius said “I already tried that.”

“I mean you kind of just yelled at him that you were sorry. That’s not a real apology.” 

Sirius rubbed his eyes “He shouldn’t forgive me, anyway. I’m a piece of shit and I don’t deserve it.” 

“That’s not really fair to him, is it?” 

“What do you mean?” 

James sighed “I know you feel awful. And I know you know it was a shitty thing to do. But it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. You’re just calling yourself a bad person and saying you don’t deserve forgiveness, but he can’t decide to forgive you unless you actually apologize. It doesn’t mean he’s going to do it, but I think he deserves a chance to decide that for himself.” 

Sirius nodded slowly and stared at his knees 

“I think you should take some time to figure out where your head is at right now, but maybe it’s worth a shot.” 

“I-i’ll think about it.” Sirius said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally just needed to write something fluffy and cute for the first part of this before returning to our regularly scheduled heartbreak.


	13. Chapter 13

Days passed since Petunia told her that Severus had been around looking for her, and Lily had yet to see him. She put it in the back of her mind, writing it off as Petunia trying to play a joke on her or something. Even if he was looking for her, Lily decided it wasn’t her problem. She had more important things to worry about. Namely, the fact that the end of Summer was inching closer and closer and she and Remus realized neither of them had put much of a dent in their summer schoolwork. They resolved to get together this morning to try and knock out some of it. Granted, their last few attempts to work on it had ended up with them watching a Monty Python marathon on TV and filling out all the quizzes in Petunia’s teen magazines. This time they decided on Remus’ house, as they figured there would be fewer distractions. 

She shoved her books into a bag and headed out the door. It was still early, the morning dew dampening her trainers as she cut through the lawn. She reached the gravel path to Remus’ house before she noticed Severus was following her. She turned heel and he stopped walking.

“Severus, what are you doing?” She sighed 

He ignored her question “So you’re hanging around with him now?”

“I don’t know what you’re referring to, but I don’t see how it’s any of your business who I do or don’t spend my time with.” She crossed her arms over her chest and Severus took a step closer. 

“You don't know anything about him, Lily, he’s dangerous. If you knew-“ 

“I know more than you think, actually.” She snapped “You’re wrong, for one thing, and even if you were I don’t need your protection.” 

Snape gaped at her “So that’s it? You’d rather spend time with one of them than me?” 

“Last time I checked, you made your choice. I believe your exact words were that you don’t need help from mudbloods like me.” 

“You know I didn’t mean it like that.” he said 

“Then how did you mean it?” Lily demanded, feeling her blood boiling “Did you mean it differently than when you called Alice a mud blood? Or Jason Edge, or Annie Nureyev?” 

“You’re different than them, I-“

Lily could have jumped the distance between them and killed him “You’re unbelievable. What the fuck happened to you, Severus? If you stopped hanging around those awful junior Death Eaters, maybe you’d be able to see what they’ve done to you.”

“Forget about them.” 

“No, I won’t, actually!” She said “They’re monsters. And you’re just like them.”

“Oh I’m the monster?” Snape gave a dark laugh “Did your new boyfriend fail to mention that he tried to kill me? I could have been ripped apart, and you’re off to have tea parties with it.” 

“It wasn’t like that and you know it. You’re just angry because James saved you from your own stupidity.” Lily said

“Potter just wanted to save his own skin, you know they were all in on it!” Severus was red in the face 

Lily took a breath “I’m sorry you feel like this, I really do. I have nothing to say to you until you come to your senses.” She turned around, determined to leave before she did something stupid. 

“Hey, don’t fucking walk away from me!” Snape yelled 

Lily whipped around again and drew her wand to him, stepping forward until she was holding it to his face “Don’t you dare talk to me like that! You’ve made your choices, and you have to live with the consequences. I don’t belong to you, and I don’t belong to anybody else, do you understand me?” 

Snape recoiled as if he had been struck and steeled his face again “You and that half-breed deserve each other.” 

Lily didn’t turn back around until he had stalked back the direction he’d come. When he finally disappeared, she realized she was shaking with anger. She practically ran the rest of the way to Remus’ house and banged her fist on the door. 

Remus answered the door with one hand, looking down at a piece of scrap paper in his other “Okay I’m looking at this Ancient Runes translation I did, and I don’t think this is-“ he stopped and looked at Lily “What happened?” 

Lily walked past him and threw her bag down, and ran her hands through her hair. Unable to stand still, she paced into the kitchen and turned around “I finally ran into Severus.” 

“Fuck.” Remus said, closing the door behind her and studying her face carefully “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine! I’m fine.” She said, taking a deep breath “I’m just so angry. He just kept going on and on about this bullshit that ‘oh, you’re not like other muggle borns’ and… I just can’t believe I was ever friends with him!” 

“You couldn’t have known, Lily.” Remus assured her “He’s just… Gotten too in deep with the wrong sort.” 

“Fuck, Remus, the way he talked about you…” Lily said. She shuddered 

Remus shrugged “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does, though!” She snapped, pacing in the hallway. Remus blinked and watched her. She stopped and sighed. “I’m sorry, I just- I’m sick of it, you know? I mean, I know you know. I’m sick of people treating people like them treating us like shit if we dare step out of line or don’t thank them for the opportunity.”

“It’s really fucked up.” He nodded 

“I just- It makes me crazy. And the fact that for one thing, he thinks i’m basing everything I believe on who he thinks I fancy, and secondly that he thinks I would just let him hate every muggle born because he thinks i’m some kind of special exception.” she said. She slumped against the pantry door and put her palms to her forehead “I’m sick of people thinking that I’m this silly little girl who can only crush after boys instead of making my own decisions.”

“Not everyone thinks that.” Remus said

“My mother does! Severus clearly does.” She groaned “I mean, you don’t, but still.” 

Remus sighed “I’m so sorry. I really wish there was something I could do to help.” 

“You could help me beat up Severus.” She joked

He thought for a moment “Well, I did almost eat him.” 

They looked at each other for a long moment before Lily cracked a smile and they both burst into laughter. 

“Sorry.” Remus said, still trying to suppress laughter “This is serious, I know.”

“No, I needed that.” She said. She sighed and slid to the kitchen floor. Remus joined her and they sat across from one another “People suck.”

“That they do.” He said “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” She said “I know it’s stupid to be this angry about him, but… I mean, we were friends for a long time, you know?”

“I get it.” Remus said “I suppose you just have to hope that one day he’ll come to realize how wrong he is and try to make it up to you.” 

“I guess.” Lily said “But do you really think people can change like that?” 

He paused “I think so. I think they have to want to do it, but I don’t know if there’s anybody who can’t make amends in some way or another. I don’t necessarily think everyone can or should be forgiven, but they can always try.” 

“I just wish more people tried.” Lily said “I just… It feels like things are getting worse, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“I know what you mean.” he sighed “I- I think all we can do is hope there are enough people who don’t think that way, you know”

“Yeah, that’s the hard part.” Remus nodded 

“I’m going to ask you something, and you don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.” She said

“Go for it.” 

“If you… If you could find the person who bit you, would you forgive them?” 

Remus bit his lip and thought for a long moment “Well,” he said “For one thing, I know who he is, and he’s in Azkaban. I don’t know, to be honest. He’s not someone I think would care to try. If he did… I’m not sure I could, to be honest. If it had been a mistake, I might have been able to. But as it stands, I don’t think so. Perhaps a better person would be able to.” 

“I don’t think it’s a matter of being a better person.” Lily said “I just wonder if there aren’t certain things that we objectively shouldn’t tolerate, no matter how much the person tries to apologize.”

Remus nodded “I think these are questions a little outside our pay grade right now.” 

Lily sighed “You’re right.” she said “Should we work on Ancient Runes?”

“We could do that.” Remus nodded “But, I was going to save this for after we were done, but my cousins sent me something in the mail the other day…” 

Lily cocked her eyes to the side as Remus reached into the pocket of his cardigan and pulled out a neatly rolled joint. Lily’s face cracked into a grin “You’re kidding.”

“Only if you want to.” he said

“Remus Lupin, I would love to do drugs with you.” She laughed “Although at this rate, we’re never going to get any of this homework done.”

Remus shrugged “Who knows, maybe it’ll make the translations easier.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter for now, the (probably) last chapter will be coming soon! Thank you all so much for reading


	14. Chapter 14

Sirius had been with the Potters for only a few days, but he was already starting to feel more like himself. Fleamont had given him a potion to help regrow his hair, and Euphemia set up the spare bedroom beside James’ for him. She even set out an old crimson and gold quilt she made decades ago on his bed. He felt more at home than he ever had at Grimmauld Place. 

Somehow, his mother had figured out where he ran off to and sent half a dozen howlers after him. They took to keeping a silver tureen next to the dining room table to quickly stuff them in before they started screaming or exploding, as there was already a sizable scorch mark on the wood of the table and the Potter's cat was beginning to fear the mail being delivered. This morning brought no exploding letters, but there was a little note addressed to Sirius in neat script.

He opened it up at the breakfast table 

“My dear nephew,

Your mother informed me (rather loudly) about what happened after dinner last Friday. Frankly, I can’t blame you for leaving the way you did. You did always have a knack for doing things with a flair. In any case, I am glad you have found a safe place to weather the aftermath. It goes without saying that your family has no idea I am writing this to you, but I found myself unable to allow you to go off into the world on your own without at least offering what support I can. If you are amenable, I would love to have you over for tea this Saturday at 1:00pm. I understand if you do not wish to have any further contact with any of the Black family, but I do hope you decide to come.

Wishing you all the best,

Alphard P. Black.”

“Who’s it from?” James asked from across the table “I mean, it’s not screaming so that’s a step up.”

“My uncle. The good one.” Sirius handed it over and James read over it quickly 

“Are you going to go?” James asked 

Sirius frowned “I dunno. I mean, he’s always been kind to me, but…”

“But you don’t know if he’s in cahoots with your family?” James asked

“Exactly. He’s never been the most popular out of them, but he still comes around every once and a while, you know? He just keeps to himself for the most part.” 

James mulled this over “I mean, I think if he’s offering an olive branch you may as well hear him out. It might be nice to have a connection with someone from your family.”

“I suppose.” Sirius said 

“If you’re nervous about it, what If I come with you? That way if it’s an ambush we can fight off your family together.”

Sirius let out a bark of laughter “No, I think I’ll be alright. Thanks, mate.” 

Sirius had never actually been to his Uncle’s flat before. He knew he lived in Kensington, but not exactly where. Alphard was a private person, he really only came around for the occasional holiday or dinner, but always left early- which Sirius could understand. Fleamont brought him into London, as he had to finish a few errands around Diagon Alley and was going there anyway. Sirius held the note with his address, which brought him to an unassuming townhouse near the gardens. He looked up at the ornate knocker and suddenly felt unease in his stomach, worried about what his Uncle would say to him or if he would report back to his mother. He swallowed it down and knocked on the door and took a step back, pacing slightly on the stairs. 

Alphard opened the door and gave Sirius a fond smile “I’m glad you came, my boy.” he said. He was dressed completely differently then he did when he came around Grimmauld Place, and looked not unlike a muggle retiree, his black dress robes swapped in favor of a pair of plaid slacks and a casual oxford “Come in, come in.”

Sirius stepped inside, surprised at how bright and airy the place was. There were large windows allowing in the light, and the entryway was paved with white marble. Expensive looking paintings lined the hallways and staircase, most of them stationary but a few moving around in their frames. 

“Wow. This is… Not what I was expecting.” Sirius said, turning around as Alphard lead him inside 

“I always did have a different aesthetic in mind than my siblings.” he said. He lead him through the entryway and into a drawing room. A small jack russell terrier woke up from his spot under a bay window and came running over to sniff at Sirius’ shoes happily, her little tail wagging furiously. Sirius knelt down to scratch her behind the ears. 

“Wow, Tina likes you. Normally she despises company. Nearly bit off a friend of mine’s finger last time I had a party.”

Sirius grinned “Dogs love me.” he said 

“Please, sit.” He gestured to an expensive looking sofa made of deep green velvet and Sirius sat down at the edge. Tina jumped up and sat on his lap, trying to lick his face. Alphard frowned “Damn dog knows she’s not allowed on the sofa, but try telling her that! Are you hungry?”

“Er- A little.” Sirius said. Alphard flicked his wand absently and summoned a table with an ornate teapot and a large silver tray of sandwiches and cakes. It set itself down in the middle of the room and Alphard took a seat in an armchair across from Sirius and poured them both tea “I know you’re probably wondering why I wanted to reach out to you.”

Sirius nodded and Alphard stirred a lump of sugar into his own cup. 

“I’m dreadfully sorry about what your mother did.” he said, absently stirring his tea 

“It’s not your fault.” Sirius said, picking up his own cup but not drinking it.

“No, but I feel… Responsible, I suppose. I should have warned you better to keep your cool, or taken a stand during dinner.” He said “Well, I suppose there is a reason I was sorted into Slytherin like the rest of the family. Always looking out for my own neck…”

“It’s-“ Sirius looked at him, puzzled “It’s alright. It’s not like you have any obligation to do anything, really. I’m not your kid.” 

“No, I suppose not.” He said “But, I never had children of my own and I never will. I suppose in my old age I’m feeling the need to help out the black sheep of the family, so to speak.” 

“There aren’t very many of us, to be fair.” 

He smiled “No. No there aren’t. Listen, It’s not much, but I’d like to help you out. At least until you finish school. Set you up with a little bit of money so you don’t have to worry about it. I’ve offered the same to Andromeda, of course, but she decided not to take it. She and Theodore are hoping to go at it on their own, as far as I understand. I can respect that.”

“Oh. Oh wow, thats-“ Sirius was interrupted by the sound of the door opening and closing again and footsteps clapping against the marble. Tina jumped off of Sirius’ lap and greeted the older man who walked into the drawing room, a load of groceries in a brown paper bag under his arm. 

“Alphie, they didn’t have any of those biscuits you like, but I got-“ the man looked up and glanced from Alphard to Sirius “Oh goodness, I completely forgot you were having company! I thought it was tomorrow for some reason…. I’ll leave you to it.”

“No, no, come in, it’s alright.” Alphard said “Daniel, this is my nephew, Sirius.” 

“It is a surprise to meet some of Alphard’s family. I’ve heard a lot about you, Sirius. He tells me you’re one of the good ones.”

“Yeah, he’s a good one.” Alphard said 

“Well, I’ll leave you two to chat for a while, I have to get these into the fridge.” Daniel said. He gave Sirius a kind smile “I hope I catch you before you leave, it was lovely to meet you.”

“Yeah, nice to meet you too.” Sirius said. He watched him leave the room, a little puzzled. He turned back to his uncle.

“Daniel is my… Well, I hope ‘companion’ doesn’t make me sound too old.” he said 

Sirius stared at him for a moment before the realization hit “Oh. OH!” Sirius said “How did I never know about him? How long have you been together?”

“About 15 years.” Alphard said with a fond smile “It’s part of the reason I keep my distance from the family, you see.”

“He’s a muggle, isn’t he?” Sirius said 

“He is.” Alphard nodded “As you can imagine, there would be more than one reason for me to be blasted off the tapestry. I’ve thought about just doing it myself, sometimes, but… Well, I’ve never been a brave man. And I prefer to keep my life to myself and those who bring me happiness.”

“What if my mother finds out you’re helping me?” Sirius asked. 

He shrugged “Then she finds out. To be honest, I was only maintaining as much contact with then as I did for your sake. Yours and your brother.”

“But Reg is still there.” Sirius said

Alphard sighed “Yes. Yes, he is. I worry that their claws are already too deep in him to make much of a difference now. The same can be said for your remaining cousins. I believe all I can do now is hope he comes to the right decision. But for now, let’s worry about you.” 

Sirius nodded slowly, taking it all in. “I- I don’t know what to say.” he said

“Then say nothing.” Alphard said. He put his elbows on his knees “You have a bright future, Sirius. You’re a good kid with a good head on your shoulders. I hope you know that.”

Despite himself, Sirius felt himself well up with tears. “I- fuck- sorry.” he said, rubbing his sleeve over his eyes “I just- I don’t deserve this.”

“Oh goodness.” Alphard said, clearly not prepared for such a forward display of emotion. “Er-“ he fumbled in his pocket and handed him a handkerchief 

“Sorry!” Sirius said “I don’t mean to… I’m fine. It’s been a weird week.”

“That’s… That’s understandable.” Alphard said. He watched him awkwardly “Are you…. Are you alright, my boy?” 

“I’m…” Sirius began “I don’t know. I just… What if they’re right about me? What if I am worthless, what if I don’t amount to anything?”

Alphard sighed “You cannot judge your success based on their metrics, that’s not… That’s not going to do you any good. You need to do what makes you happy.” 

“I don’t think i’m meant to be happy.” Sirius said “Sometimes I think… I just fuck up everything good that happens to me. And at this point I can’t tell what’s on purpose and what’s not.”

He furrowed his brow “What’s this about?” 

“I- I have this friend at school, and I- Well I can’t get into the specifics but we kissed. I kissed him and then I betrayed his trust two days later and I don't know why. I just panicked. He’s so… Good. And the world has treated him like shit, he has no reason to be as good as he is. But he’s just kind, and gentle, and caring… And when he kissed me, I couldn’t help but feel that I had lied to him. That I had made him believe I was something I’m not. Because why else would someone like that want me like that?” 

Alphard nodded slowly and thought “It seems like you’re trying your best to give people a good reason to hate you. Listen to me, Sirius. You are not what they say you are. There is nothing wrong with you. In fact, despite everything you were taught to believe, you held on to what you know is right. Not many people can say that, can say that they were defiant in the face of opposition. I certainly can’t. We aren’t predetermined to be good or bad straight out of the womb, we make choices and we decide how we’re going to be.” 

Sirius stared at him for a long moment and stared at his lap “I don’t know how to be different.” he said quietly 

“This thing you did, this betrayal, are you going to do it again?”

“No. Never.” Sirius said quickly

“Okay. Then you get up every morning and you try and be better. And it’s hard, I won’t lie to you. It’s very easy to do the wrong thing, and often incredibly difficult to do the right thing. But you can only try.” 

Sirius stayed for a while after that, having tea with Daniel and Alphard and doting on Tina. When it finally came time for him to meet back up with Fleamont, Daniel gave him a kiss on either cheek and a box full of cakes to take with him. Alphard took Sirius’ hand and shook it with both of his 

“Remember what I said, alright?” he said 

Sirius nodded “Thank you. For everything.” he said 

On his way to the Leaky Cauldron, Sirius thought over everything his uncle had said and swallowed the lump threatening to make him start crying all over again. By the time he and Fleamont arrived back at the Potter’s house, he knew what he needed to do. Quick as he could, he ran upstairs to find James 

“Hey, how'd it-“

“Where is Remus’ house?” Sirius asked 

“Huh?” 

“Remus’ house. Where is it?” 

“Er- It’s in Suffolk, it’s like an hour out, what-“

“Lets go.” Sirius said

“Woah, mate, slow down!” James said, pinching the bridge of his nose “We can’t just-“

“We have to go now. I’m such an idiot, I have to-“ Sirius sighed “Listen to me, are you coming or not? Because I’ll figure out how to get there on my own if I have to, but I’m going with or without you.” 

“I-“ James began. He exhaled “Okay. Alright, let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied, this is not the last chapter! More to follow soon.
> 
> Alphard is living his best gay life and I love that journey for him.


	15. Chapter 15

1 AM was drawing near and Remus was sat at his desk, scratching away at one of his final remaining assignments. He finally hit a good groove and was determined to get it done before he went to sleep. He finished a sentence and reread it, the end of his quill between his teeth. He frowned and scratched out a portion of it and continued on. Looking up from the paper, he blinked away the sleep in his eyes and shook his hand to revive the feeling in it. 

He stretched and took a sip of the tea that had grown cold beside him while he worked and as he turned back to the page, he heard a strange noise coming from outside. He looked up, brow furrowed, and craned his neck to see into the garden. There was nothing there. It was getting late, perhaps he was just hearing things. He started writing again but heard it again, louder this time. 

Remus frowned and stopped writing to listen. It sounded like… Barking? He pushed open the window and leaned outside when he saw the big, black dog jumping up against the fence and barking up at the second story. 

“Sirius?” Remus said, as loud as he could without risking waking his parents “What- what the fuck are you doing here?”

The dog looked up at him, his tail wagging, and transformed back into Sirius. Remus blinked in confusion, thinking that he had fallen asleep and was having a strange dream

“I-I need to talk to you!” Sirius yelled 

“Shhh!” Remus said “How did you even know where I live?” 

Then Remus saw James, standing off to the side of the house, who waved “Hey, Remus. Sorry about this.” 

“I-“ He saw the light downstairs flick on “Shit. Just- don’t move.” 

Remus threw on a sweatshirt over his pajamas and rushed down the stairs before anybody else got out of bed. His hand lingered over the doorknob for a moment, and he realized his heart was racing. He took a breath and swung the door open, shutting it quickly behind him.

Sirius and Remus stared at each other for a long moment. Remus had thought a lot about what he would say to Sirius when they saw each other again, but now that he they were face to face, he couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

James looked from one to the other and rolled his eyes at Sirius “Did we seriously take the Knight Bus all the way here and you didn’t think of a single thing you were going to say to him?”

“I- I- Shut up.” Sirius snapped 

“What- What happened to your face?” Remus said finally. It was splotchy, as if a bruise was just beginning to heal, and his hair was much shorter and sweeping into his eyes a little bit. 

“Oh, I-“ Sirius said “My mum. I- er- well, I ran away.”

“What?” Remus said, stunned “I- when? Are you-“

The door swung open behind him and a bewildered Lyall stepped out of the house, blinking into the dark at the three boys.

“Oh, hey Mr. Lupin.” James said awkwardly from behind Sirius

“What-?” he said, looking at James before his eyes landed on Sirius and his expression steeled, his face reddening “You have a lot of nerve coming around here at all, let alone at one o’clock in the bloody morning!”

“I know, I just-“

“No, no excuses, no clever words, just get out of here!” Lyall yelled

“Dad, please-“

“Remus, go inside.” he warned 

“Mr. Lupin, please-“ Sirius said 

“No, you have no right to come here and harass my son after the shit you pulled! I swear to God, I will hex you myself, if you don’t-“

Hope stepped out after him and put her hand on Lyall’s shoulder “Lyall, why don’t we let them work this out, okay?”

“Hope!” Lyall demanded. She gave him a stern look and he deflated, glancing from Sirius to Remus “I- I- Fine. Fine, just make it quick and get out.”

“James, dear, why don’t you come inside?” Hope suggested “We’ll let you two… Talk, okay?

“Er- yeah, sure.” He said. He jogged up to the door and Hope ushered him in. She patted Remus on the back and stepped in after James. Lyall looked from his son to Sirius and frowned, but said nothing more before shutting the door behind him, harder than he needed to.

Again, they could just stare at each other, Remus feeling rather silly standing on his doorstep in his pajamas. 

“Sirius, what-“ 

“Remus, wait.” Sirius cut him off. He took a breath and closed his eyes “Look, you have no reason to listen to me, no reason to give me anything whatsoever. But I’m just… I’m asking for five minutes, okay? Just five minutes to get this all out, and then you can yell at me, or tell me to go fuck myself, or punch me in the face. Again. But I just need five minutes.”

“I-“ Remus began. He crossed his arms over his chest “Okay, yeah.” 

“Thank you.” He ran his hand through his cropped hair and looked straight at him “There was no excuse for what I did. And I could run through any number of reasons why I did it, and try and blame everybody else but me, but the fact is that I did it. And it was the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life. I- You’re the best think that ever came into my life, Remus. Like, obviously James and Peter too, but you… You taught me that I can be a good person. Before… I always used to worry that I was just irreparably broken, like there was something dirty and wrong inside me, and that I couldn’t care about anybody else but myself. And then I became friends with you, and caring about you was… Effortless. You made it easy. And I think I took that for granted. Took your friendship for granted, your affection. And I shouldn’t have done that, because now that I know what I lost, it’s like… It’s like I’ve had the wind knocked out of my lungs and I can’t catch it again. Fuck, this sounds so cheesy.” 

Remus snorted a little bit and put his hand over his mouth “It’s not cheesy.” 

Sirius cracked a small smile and let out a breath “I am so, so sorry, Remus. For everything. Not just telling Snape, but for just… Assuming that you should forgive me, and never questioning that you wouldn’t. And besides all that, just… I’m sorry that I kissed you before it happened. I mean, fuck, I’m not sorry that I kissed you. I have never once been sorry that I kissed you. That might be the only good decision I made that week. I can’t- I can’t tell you how happy I was when it happened, how free I felt.”

“Then why?“ Remus interrupted “Why did you do all of that afterwards?” 

Sirius bit his lip “I- Sometimes I worry that I don’t deserve it, any of it. You, and James and Peter… I just- I never thought I could be this lucky and then sometimes I look at myself and think ‘who do you think you are? you can’t have all of this’. I know that sounds so stupid.”

“No, I… I know exactly what you mean.” Remus said quietly. Sirius smiled softly 

“Look, I know you have no reason to forgive me. None, at all. And if you say the word, I’m gone, and I will never bother you again. I’ll understand. I'll ask McGonagall to move into a different dorm myself. But I … If I could spend every day for the rest of my life making this up to you, I would. And I would be happy. That’s it. I’m done.” He looked back up at Remus

Remus scanned his face for a moment and took a step towards him “Listen to me very carefully. I’m saying this because I want to, and because it’s what I feel, and not because I feel any kind of obligation to forgive you. Because you’re right, I don’t have to. But, these past few months have been awful trying to hate you. Because I don’t hate you, I might… Fuck, I… I like you more than I have any business liking you.” he sighed “I do forgive you. But don’t think that this means that I don’t respect myself, or think that I deserve better than what you gave me, okay? Because I do deserve better. And if you pull anything that stupid again, it’s over and i’ll never look back. Understood?” 

Sirius was looking up at him with that big, toothy grin on his face “Understood.” He bridged the gap between them and reached over to touch the side of Remus’ face and kissed him like a man starved. Remus threaded his hands through Sirius’ cropped hair, and Sirius felt like there was electricity in his fingers. They stayed like that until Sirius pulled away to catch his breath

“Wow.” he whispered, scanning Remus’ face like he was trying to commit it to memory. Remus grinned and leaned into Sirius’ hand 

“We’re gonna have to do that again.” 

Sirius laughed “Deal.” 

The door opened again and Remus turned around, face flushed pink. Hope look at them, smiling a little.

“Sirius, why don’t you two spend the night? I don’t really want you going home at this hour.” She said 

“They’re perfectly capable of taking the Knight Bus back to Nottingham.” Lyall said, stepping out and still looking put out by the whole situation. If he thought anything about Sirius and Remus standing as close as they were, he didn’t say anything. 

“Lyall, we’re not sending two sixteen year olds home on a rickety old bus at 1:30 in the morning.” Hope said. Lyall frowned and turned back into the house, grumbling to himself. Sirius and Remus had to stop themselves from laughing as they followed Hope inside. She put her hand on Remus’ shoulder and smiled at him. 

Sirius and James went upstairs to get ready for bed, and Remus went to the linen closet to get blankets and pillows for them. As he was rummaging around, Lyall lingered in the hallway

“I’m sorry they came so late, Dad.” Remus said, looking up "I didn't mean to wake you up." 

“No, no, it’s fine.” he sighed. He made a face as if he wanted to say something 

“What’s wrong?” Remus furrowed his brow 

“Nothing, I just…” he sighed “I just want you to be sure you’ve thought this through.” 

Remus turned to face him and nodded “I know you’re worried about it.” he said “But I have thought about it. and I’m doing this because I want to.”

“I just… I want you to be careful of who you give your heart to.” 

“I know.” he said “And I trust him.”

Lyall sighed “Alright. And I trust you.” He nodded to Remus and turned to leave

“Hey, Dad?” 

“Yes?”

“Thanks.” 

Lyall smiled and turned to go back to bed. He and Hope finally settled back in once the boys had gone upstairs for the night. Lyall still lay awake, Hope dozing against his chest.

“What’s wrong?” she mumbled 

“Hmm?” he said “Nothing, nothing.”

She sat up a little “You’re worried about Remus.”

“Of course I am.” He said "I'm always worried about him."

“He knows what he’s doing, Lyall.” she said “He’s a smart boy.”

“He’s sixteen. Everyone is stupid when they’re sixteen and… Well in love, I suppose.” 

“Are you bothered that he’s gay? Because if that’s it, i’m surprised at you.”

“No! No, of course I’m not bothered. I wish he had told me, but I’m not bothered. Im not sure I fully understand it… But I just want him to be happy." Lyall said “He’s just… he’s young. And I worry he doesn’t know what he wants.”

“Remind me how old you were when we met?” Hope asked 

He frowned “We were 18, there’s a difference.”

“They’re young.” She agreed

“Exactly, and-“

She interrupted “I mean, they’re young. Let them be young. Perhaps it’ll be a mistake, but it’s their mistake to make. And Sirius seems genuinely sorry. He wouldn’t have come out here in the middle of the night if he wasn’t.”

“So you’re saying you’re okay with what he did?” 

Hope rolled her eyes “No. But If Remus accepts his apology, I don’t see how we have a reason not to as well. You said you were going to try and trust him more.”

“I trust Remus.” Lyall said “I just don’t trust Sirius.” 

“Look, I’m not saying you have to love him, or even like him. But just give him a chance, alright? He’s a good boy who lost his way, I think we can offer some forgiveness for that, don’t you?”

Lyall looked at her and sighed “Yes. Yes, I suppose you’re right.” 

“I am. Now turn off the light. I’m too old to be up this late.” 

Still, Lyall slept restlessly, and slipped out of bed early as the dawn light was just beginning to rise through the windows. He slipped on his dressing robe and went to the kitchen to set the kettle on the stove, when he noticed that he was not the only one awake. Sirius was stepping down the stairs and blinked at Lyall when he saw him.

“Oh. Er- hi.” Sirius said “I was just- I couldn’t sleep.” 

Lyall nodded “Exciting night last night, I suppose.” 

“Er- yeah.” Sirius glanced back upstairs and pointed “I can go.”

“No. No, come sit.” Lyall said. Sirius sat down at the table and threaded his fingers together. They sat in silence for a long moment “Er- how is your face feeling?” 

“Oh, it’s… It’s alright. Still hurts a little bit, but it’s feeling better.” 

“What was it, a stinging hex?” Lyall asked, glancing over it

Sirius nodded and Lyall winced “Once, when I was in third year, my friend Boris got me in the eye with one of those during Charms. Hurt like hell.”

Sirius gave a small smile “Yeah, it’s not the best thing I’ve ever felt.” 

"My father's personal favorite was a knock-back jinx to the chest." he said "Not as elegant, I'll give him that, but he did send me straight into the drywall once."

"Well Mother always had a flair for the dramatic." 

There was another long silence and Lyall poked around at the kettle to just seem like he had something to do to ease the tension.

“Mr. Lupin?” Sirius said eventually 

“Hm?” 

“I just… I wanted to say I’m sorry.” He said

Lyall looked up and furrowed his brow at him “What are you apologizing to me for?”

“Well I-“ He looked at his hands “I apologized to Remus, but what I did… It hurt you, too. I know how much you and Mrs. Lupin have worked over the years to help him, and to keep it a secret, and I just… Risked that. I dunno, I just… I’m really sorry.”

Lyall blinked at him. He wasn’t expecting that “I-“ he began “That was big of you to say. I appreciate it.” 

“I want you to know that I really want to be a good person for Remus. And I’m going to work to make it up to him. And I just hope… I hope I can make it up to you, as well.” 

Lyall gave him a small smile “I’ll hold you to that.” 

“Good.” Sirius said 

There was a creak on the stairs and Remus came down, blinking groggily against the light “You’re not interrogating Sirius, are you, Dad?” he said, taking a seat next to Sirius on the table 

“I was not. We were just... Getting to know each other a little better.” Lyall said. Remus glanced at Sirius who gave him a small nod 

“Alright, then.” He said 

James eventually woke up, his hair sticking up in every direction even more than usual, and made some clumsy argument about how they should go say hello to Lily.

“We came all this way, it seems rude not to.” he argued.

Sirius and Remus teased him the entire way to her house. Sirius and Remus kept brushing fingers as they walked along the path, and Sirius couldn’t help but blush like a school girl every time they did. James was either ignoring it, or oblivious as usual. Sirius wasn’t sure what to tell him about him and Remus. He wasn’t even sure what they were yet. All he knew is that he desperately wanted to snog him again. 

As they approached Lily’s house, James kept running his hands through his hair and trying to tidy his slightly wrinkled clothes.

“Mate, she’s seen you after you woke up hungover on the floor of the common room with writing all over your face.” Remus pointed out 

“Yeah and you’re showing up at her house first thing in the morning, she knows you’ve got it bad.”

“Oy! We hopped on a bus at midnight last night so you could snog Remus, you’re really one to talk about having it bad.” James snapped

“Wait, you knew?” Sirius said

James cocked an eyebrow “You two have been making pitiful eyes at each other when the other one wasn’t looking for the past year and a half. I think you were the last to know.” 

Sirius blinked and gaped at him for a moment “So do you-?”

“Do I care? No.” James said “Just don’t go snogging in the dorm all the time, It’ll be more unbearable than you hating each other.” 

Sirius slung an arm around James “Aww you’re just worried about missing out.” he leaned in planted a wet kiss on the side of his head and James tried to throw him off 

“Padfoot, I swear I’ll actually kill you.” James said. Sirius released him and started running, James in hot pursuit, tackling him to the ground on Lily’s lawn. Remus laughed and went past them, knocking on the door. Lily answered the door, yawning, and looked past Remus to the two wrestling in her garden, garnering attention from the neighbors.

“What the fuck is happening right now?” she asked

“Last night was weird.” Remus explained, grinning. James finally looked up, glasses half off his face, and stood up quickly, straightening himself out 

“Lily, hi!” he said, trying to sound as casual as possible. 

“Are you free?” Remus asked her

She grinned “Let me get my trainers.” 

They spent the day like that, the four of them laughing and running around in the late summer heat, not caring if they looked ridiculous as a group of 16 year olds climbing around on the playground and chasing one another through the neighborhood. Remus draped an arm over Lily’s shoulder as they wandered around, eating ice cream from a truck (a concept that endlessly fascinated Sirius and James).

“You look really happy.” Lily said 

“I am.” he said with a smile “I really am.” 

As the sun grew low in the sky, James checked his watch “Shit. Mate, we’ve been away for like 24 straight hours. We should probably go home.” 

Sirius frowned “I suppose. If we have to.” 

“Er, James- why don’t we take a walk around the block. Give them a chance to say goodbye and all that.” Lily said, giving Remus a wink. Remus flushed but said nothing as Lily took his hand and dragged him away. Sirius watched them go with a grin and Remus lead him to a small patch of trees hidden from the street.

“Hey, it’s only a few weeks before the term starts, yeah?” Remus said “Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all that.”

“I think I’ve had enough absence for a while.” Sirius said, running his hand through Remus’ hair. 

He grinned “Well, we have all the time in the world after this.” 

“Promise?” Sirius asked

“Promise.” 

They kissed again, forehead to forehead until James finally dragged Sirius away, looking flustered himself. Lily and Remus watched as they boarded the Knight bus and waved as they were jolted away from the little suburb. 

“And here I thought it was going to be an uneventful summer.” Lily said, grinning up at Remus 

He laughed “Yeah. Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited reunion! 
> 
> Seriously y'all, thank you SO much for all of your amazing comments, and Kudos. They all mean so much to me- it's been a really hard couple of months and the support I got on this has made me so happy. I just hit 101 kudos which is just AMAZING to see. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. 
> 
> This is the last official chapter, but i'm going to have a short epilogue soon. And don't worry, I have plenty of stories in this universe left to go, so watch out for those. 
> 
> I hope you all have enjoyed reading this as much as I've enjoyed writing it!


	16. Chapter 16

“Lyall we’re going to be late if you don’t stop driving like my grandmother.” Hope said 

“I’m going over the speed limit!” He insisted 

“Fuck the speed limit!” 

Lily and Remus laughed from the back seat of the car as Lyall accelerated slightly into London. They left early in the morning, stopping by Lily’s house to pick her up and waiting while her mother took pictures of them in front of the house (much to Lily’s annoyance). 

Hope swung around from the passenger seat, where her feet rested on the dashboard and a cigarette hung from her fingers.

“Are you sure you two have everything you need?” She said 

“Yes, mum, I already told you.”

“Socks? Underwear?” 

“Mum!” Remus rolled his eyes. She cracked a grin and reached back to pat his knee.

“I’m going to miss having you two around, what will we do for entertainment?” Hope said

“Yes, a whole term of peace and quiet with no angry screaming from the record player.” Lyall lamented

“Oh come on, Mr. Lupin, you’ll grow to love it.” Lily said 

He cracked a small smile and kept his eyes peeled on the road ahead.

“It’s this exit.” Hope pointed out with her cigarette hand.

“Would you like to drive the car?” Lyall frowned

“Whenever you drive with me you act like I’m about to drive us into the nearest brick wall.” Hope said 

“Because you drive like a maniac.”

“Have you ever died while I was driving, though?” 

“There’s a first time for everything.” 

They scoured the parking lot until they finally managed to find a spot and hurried into the station, trunks and Lily’s owl stashed on a cart that Lyall pushed ahead of them. Hope swung her arms over Remus and Lily’s shoulders as they walked.

“Listen, I want you two to take care of each other this term, alright?” Hope said “And by that I mean: Lily, please look after Remus for me.”

“‘Course I will. Somebody has to.” She said, punching Remus on the arm.

“Hurry up, I don’t want you to miss the train.” Lyall said

“Dad, we’re like half an hour early.” Remus pointed out

“Still.” he fretted. Hope patted them both on the back and released them, walking up to her husband.

“Are you planning on calming down today?” She asked

“Once he’s on the train, I’ll be fine.” Lyall sighed 

They joined the crowd of muggles and a few wizards here and there heading into the platform. Remus waved to Frank Longbottom, walking along with his mother- dressed rather absurdly, and saw a few other classmates they knew. Remus craned his neck over the crowd with a frown.

“What, do you think he’s not coming?” Lily teased

“Hm?” Remus said distractedly “I’m not looking for anybody, just seeing what the queue looks like.” 

Finally, their little group found their way to the platform and dropped off their things with the porter. Families were milling about, parents of first years were fretting over their children and giving tearful goodbyes. A few muggle parents were looking around as if they hadn't believed it was real until this moment. Remus swivveled around as Lyall looked at his watch. A moment later, he felt a heavy weight jump onto his back, nearly knocking him to the ground. 

Remus grinned and looked over his shoulder at Sirius, beaming at him with his arms around his neck. 

“You’re late.” he said

“I’m not late until the train leaves.” Sirius said, jumping down but keeping his arm over Remus' shoulder.

The Potters weaved their way through the crowd after him and Lily and James flushed slightly at the sight of one another. Fleamont muttered something in Euphemia’s ear and she grinned

“You must be Lily!” She said, bringing her into a hug 

“James hasn’t stopped about you all summer.” Fleamont said "You're just as pretty as he said you were."

“Dad!” James muttered, looking like he wanted to melt into the platform itself.

“Wormtail!” Remus called out. Peter swerved around and rushed towards them, embracing his three friends at once. His blond hair had grown shaggy over the summer and he seemed to have grown a few inches.

“Finally!” he said “I’ve been waiting for ages.”

“Your mum make you get here two hours early again?” Sirius asked, ruffling Peter’s hair affectionately.

“Always. You know how she is” Peter rolled his eyes “Good summer?”

“Oh you know.” Sirius said, glancing slightly at Remus with a smile “Ups and downs. I’ll fill you in on the train.” 

He looked from Sirius to Remus “Are we all good again?”

“Yeah.” Remus said, grinning “We’re good.”

“You all better get on the train or you’re walking to Hogwarts.” Lyall said, gesturing to his watch. 

Remus turned to his parents. Hope bit her lip and adjusted Remus’ shirt collar and smoothed out the fabric on his shoulders.

“Don’t forget to write, alright?” She said, her voice a little thick. Remus leaned down and gave her a tight hug.

“I won’t.” She patted his shoulder and released him, brushing her eyes on her sleeve. Lyall smiled at Remus and pulled him into a hug as well

“You’re going to have a great term.” he said

Remus nodded and hugged him back

“Remember to study, and please- as few owls from your head of house as possible.” Lyall said, letting him go

Remus grinned “I’ll do my best.”

"That goes for all of you." he said louder. They all smirked 

"I'll make no promises." James said

Hope hugged each of the boys and Lily in turn before shooing them off on the train, her eyes still watery. The five of them pushed through the train, waving as they disapeared and managed to find the last empty car. Sirius and Remus took the tail of the group and Sirius tugged him aside right before they went in and glanced around the hall. Everyone was preoccupied with getting settled or waving out the window. 

Remus pulled him into a short kiss, brief enough that they wouldn’t be interrupted.

“Things will be good from here on out, yeah?” Sirius said 

“Well, nothing in life is guaranteed-“

“Moony. Be sixteen.” 

Remus smiled and kissed him again “Yeah. Everything will be good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! Thank you all so much for reading and don't forget to leave a comment if you enjoyed it- I really do appreciate every one of them.


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